BLOG 84: You'd think

“If my friends could see me now!; What a step up! Holy cow!: They'd never believe it...” From the musical Sweet Charity Music by Cy Coleman and lyrics by Dorothy Fields

It’s a constant source of befuddlement to me that 1+1+1 does not always need to the predicable answer of 3.

You’d think being a good person + working hard + causing no harm would equal approval wouldn’t you?

Ermmm, no.

Well at least not always.

Take the gal who used to be the nations sweetheart, Miss Katie Price.

Being a good person: despite having a questionable grip on main stream morality, raising three children (one of whom is severely disabled) all on her own efforts and often single handed.

Working hard : exposure as a page three girl just at the time the nation was ready for a new queen of the tabloids, turning herself into a human Barbie doll whilst simultaneously banging out a combo of pulp novels/ torrid autobiographies and featuring in every celebrity magazine/reality TV show.

Causing no harm: inspiring the nation to overlook her flaws and celebrate her as a savvy businesswoman, supermommie and icon throughout the Noughties.

RESULT: Topped a recent poll as ‘The Most Hated Woman in Britain’

A clear case of 1+1+1 = 0.

You’d think that wouldn’t be possible – wouldn’t you?

Miss Price didn’t change. Throughout the build up to and the ride on the crest of her wave of popularity, she remained true to herself – loud, brash, tacky, outspoken, semi-nude and way outside mainstream morality. When it all went so terribly wrong for her, her sins were being loud, brash, tacky, outspoken, semi-nude and way outside mainstream morality. Thing is you don’t have to change the sum for the result to be different.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… the very same things that give you extraordinary popularity will be the very same things that will give you extraordinary notoriety. Love and Hate live in the same trailer park… in fact… in the same trailer. You knock on the door expecting one… you can just as easily get the other.

I find it fascinating that the very qualities that a person lovable, are the same qualities that can bring them down.

Years ago I worked for a company that illustrates this point. When I left the employ of that place … lets call it ‘Happypath’ for ease of referral… my then boss told me that if I ever wanted to return at some point in the future to give him a call. He then wrote me a spectacular reference in which I later found out I was described as “having a sunny disposition, being a true contributor of team effort, had delivered some outstanding results and will be much missed”. This wonderful reference secured me a position in a top company within days of my departure from Happypath.

Some of my closest friends in my life today are people I worked with or are friends of people met at Happypath. We all have one of those jobs that we look back on years later and remember as an almost halcyon period. Happypath was mine.

However, it was during a conversation with one of my friends sourced from my Happypath days that an off the cuff comment rocked my little world. Whilst reminiscing about our back-in-the-day-adventures, I sighed how life was so much simpler back then and that I wondered if I could get them to honour the promise of taking me back. Please understand that this statement was purely romantic… I had no intention of returning to Happypath (though if I could have the size thighs I had in my Happypath days as part of the deal I may consider it!!!). My friend then said “Jeez Jax, you could never go back there...the staff hated you!”

Taking the people who I now count amongst a dearest friends out of the equation, would mathematically leave behind the vast majority of the staff. And according to my friend they were of the opinion that my reference was written in a very obvious code:

Sunny Disposition = Loud.

True Contributor= Louder still.

Outstanding Results= Could do the job but NOT their way.

Much Missed= Thank heavens she’s out of there!!

I was shocked. I played it down, I laughed, I opened another bottle of wine, the subject matter changed. We had a great night. But after that statement, my relationship with my memories changed. There was no way I could ever cast my mind back to my Happypath years again, that off the cuff remark was like someone throwing a bucket of hot tar over your favourite painting

So much for warm memories of days gone by.

The same qualities that generated so many friendships that have endured were exactly the same qualities that made the majority of people despise me. I hadn’t changed the sum… but the results were very different. I guess if I like Miss Price had to suffer in indignity of a ‘Most Hated’ poll…I’d probably win the ‘Most Hated Happypath Employee past or present’.

I won’t say it’s ruined my life or anything, because it hasn’t. My life is good in so many ways I am almost embarrassed with the richness of it. But to hear that people (whose names and faces I really cannot recall) hated me - mattered. And if I’m honest probably always will.

Whether we admit it or not we all seek the approval of the majority and to not have it does rather affect us deeply. We all have heard the tales of the unpopular schoolchild who spends all their post school years striving for success just so they can taunt their ex-classmates at the school reunion.

I went to uni with a girl I shall call ‘Daisy’. Not only did she have the ignominy of being given a name that at the time was considered unfashionable, she was probably the most hairy individual (of either gender) I have ever seen! She was also ridiculously tall (it was decreed no female should be over 5’11”) and was lumpenly large all over. We (oh yes Jax too was a member of the chorus of disapproval for I am not a saint) called her TROLLBIRD for the full three years she attended our palace of education.

Of course, the inevitable reunion rolled round and Daisy arrived. Of course she was still way over 5’11, but she was no longer hairy or lumpen. As the unfamiliar use of her real name echoed around the room, (suddenly even our own names seemed passé compared to hers), not a soul uttered Trollbird. That word could not fit now anyway…she had become statuesque and rather the object of desire. She accepted all apologetic excuses for past treatment, allowed all advances… and enjoyed superiorly rejecting us all as nowhere near good enough for her. Daisy was a creature of NOW. Her time had come.

Although this is the stuff of great fiction (I recently saw an episode of a US sit-com on this theme that was extremely funny) in real life the whole thing touched me as rather sad. I strongly suspect that Daisy had spent too much of her life trying to prove her critics wrong with the showtune “If They Could See Me Now” playing rather too loudly. Life after the ‘reveal’ moment must feel rather flat.

But how other people view us, even people who mean absolutely nothing to us in our daily lives, matters.

It is a hard thing to bear being hated. Even by the faceless.

This kind of rejection should of course be harnessed. Here in the UK the people’s hatred of the unfair predecessor of our current local system got it abolished - a hatred that was measured in the main by polls. I am not anti polls – I believe that they are a valid way of taking the temperature of how the masses feel.

But taking polls to compile lists of PEOPLE who stir such powerful feelings of negativity in us… now this is have a problem with. I keep being told that these things are fun… but I wonder how those who find themselves on these lists cope.

When ever I see these ‘fun’ polls I wonder why the top candidate is never a murderer, or an evil dictator or even a bureaucratic body that makes everyday life hard. It’s always a singer in a TV reality show, an entertainer or footballer who drove his car too fast, or a topless model who got a divorce. Are these people genuinely hated by the masses or are these ‘fun’ polls more a reflection of the state of mind the architect of these things?

Maybe it is true that it is just a piece of fun, that today’s papers are tomorrows litter tray lining, and that no one takes these things seriously.

But, then I think of me avoiding thinking of my Happypath days. To avoid dealing with the hurt. Then I think of Daisy, a decade after graduation… turning up to turn back the clock. To try change a point of view. I wonder if Daisy and I should just grow a thicker skin.

Objectively, all that matters in this world is the big three:

Be a good person

Work hard

Not to cause harm

That’s should be three things that add up to being liked well enough.

1 + 1 + 1 should equal three.

But it doesn’t because everything in this world is subjective. And subjective means exactly what it means – subservient to the opinions of others.

So that’s why I know for sure, that like it or not… what other people think matters.

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for voting for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff in the 2009 Blogger Choice Awards and for all your support that has made this blog such a success.

BLOG 83: It's NOT all about YOU!!

“The refusal to choose is a form of choice; disbelief is a form of belief.” Frank Barron Pioneer in Psychology

Have you ever noticed that if you choose NOT to do something you get more critique than if you choose to do something? Isn’t it amazing that disbelief people suffer when they come face to face with the fact that what they hoped was inaction was in fact a considered choice.

You know the drill: The Chorus of Disapproval: I can’t believe you don’t…… [Fill in the blank with what ever activity your critic needs your validation for].

There is always something that someone else believes is an indispensible tool of modern life, that they just assume the rest of the world hold dear. And BOY, when they find that life can go on with out that tool, doesn’t it shake them to the core.

Take social networking sites… these babies have only been with since 1995 (Friends Reunited anyone?) -but admit to anyone that you don’t My Space, Facebook or Twitter and hear that astounded gasp!

Take the latest block buster movie...even with all the hype that surrounds release the thing could not have been part of public consciousness for more than a few months – but admit to anyone that you have no interest in seeing it and know that your character WILL be called into question.

Take driving… believe it or not getting around without the automobile has been an achievable state for homo sapiens for some 190,000 years – but admit to anyone that you have not a full driving licence and be prepared for your confidant to faint.

I could go… not having a dishwasher (gasp!), not drinking alcohol (shock!), not dating (horror!), not recycling (panic), not having a current gym membership ( O. M. G!!!)… the list is endless. It seems we live in times where it is no longer recognised that choosing not to join in…is actually a choice.

Now I have to admit to quite liking social networking sites. I work form home so I do not have the luxury of colleagues to have a natter with around the water dispenser. In fact I would be most alarmed if I entered the kitchen and found some!!! So for me, logging in during the day and checking what everyone is up to keeps me in the loop. Social networking sites are a jolly useful invention – for me.

However, I am appalled by the way people react when someone says that they don’t want to belong to any of these networks from choice. There are two standard reactions.

The most common is the “Oh I hardly use it myself… but I have so many friends that are just SLAVES to it, I do have to log on from time to time to just check in.”

That one just drives me crazy because, well… that’s just not true is it? This attempt to make out that you are a higher level of user is just so transparent. You joined a social networking site because you WANT to be kept in the loop and you are as much a part of the on-line community as anyone else. BUT you have taken your friends choice NOT to join as a critique of YOUR choice. So now you are denying whilst justifying at the same time. GET OVER IT… your friend has made a choice for their life NOT yours…believe in their choice and your own and get some NUTS!

The other reaction is “Oh my word!!! You are such a dinosaur, look how about I come round and set it up for you then you can see everyone’s pictures and keep in touch!”

Well that’s just a tad arrogant… that automatic assumption that the person said they don’t want to belong to any social networking sites because they are behind the times or don’t understand the benefits! Maybe that person doesn’t want to look at endless photos of someone else’s life… and maybe just maybe they don’t wish to keep in touch with people that the natural progression of time used to lose quite blamelessly. It’s the same old thing of thinking your own value base is the universal standard…. GET OVER IT, they simply just don’t WANT to join your club.

People are just threatened about their choice if you don’t want to see a block buster film. It’s as if the choice could not possibly be reasonably arrived at! I’ll give you a couple of real life examples:

I recall telling a friend I had never seen, nor had any interest in seeing the movie Titanic. He promptly fell into complete disbelief. He thought I did not understand the historic importance of the tale of the lost ship and started telling me the movies plot. When I stopped him and informed that I had studied the White Star Line at school, I knew it was built in Belfast, that 700 + people survived and I already seen “A Night to Remember” and “The Sinkable Molly Brown”. Given a through schooling plus two previous movies on the subject frankly the bit of my brain reserved for historic sunk vessels was rather full.

On this I found I got nothing but disbelief. And yet the truth is that thanks to school and the movies my brain is overloaded with the ships of the White Star Line! Honestly it still is… All the ships ended “ic” and they ALL sank!!... Atlantic, Naronic, Suevic, Republic, Titanic, Gigantic (renamed Britannic)… I think the only buoyant was ship they had was called Olympic and it still collided with something. See!!! WHY would I want to go to see a film about the subject!!! However my friend gave no truck to my reasoning and kept the “ic” theme by indexing me under lunatic in his head and muttered I was missing cinematic magic.

I’ve had the same experience recently when I decided to go and see “Nine” at the cinema over and above “Avatar”. Apparently going to a movie that actually interests and intrigues you on a personal level is a way of attacking people who go to see the most popular film of the day. That by choosing not seeing Avatar, I was saying I was better than all those who didn’t. How odd… I thought I was just making a choice to see a film I wanted to see.

I think I will say this again… people just HAVE to stop feeling their own value base is the universal standard…. GET OVER IT, just because someone makes different choice does not mean they are rubbishing yours!

Now the Driving thing is close to my heart. I long ago decided to refrain from driving. I figured early on that there are two sorts of people… those who drive… and those who are driven. I really see little benefit in the former as most tasks that involve the motor car are enormously dull – and also automobile ownership is rather expensive and one is under constant restraint when it comes to the consumption.

If one is not carrying the guilt of having the largest carbon footprint puffing out the back of your pleasure vehicle, one is carrying the guilt of causing more childhood cancers than if you locked a nursery full of infants in rooms of lead paint wielding tobacco smokers. I haven’t even mentioned the dangers of alcohol consumption whilst in charge of the carriage of your choice. I have weighed up the odd and have made a choice for me.

Being a non-driver in 2010 leaves the driving populace bewildered in the extreme. They automatically think that my choice means I am attacking their choice (poor loves: they have so much guilt about CO2 and cancer ridden kiddies, this has become the modern drivers default setting). But the thing that gets me is that they also assume I must be rather simple so need to revisit the benefits of their way of life.

Listen to me drivers… I DO GET AROUND!!! It’s called public transportation and overall (commuting aside) it works. “Personal vehicles = Freedom of the Road” , my arse!!! I tried a car journey to the South of France… honest… but it was faster and more pleasant by train. In a car all I saw was motorway. On a train I got to see the heart of the country. Also on public transportation… drivers do not get lost and no one has to park up to go to the toilet!!!

Home or abroad I bet I get around a lot more than most – AND with less stress. Bus Lane Utopia, I call it as I glide down the lanes reserved for those of us who chose to share a vehicle with the great unwashed. And as for sharing transportation with strangers… they provide comedy and drama for free! Yes I do I know how to drive a car… I learned when I was a teenager. But I have chosen to take it no further. Yes public transport never takes you right to the door, but a brief walk never hurt anyone. Besides, with all our attractions moving out to out of town multi-plexs I am sure all drivers are getting used to the LONG LONG walks from the car park.

Yes when people make a choice, once again it’s a case of some people feeling their own value base is the universal standard…. GET OVER IT, it’s not!

So, to all the people who have done chosen any of the above or don’t have a dishwasher, or who sometimes go out all night and just drink tonic water with a slice of lemon, or who are single rather than settling, or who don’t have 32 different dustbins, or are never seen with that EXTRA bag as they are NOT going to the gym after or even before work…. I salute you!

Yours is a difficult path, full of people screaming OMG, falling away in dead faints, offering counselling you don’t need, and spending hours fretting about you falling behind the times.

Yours is a path without understanding or validation.

Yours is path where you simply place both hands like a cup around your mouth, where you cause the sound of your voice to be amplified when you shout:

“THESE ARE MY CHOICES!!!...IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME!!!!”

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for voting for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff in the 2009 Blogger Choice Awards and for all your support that has made this blog such a success.

BLOG 82: The Boot

THE BOOT

“Betrayal is the only truth that sticks” Arthur Miller, prominent American Playwright and Essayist

Taking trust to the slaughter house… that is what betrayal is. Actually that’s not quite right…it’s taking hope to the slaughter house after you’ve told hope it’s going to a picnic. Betrayal has an awfully potent equal balance of hope and deceit.

Come with me over to the dark side. It seems that there are many of us already there.

Overall I believe wholeheartedly that most people are good. Most of us instinctively do the right thing given the opportunity and some of us are so good that we actively seek out opportunities to be the best version of ourselves.

Conversely most of us are also easily tempted by the fast path to glory. It’s not our fault… we were made weak. Our lives are short and we’re desperate to have something to show for them… but there is not always the time. And then along comes that easy path… the path that says that the value of the reward outshines the value of the trust another has placed in you.

Like us all, I’ve been wandering down life’s gritty and less scenic path when suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I see it. It’s a path that looks so much nicer than the one I’m on… and I can get on it… all it takes is a small blade. A small blade planted deep between the shoulders of someone who will never know it was done by me. It’s brutal but it’s the fast path to glory and it’s the short cut that appeals to our dark side.

Aware as I am that my life is short and the pursuit of glory does take a fair chunk of time, I do hope I’ve not betrayed anyone. If I have it was an unintentional crime…which discounts betrayal straight away. Betrayal, like all murders, demands pre meditation. So, on this one I can be blunt and clear: I have never betrayed anyone.

I have a dark side sure… I certainly am not one of those whose friends and neighbours would say of them “She wouldn’t hurt a fly, she was without enemies”.

If life is a war then I’ve been in battles. You can’t live a (relatively speaking) long life without casualties. And like most I have a high body count of those I have run through with my battle sword. I’ve hurt more than a fly. Should you wander onto my dark side, it’s pretty clear where you are and what will happen next. I am totally visible as being the head attached to the body on the end of the foot attached to the boot that will kick your ass. Therefore I could never pretend to be all sweetness and light, but the act of betrayal fascinates me, it is place never ventured. To me this is something so dark that I cannot quite comprehend its appeal.

There is so little visibility with betrayal…it’s all smoke and mirrors… of pretending to be one thing, while being another. “Come with me hope… the picnic is just around the corner….”

It is not for nothing that betrayal has at its Greek origins the word traitor. How could any reward be worth treachery? For the life of me I can’t quite get my mind to get to the place one must have to be where the pay off for such action seems worthwhile. To betray people who were expecting more from you must leave any victory hollow.

Great heroes return from Troy… but whilst the whole horse thing certainly worked… it must have felt cowardly… creeping out of what the Trojans believed was a gift. Not exactly the finest moment for warrior kind.

Handing the Von Trapps over to the Nazi’s… okay Ralph you thought you were doing it for your country, but how did you feel betraying a family who had only ever shown you kindness. To quote the great E.M Forster, I trust that should I ever have the terrible choice to make between betraying my friends or my country I hope I too have the guts to betray my country!

I could go on with many a quote, Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Harold Pinter, F Scott Fitzgerald; betrayal gives fiction the jeopardy every good tale needs. Fiction is rife with acts of betrayal on epic scales. It makes for great drama for the betrayed to look the betrayer in eye and gasp… “You!”. It is the essence of the cliff hanger.

However in real life few are seldom awarded that moment of realisation. Most often the betrayed wanders into the abyss unsure of how exactly they got there, and the betrayer walks calmly into the rest of their life.

I for one am not surprised that (in a world that worships falsehoods created by celebrity culture) we have little sympathy for the deceit that is practiced in order for a small step towards personal advancement.

We have a culture in which the victim of betrayal is blamed for being gullible or vulnerable... or even just there. We have a culture where there is little value attached to trust and idealism… and few penalties for the violations of either.

We have a culture that tolerates violations of trust. We have a culture that excuses deceit, gossiping, backstabbing and taking undeserved credit … and calls it ambition.

Ambition on those terms shows easy and fast rewards. The rewards of taking the path of betrayal are many fold and do seem to last for a while… quite a while. It seems there is longevity in what 30 pieces of silver can buy.

But be warned… it’s a long game. In the end everything becomes known for what it is… a betrayer becomes known as the one who violates trust, abandons friends and leaves their ideals behind. Go for the shiny baubles of immediate reward if you may, but know this… you will never come out the hero.

What is a victory on the day for those who betray the trust of others becomes recorded in the minds of all who follow as acts of despicable cowardice. The Trojan horse is more synonymous with being underhand than being a heroic… so much so that sneaky computer viruses have been named after them! And poor Ralph aiming to be Austria’s hero… lives on only in the kindest of memories as an extreme example of misguided youth.

The glories of betrayal do not seem to last forever as it seems that, current culture or no, we have a more enduring arrangement with our souls. It seems ultimately, we prefer acts of treachery to belong to our villains and not our heroes. And we all wish to be the hero of our own story – don’t we?

And yet, there are those who gamble that they may at least slip under the radar during their lifetimes and histories vengeance is a punishment they may never know.

For any who have ever made that misjudgement… be warned. Not all victims of duplicity, treachery, deceit and betrayal are willing to wait for the sands of time to settle. There are many people who just like Jax have a soul which is within a body which is attached to the leg which ends with the foot that is wearing the boot…. THAT WILL KICK YOUR ASS!

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for voting for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff in the 2009 Blogger Choice Awards and for all your support that has made this blog such a success.

BLOG 81: The Great Shoe Analogy

“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.” Imelda Marcos, notorious shoe lover and widow of ousted dictator of The Philippines

I was very disheartened to hear that the shoe genius that is Stuart Weitzman, has cancelled his million dollar shoe at the Oscars this year. For those who don’t know, this designer produces shoes with millions of dollars of jewels on them to go down the red carpet. When I was last in Los Angeles I had the fortune to be up close and personal with one of his creations and to say I had died and gone to heaven was an understatement. You see, like most of my gender, Jax has a deep and meaningful relationship with the garments of the foot. I do hope Mr Weitzman will have a change of heart.

I have often said that shoes provide one of life’s great analogies. If life gives you an amazing outfit it’s not enough…it needs something at the base to protect your vulnerable feet. Shoes represent something other than footwear to me… see if you can work it out before the end of the blog.

Isn’t odd that nature made it neigh on impossible to function barefoot? In a world of so many landscapes, about the only one that work with foot au natural is the beach! Feet are vulnerable to heat, cold, uneven surfaces and spiky objects. Face facts… we need shoes.

What we all really need is a comfortable slipper. Something you can slip into with ease that will keep your feet warm and toasty, cause you no pain and allow you to get on with what you have to do without holding you back. (Do not try hoovering in a pair of kitten heel ostrich feather trimmed mules… it cannot be done!)

Oh yes, slippers come in all shapes and sizes and some are even darn right glamorous. But face fact, slippers are great in the house but none but the really self assured (or barking mad) would actually go out in them.

So, nine times out of ten – if you are looking to impress on the other side of your doorstep, what you go for is a sparkly pair of sandals. It’s the fast track to being the envy of all your mates. They are dazzling on or off the foot, and my goodness when they are on they make you look amazing. Not only do they finish off your outfit with aplomb, suddenly you are taller, you have an elegant posture and you feel like a supermodel.

Of course the amazing sparkly sandal is not without drawbacks. It’s not a natural shape – always narrower that your actual foot. They near enough always come with a crippling heel. Wear a pair of sparkly sandals too long and sooner or later being barefoot will become a better option. (But hey, they still look good when you’re carrying them!)

There are loads of options that lie in between the comfortable slipper and the sparkly sandal. But when you go for one of those… there is always some girl who turns up in the sparkly sandal and you’ll be jealous or there will be some self assured woman who turns up in comfortable slippers and you’ll envy her confidence. Then you’ll look at your in between option and feel slightly dissatisfied with your choice.

Sure, you could go barefoot… but life is unfortunately not a beach and it’s expected of you to have shoes. (Even if you are just carrying them!)

Shoes are always the source of much pleasure and much uncertainty.

You don’t have to be Carrie in Sex and The City to be aware of the great pleasure involved in buying a pair of shoes. There is something decadent about whole process… as well as a certain amount of foot lingerie or outright foot nudity. Sliding your stockinged or bare foot into the unfamiliar surface of a new shoe is quite seductive enough without the unspoken promise shoes offer of a brighter future. It’s head turning stuff!

Of course, the first wearing is an assault course of adjustment (if not out and out pain)! But over time, your feet give a little, the shoes give a little and the whole thing is working out. Eventually though you begin to take them for granted and they start letting you down… and the thrill has gone. No one compliments your shoe choice anymore – in fact some even can’t believe you still are wearing those shoes! You downgrade the shoes to everyday wear; they will never see the insides of anywhere special in your life again. Fashion enviably changes and you will start looking at other shoes.

Shoes are strange things. You can never tell they are the wrong pair… until they are the only pair you have.

There is nothing like being abroad to know for sure that the shoes you packed are entirely wrong for your needs.

In these days of low cost airlines where you have to pay extra to have luggage in the hold, you are supposed travel light. Just one small, lightweight case you can put in the overhead lockers.

By their very nature, shoes take up far too much room. Either aerospace design is wrong or shoes design is wrong. Maybe planes should be just that bit wider so the overhead lockers could hold a slightly longer case? Or maybe shoes should be collapsible? Either way a carry-on case is just not big enough to carry a decent choice of shoes. These things are designed to be big enough for you to carry a decent choice of outfits, accessories and all your cosmetics but however you work it only one pair of shoes is getting in that case. You just have to pray that your footwear balances up your careful selected clothing.

But nine out of ten times – despite the fact you have rehearsed every outfit with them before you packed… once abroad, you will have a sneaky feeling that all your outfits would have looked better with any of the pairs you didn’t choose to bring. But your choice was limited; you had to pick one. Of course you could have paid to have a bigger case in the hold – but that means you have to check it in, collect it at the other end and a load of other hassles. So you paid your money for the carry on option and you made your choice. But somehow – even knowing the other option was not for you…you feel a better choice escaped you.

It’s not just on holiday that shoes take up far too much room – they do so at home too.

You think you’ll just kick them off, so you can lounge on the sofa and watch the soaps. You’ve had to deal with them all day would be a good thing to be barefoot for a while. And it is for about five minutes. Then you notice them… just lying there disguarded in the middle of the rug. It starts to get on your nerves… they are just there demanding attention. So you HAVE to pick them up and deal with them. Thing is you can’t just drape shoes on the back of a chair or push shoes to the side… they have to be put away properly otherwise they are just a hazard waiting to trip someone up.

But that’s not all... shoes always require maintenance. Don’t matter how amazing the shoe… it will need re-soleing or re-heeling sooner or later and it can’t do it itself. You could try to get away with wearing them when they are past their prime… but it always shows. If you wanna keep wearing them then you have ensure the maintenance happens, unless you want the world to see that you have low standards.

Of course, shoes really struggle to suit all circumstances. You find a pair that you think can take you from day to night… but somehow they are too flashy for daytime, too conservative for evening or too clunky for nightime. What the hell happened? They seemed perfect in the shop!

It’s the same with terrains… the walking shoes let in water, the office courts snap their heels on the escalator, the strappy sandals buckle breaks (but only on one foot), even the slippers sole parts company with the toes. Is there no footwear that can last the course?

I guess not… maybe they just protect your feet for while, then wear out. Maybe shoes were designed to be worn, enjoyed and replaced. But then what do you do with all those shoes that no longer thrill you?

Sometimes, passing your shoes on to someone else is the answer.

My sister had a fabulous pair of patent sling backs that she just could not get on with. She tried bless her, but they made her feet look fat and the sling back would never stay on her heel. So she gave them to me. They haven’t let me down yet. But then, I wear them differently. Maybe that’s the key to getting the most out of your shoes… try wearing them differently.

You may think you can go barefoot and you know what you probably can. But shoes are there first and foremost to protect your feet, and I really don’t think they get enough credit for that job.

I think we all get caught up in the fashion, the sparkle, the glamour, the expense… and we forget what shoes are for.

They are there face down in the shit we don’t want to put our feet in.

In return, they ask for a little bit of give so they can wrap around our feet properly and YES… that will cause a bit of pain in the process. They also ask for regular maintenance so that they can keep looking good and thrilling us (and our mates) like they did when we first came across them. They also have to be put away properly if we want to go barefoot for a while cause they just get in the way and cause chaos otherwise. But if you really have a pair that ain’t working for you… give them away … it may not be the shoe…it just might be your foot.

But always remember… if you have feet… you are always free to shop for shoes.

You got it yet?

Shoes are the best analogy for men I have ever come across.

And like Carrie… I totally LOVE the shoe! (but quick note to self: Stop going for those glamorous sparkly sandals.. you absolutely ALWAYS end up carrying them!)

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