“The refusal to choose is a form of choice; disbelief is a form of belief.” Frank Barron Pioneer in Psychology
Have you ever noticed that if you choose NOT to do something you get more critique than if you choose to do something? Isn’t it amazing that disbelief people suffer when they come face to face with the fact that what they hoped was inaction was in fact a considered choice.
You know the drill: The Chorus of Disapproval: I can’t believe you don’t…… [Fill in the blank with what ever activity your critic needs your validation for].
There is always something that someone else believes is an indispensible tool of modern life, that they just assume the rest of the world hold dear. And BOY, when they find that life can go on with out that tool, doesn’t it shake them to the core.
Take social networking sites… these babies have only been with since 1995 (Friends Reunited anyone?) -but admit to anyone that you don’t My Space, Facebook or Twitter and hear that astounded gasp!
Take the latest block buster movie...even with all the hype that surrounds release the thing could not have been part of public consciousness for more than a few months – but admit to anyone that you have no interest in seeing it and know that your character WILL be called into question.
Take driving… believe it or not getting around without the automobile has been an achievable state for homo sapiens for some 190,000 years – but admit to anyone that you have not a full driving licence and be prepared for your confidant to faint.
I could go… not having a dishwasher (gasp!), not drinking alcohol (shock!), not dating (horror!), not recycling (panic), not having a current gym membership ( O. M. G!!!)… the list is endless. It seems we live in times where it is no longer recognised that choosing not to join in…is actually a choice.
Now I have to admit to quite liking social networking sites. I work form home so I do not have the luxury of colleagues to have a natter with around the water dispenser. In fact I would be most alarmed if I entered the kitchen and found some!!! So for me, logging in during the day and checking what everyone is up to keeps me in the loop. Social networking sites are a jolly useful invention – for me.
However, I am appalled by the way people react when someone says that they don’t want to belong to any of these networks from choice. There are two standard reactions.
The most common is the “Oh I hardly use it myself… but I have so many friends that are just SLAVES to it, I do have to log on from time to time to just check in.”
That one just drives me crazy because, well… that’s just not true is it? This attempt to make out that you are a higher level of user is just so transparent. You joined a social networking site because you WANT to be kept in the loop and you are as much a part of the on-line community as anyone else. BUT you have taken your friends choice NOT to join as a critique of YOUR choice. So now you are denying whilst justifying at the same time. GET OVER IT… your friend has made a choice for their life NOT yours…believe in their choice and your own and get some NUTS!
The other reaction is “Oh my word!!! You are such a dinosaur, look how about I come round and set it up for you then you can see everyone’s pictures and keep in touch!”
Well that’s just a tad arrogant… that automatic assumption that the person said they don’t want to belong to any social networking sites because they are behind the times or don’t understand the benefits! Maybe that person doesn’t want to look at endless photos of someone else’s life… and maybe just maybe they don’t wish to keep in touch with people that the natural progression of time used to lose quite blamelessly. It’s the same old thing of thinking your own value base is the universal standard…. GET OVER IT, they simply just don’t WANT to join your club.
People are just threatened about their choice if you don’t want to see a block buster film. It’s as if the choice could not possibly be reasonably arrived at! I’ll give you a couple of real life examples:
I recall telling a friend I had never seen, nor had any interest in seeing the movie Titanic. He promptly fell into complete disbelief. He thought I did not understand the historic importance of the tale of the lost ship and started telling me the movies plot. When I stopped him and informed that I had studied the White Star Line at school, I knew it was built in
On this I found I got nothing but disbelief. And yet the truth is that thanks to school and the movies my brain is overloaded with the ships of the White Star Line! Honestly it still is… All the ships ended “ic” and they ALL sank!!... Atlantic, Naronic, Suevic, Republic, Titanic, Gigantic (renamed Britannic)… I think the only buoyant was ship they had was called Olympic and it still collided with something. See!!! WHY would I want to go to see a film about the subject!!! However my friend gave no truck to my reasoning and kept the “ic” theme by indexing me under lunatic in his head and muttered I was missing cinematic magic.
I’ve had the same experience recently when I decided to go and see “Nine” at the cinema over and above “Avatar”. Apparently going to a movie that actually interests and intrigues you on a personal level is a way of attacking people who go to see the most popular film of the day. That by choosing not seeing Avatar, I was saying I was better than all those who didn’t. How odd… I thought I was just making a choice to see a film I wanted to see.
I think I will say this again… people just HAVE to stop feeling their own value base is the universal standard…. GET OVER IT, just because someone makes different choice does not mean they are rubbishing yours!
Now the Driving thing is close to my heart. I long ago decided to refrain from driving. I figured early on that there are two sorts of people… those who drive… and those who are driven. I really see little benefit in the former as most tasks that involve the motor car are enormously dull – and also automobile ownership is rather expensive and one is under constant restraint when it comes to the consumption.
If one is not carrying the guilt of having the largest carbon footprint puffing out the back of your pleasure vehicle, one is carrying the guilt of causing more childhood cancers than if you locked a nursery full of infants in rooms of lead paint wielding tobacco smokers. I haven’t even mentioned the dangers of alcohol consumption whilst in charge of the carriage of your choice. I have weighed up the odd and have made a choice for me.
Being a non-driver in 2010 leaves the driving populace bewildered in the extreme. They automatically think that my choice means I am attacking their choice (poor loves: they have so much guilt about CO2 and cancer ridden kiddies, this has become the modern drivers default setting). But the thing that gets me is that they also assume I must be rather simple so need to revisit the benefits of their way of life.
Listen to me drivers… I DO GET AROUND!!! It’s called public transportation and overall (commuting aside) it works. “Personal vehicles = Freedom of the Road” , my arse!!! I tried a car journey to the South of
Home or abroad I bet I get around a lot more than most – AND with less stress. Bus Lane Utopia, I call it as I glide down the lanes reserved for those of us who chose to share a vehicle with the great unwashed. And as for sharing transportation with strangers… they provide comedy and drama for free! Yes I do I know how to drive a car… I learned when I was a teenager. But I have chosen to take it no further. Yes public transport never takes you right to the door, but a brief walk never hurt anyone. Besides, with all our attractions moving out to out of town multi-plexs I am sure all drivers are getting used to the LONG LONG walks from the car park.
Yes when people make a choice, once again it’s a case of some people feeling their own value base is the universal standard…. GET OVER IT, it’s not!
So, to all the people who have done chosen any of the above or don’t have a dishwasher, or who sometimes go out all night and just drink tonic water with a slice of lemon, or who are single rather than settling, or who don’t have 32 different dustbins, or are never seen with that EXTRA bag as they are NOT going to the gym after or even before work…. I salute you!
Yours is a difficult path, full of people screaming OMG, falling away in dead faints, offering counselling you don’t need, and spending hours fretting about you falling behind the times.
Yours is a path without understanding or validation.
Yours is path where you simply place both hands like a cup around your mouth, where you cause the sound of your voice to be amplified when you shout:
“THESE ARE MY CHOICES!!!...IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME!!!!”
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