BLOG 230: The CAT with a sore head

"I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises." 

Ellen DeGeneres

My fellow pen-smith Catherine, was rather delicate earlier this week. There she was at her computer screen, desperately trying to cobble together articulate words; while a man in her head wielded about a sledgehammer with no regard for the mayhem (and pain) he was causing her. She also was chugging water like a camel, sighing deeply and eating Nurofen tablets like sweeties. Cat is normally a giggly sweet natured person... however on that particular day, it was a good choice to approach her sparsely and carefully as her inner torment was manifesting in a marked lean towards the snippy. 

Recognise the malaise that had befallen our Cat? 

Yup... Catherine had a hangover. 

Probably of all the cultures in the world, British culture has an embrace and lock in to the wonderful world of the tipple.Your birth would have been welcomed with a 'wet the baby's head' session and your death will be marked with a solemn whisky to send you on your way. It's what we do here. 

My American cousins always confuse this love affair with the bottle with 'general European-ness', but having had closer that normal relations with our Scandinavian euro-dwellers, it has become ever more clear that British culture in particular is singularly built around the brew. 

 We are a pub culture, a wine with dinner culture, a celebrate good times with a bottle of fizz culture. From cradle to grave, if you are truly a Brit, a glass has been raised at all your major landmarks and indeed at most of your minor ones too. But the key point in this is that we are a pub culture - our social activity is almost exclusively built around the sale and purchase of alcohol.(One only has to visit our Scandinavian friends to see a marked difference in the way they approach social - alcohol being taxed to excess) 

So having established that once we are legal (18 being the law but drink training begins in earnest much earlier) we Brits do like to jug a glass or ten of the fire liquid with the slightest (some may say tenuous) excuse ... how do we manage to get up and get on with life in the morning? 

Managing a hangover is something that most of the 60million occupants of this little island have to come to terms with at least weekly. 

So... with the Xmas party season literally days away... how do we manage to bend the elbow at night and still manage to face the glare of a computer screen by day? 

Well - you could say to hell with it- party till the sunrises, wander into work then tough it out like our Cat... or you could take a few preventive steps before the party begins. Proven to have a 75% success rate would be things such as only drinking WHITE spirits (dark coloured drinks such as red wine, brandy and port contain congeners which have been proven to HURT like buggery the next morning), have a non fizzy non-alcoholic drink before each alcoholic one, and eating a proper meal before you go out. But lets face facts... who had the time for preventative steps for tomorrow's pain when we are in the middle of having fun tonight? Cat certainly didn't - she had a wicked night out and simply went with the flow and road the waves the tide of the evening provided. 

So... given that despite the fact that there are things we can all do to prevent waking up with sledgehammer man doing his worse.... I guess we have to accept that as well as being Booze Britain... we are also simply more of an Impluse Britain than we all thought we were. 

Which means... (and you know the drill JaxWorld fans)...I'm gonna have to cobble together THE LIST. 

So... how do you party all night and work all the next day without being the proverbibal bear with the sore head? 

1. DO NOT GO STRAIGHT TO BED. I know I know... bed is calling loud when you stumble through your door, shoes in one hand keys in the other - but NO... spend a few minutes doing the following and you may be able to stand upright without assistance when that alarm goes off in a few hours. First drink a pint of water. If you have orange juice in the fridge glug some NOW... the vitamin C will speed up the metabolism of the alcohol by the liver. Then pop a slice of mother pride in the toaster and woof it down. You know that wobbly trembling feeling?.... it's the lack of sugar that is responsible and British white bread has sugar in the mix plus the plain carbs will settle your stomach too. 
   
   
2. GET SOME SHUT EYE. Your body is working extra hard to rectify the mess you've made of your internal organs. Give your poor body one thousand less jobs to do by shutting down main operational activity. The more sleep you get (combined water, vitamin C and toast) the less sluggish you'll be when the alarm bleeps. 
   
   
3. FRY UP TIME! Okay so you managed to get up. The joy of being British is we know how to do a PROPER breakfast... none of the pastries, nuts, grains, jams and syrups of our European neighbours... it's time to bring out the BIG frying pan. Your digestive system is under a lot of strain, so fried bacon, sausages may contain lots of calories, so you will get a much-needed energy boost. Also eggs and meat are rich in the amino acid, cysteine, which is thought to be good at clearing out toxins. Get it down you! 
   
   
4. SHOWER. No matter what our American Cousins say about British plumbing... we are in the age of the power shower. Stand under the full blast for at least 5 minutes before starting your ablutions. The bad news is … that 5 minutes will be with the water running...COLD. That sluggish feeling is caused by the blood in your organs wandering off to play with the alcohol. That first 5 minutes has to cold as hot water makes blood rush to your skin and cold water will return the blood to your organs.It really is the best way to really get the circulation going! 
   
   
5. DRINK LIKE A SPORTSMAN. Do not even think about tea or coffee for the rest of the day! Caffeine causes dehydration. The hangovers friend that makes it last as long as it does is the dehydration. Best way to make it last all day... is to exacerbate the dehydration with coke, tea or coffee that are rich in caffeine. The best thing to be chugging all day is water - but if that is too bland for you... isotonic drinks (such as lucozade sport) will help hydrate you and end the hell! 
   
   
6. THE DRUGS DON'T ALL WORK. Since you've already spent the night giving your liver a good solid kicking, popping pills should never be seen as the easy option. But if you HAVE to pop a pill to stop the sledgehammer man choose with care. Sledgehammer man is powered by prostaglandins. NEVER take asprin/paracetamol … it gives your liver even more work to do and as a blood thinner has little effect on the hangover. If you have to take something which contains the analgesic ibuprofen and codine which blocks prostaglandins. Nurofen is the best known brand of this type. 
   
   
7. C is for CURE. The only C that counts on hangover day is Vitamin C. Vitamin C is your friend... it will get you through the day. Bad news is ...it mainly hangs out in a lot of very acidy fruit sugars and your tummy may have a problem with keeping it and that full english breakfast down. To boost your energy levels and get rid of toxins remember that fresh vitamin C can be found in fresh vegetable juices such as tomato juice (yes we know tommies are really fruits but we treat them as veg)!. Never was there a better time to make your mum proud by eating your veggies! There is heaps of Vitamin C to be found in broccoli, green and red peppers, potatoes, cauliflower, peas, raw lettuce ad other leafy greens such as spinach, parsley, cabbage, Brussels, sprouts, horseradish, watercress, and many others. 
   
   

With party season almost upon us so do keep these magnificent seven of actual cures that really do work close by. I was in research of this piece hoping for a good old round number of 10... but I just couldn't find another 3 that work. So 7 it is.  

By the way... during my research I thought I would ask one of my Scandinavian friends if they know of anything (apart from pricing alcohol out of the reach of the average citizen) that would actually work. Let's face facts... these people are descended from Vikings!  

However the advice given didn't make the list  

'A thick milkshake with loads of ice-cream, milk, fresh strawberries... and a good shag.' 

When I asked for the science behind this I was informed there was absolutely none but if any of my readers were up for giving it a try to put them in touch with him. 

So dear JaxWorld readers... these are my gifts to you for the hectic season from here to New Years Eve. 7 cures to get you though the morning after the night before and an offer of dairy, berryfruits and rumpy-pumpy from a Viking of questionable morality. 

Do let me know which works for you... unless of course you prefer to be like our Cat with a sore head! 

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