BLOG 111: The BOLT HOLE

““Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best.” Chinese Proverb

The downside of not being oriental is that I was never taught the other 35 alternatives to dealing with a situation. Luckily being British – the 36^th one suits me fine. Now I’m not saying that my great and glorious nation is a nation of fleers. EVERY ONE knows that us plucky Brits will stand and fight even when the odds are stacked against us. BUT the more impressive characteristic we have is a really good sense of when to take a break.

A change is a good as a rest.

We’re always saying that – and more to the point… we mean it.

When it all gets too much we adopt the 36^th alternative… and take off to our boltholes.

And in my case doesn’t have to be for long. It doesn’t have to be far away. It just has to NOT be where I usually am. And the effect is like watching the battery bar on a charging mobile phone….and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzap! I can work on all cylinders. I’m better. Everything’s better.

Living as I do on an island of varied landscape, boltholes come in many guises. Before the advent of cheap air travel lots of people took advantage of them. Bored country dwellers ran away to the big cities for dazzling distraction and returned home with an appreciation of tranquillity. Burnt out townies fled to rolling hills, snow-capped mountains and silent valleys only to return with an appreciation of hub-bub and noise. Destinations may vary these days, but one thing remains the same. Runaway to your bolthole… come back renewed.

I don’t know what I’d do without mine. In company or alone, it recharges me. The landscape is alien from my regular one – but strangely familiar as it has many similarities. Wherever I have lived I never live too far from water. Rivers, lakes, streams… there is always one nearby. I find it soothing to sit by living water; it’s so purposeful in its journey. No wonder in times of stress I flee to the largest resource of the stuff I can find.

My bolthole unsurprisingly is on the coast. But surprisingly it is not a plane ride away.

The UK has 7723 miles of coast which is rather amazing given the small size of our islands. (We have more coast than Italy, France OR Spain!) Amongst that lot we have some of the world’s most stunning beaches, intriguing hidden coves, and spectacular cliff tops. We also have some pretty vibrant resorts. The best bit about the coast is that it surrounds us on all sides and is only around two hours away, by car, from anywhere in the UK.

So with all those resources – you’d imagine when I realise it’s time to hit the 36^th alternative to dealing with a situation – I’d have a different destination every time. After all we have a coastline for every mood.

But funny enough – NO.

My bolt hole is one place. EVERY mood. EVERY situation. EVERY time.

When I wanted to celebrate the best news I’d ever had – I gathered all my mates we jumped on a train - and we went… there.

When one of my besties left me in charge of planning her hen weekend (which incidentally was a legend and is STILL in my top 3 hen weekends EVER) … we went… there.

When my relationship with my son’s father ended after 13 dramatic years (in fittingly dramatic circumstances) I was a wreck. I’d become emaciated and no one knew what to do with me for the best. Three weeks in and my very good friend bundled me into her car and drove me to the only place she thought would work – there.

When it was a gloriously sunny day and my friend and I were driving to work and thought… “NFI, we are throwing a sicky”… we went… there.

When my son had a school report that we needed to sit down and have a FIRM chat over… we went – there.

When my soul just needs recharging, or my wardrobe needs topping up, or I want to be alone with my thoughts, or I want to have a weekend of total mischief… I go … there.

Odd, I calculate that over the past twenty years, this London Bird must have spent a total of about five of them… in Brighton. And why not as boltholes go Brighton is fashionable, fun and funky, and is loaded with style and offers everything you could want when you want go to the 36^th alternative. It is also cheek by jowl with the South Downs – an area of outstanding beauty but best of all there is Brighton’s famous pebble beach (which has been voted one of the top 10 beach destinations in the world). It truly is a wonderful place to just sit and watch water.

People find it odd that I find Brighton an escape. Let’s face facts; Brighton is without a shadow of a doubt the trendiest resort in the UK. Because it is a metropolitan resort it has earnt the nickname of London-by -the Sea, but to be fair it is more in common with the more metropolitan seaside resorts of France or Spain. Having said that it still offers all of the attributes of a BRITISH seaside resort - long blue flag beach, one of the best examples of a British seaside pier, a long promenade, lots of cafes and restaurants, plenty of attractions and entertainments. Not what one usually conjures to mind when they think of boltholes.

But it works for me. I could not run away to a cave in Wales. I’m far too urbane. What I need when I take the 36^th alternative is not to be where the misery is… and let’s face facts Misery and Brighton have NEVER met.

Brighton has sexy attractions other resorts in the UK wish they had – but just don’t. Whether you boat floats on entertainment, solitude , scenery or shopping, it has something for everyone.

From the Lanes, to the nudist beach, to The Royal Pavilion Brighton has it going on. Talking about the Royal Pavilion – howzat for a little bit of India in the UK! The RP (as locals call it) is unique in style and history (Queen Victoria once owned it). The royal connection with this resort goes back along way as well. The Prince Regent used to visit in the 1780's and that set the trend for many people to follow and they're still coming. Basically ALL the hip people go to Brighton. And because of that things really get going after dark. That is when the metro side of the city comes to the fore - with loads of nightclubs and excellent bars to choose from.

I know… I know I’m not convincing you, and I really don’t expect to. We are all so well travelled these days – getting away from it all must always involve some sort of carbon offset to a major airline… getting away from stress in the UK is just asking to get stressed again! Brighton PAH! I hear you say:

JAXWORLD READER: But JAX… it’s just a seaside resort… and it’s in the UK…. For heaven sake what on EARTH can anyone find to do there apart from being miserable in the rain and eating fish and chips on the pier?

JAX: AHEM!! Firstly it doesn’t rain in the UK EVERY day, and because it DOES rain here sometimes at least we have an infrastructure of things to do if the sun won’t oblige. Brighton has everything for EVERY occasion.

JAXWORLD READER: YEAH RIGHT!.... like what? Bet you couldn’t come up with more than 5!

So excuse me… you leave me no choice…

WHY BRIGHTON?

1. I CAN GET BLOWN AWAY AT THE ROYAL PAVILION

The incredible seaside palace of royals has been transformed by John Nash into one of the most dazzling and exotic buildings in the British Isles.

2. I CAN BEACH IT – I’M AT THE SEASIDE!

Although in the Top 10 beach destinations Brighton hasn’t got sand but has one of the best blue flag beaches you can put your towel on. (There is a sand pit for volleyball and sandcastles if I must!)

3. I CAN GO THE RIGHT LANES ON THE LEFT

The North Laine area is just the best part of quirky Brighton. Well known for its eco friendly and environmental approach to life, it even has its very own vegetarian shoe shop. (Yes! you read that right)

4. I CAN GO NEXT DOOR!

Just west of the city centre (and resplendent with Regency townhouses, as well as a great beachfront, museum, shops and restaurants) is a place locals call “Hove Actually”. It’s very colourful and has a completely different pace from its famous neighbour.

5. I CAN GET IN!!!

Long treasured by bathers and promenading tourists, visitors to Brighton beach can now take another comfort from the famous pebbly shores. Recently awarded Blue Flag status in recognition of its cleanliness and water quality, taking the plunge has never been cleaner!

6. I CAN DO JOHN SMITH ON THE HORSES

Brighton Race Course is where the turf meets the surf and John Smith’s Race Day, is like Ascot for the common man.

7. I CAN WALK LIKE A MOVIE STAR

Brighton has been in a LOT of movies and you can follow the filmic legacies old and new, by picking up a movie map from the visitor centre.

8. I CAN HAVE A GRAND TEA!

Savour your scones in sumptuous style at the lush De Vere Grand Hotel, with an afternoon tea to die for…smoked salmon sandwiches, chocolate dipped strawberries and naughty cream hornes await!

9. I CAN RIDE ANCIENT CHOOS CHOOS

The oldest remaining operating electric railway in the world is Volk’s Railway. It pootles along the beachfront and gives superb views out to sea.

10. I CAN BUY A ONE OFF

Nestling under small Victorian arches on Brighton’s beachfront lies the bohemian Artists’ Quarter, housing a collection of quaint and funky artists’ studio with art for sale.

11. I CAN BE THE NEXT BIG THING

Lucky Voice gives you a private singing booth where you can belt out tunes till your hearts content! Possibly the most liberating singing experience on earth

12. I CAN WATCH MEN IN WHITE

Sussex Cricket club is right there in “Hove Actually” asking you to sit back, relax and join the men in white as leather hits willow. HOWZAT

13. I CAN RIDE THE OCEAN WAVES (WITH A MACKEREL?)

Watertours offer a 45 minute pleasure cruise along the coast and past the 2 piers or if you so fancy it lets you join a 90 minute mackerel fishing trip.

14. I CAN BE RUDYARD KIPLING

The great mans delightful gardens are full of olde world charm. Check out the rose or herb garden or relax in the chalk garden. The nearby Grange Museum also houses Kipling memorabilia.

15. I CAN DO THE GALLERIES WITH STYLE

Brighton Museum and Art Gallery offers a range of dynamic and innovative galleries, including fashion and style and 20th century art and design, as well as changing exhibitions.

14. I CAN SHAKE IN MY BOOTS

The pier’s ghost train to Horror Hotel will have you shaking in your seat. Thrill seekers on the pier should also the Super Booster ride, which rockets from 0-60mph in under 3 seconds taking you 38 metres up,

before hurtling you back down again

15. I CAN INDULGE IN SPYING…THE BEST GAME IN TOWN

Spy on people with the camera obscura at Foredown Tower Countryside Centre. Actually, the Edwardian Tower also offers breathtaking views across Sussex and is the perfect starting point for a walk on the Downs.

16. I CAN DO THE UNDERCLIFF

Rejuvenate with some sea air and a leisurely summer stroll along the impressive Undercliff Walk along the Brighton seafront all the way to Saltdean.

17. I CAN GET CLOSER TO GOD

St Bartholomew’s Church is one of the great churches of the 19th century – it is also the highest in Britain.

18. I CAN GET IN WITH THE DEVIL

Pack the sarnies and ginger beer, pull out your best blanket and roll up to Devil’s Dyke for a chilled out day on the Downs. Sit back, relax and take in the views north towards the Weald and south over the sea.

19. I CAN GO INTO OUTER SPACE.

Earthship Brighton is a solar powered, eco friendly building built from used tyres. A great day out with a difference

20. I CAN FLY LIKE BUMBLEBEES AND RED ARROWS

See Brighton & Hove from a helicopter or take a scenic tour in a small aircraft both from Shoreham airport.

21. I CAN FORGET BEN AND JERRY’S

Check out Scoop & Crumb for proper scrummy British ice creams and sorbets including Rhubarb & Custard, Sherry Trifle, Real Tiramisu, Roasted Plum Crumble & Mixed Berry Burst.

22. I CAN GIVE UP MEAT

With veggie delights to turn the most avid carnivore, Terre à Terre brings a whole new meaning to the term vegetarian with a mouth-watering menu of sublime veggie dishes. Drop in and go veggietastic – I can’t believe I just said that!

23. I CAN RUN AROUND TOWN WITH SOME NUTS

Bursting at the seams with art, history and sheer quirkiness, Brighton’s the perfect place to join a treasure hunt or take a culture walk. The visitor centre has loads of leaflets from companies doing this.

24. I CAN TRAIL A PODCAST

Each podcast has a different theme - from famous people and gay and lesbian history to arts and sculpture – and will help you tour different parts of the city.

25. I CAN GET QUACKING

Queen’s Park was formerly a Victorian pleasure garden. The lake is a favourite attraction and feeding the ducks a tranquil way to spend a lazy afternoon before wandering around the wildlife or scented garden.

26. I CAN HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT HAVE MY WINE AND DRINK IT

A must for film buffs, the Duke of York’s Picture House was one of the first cinemas in the world. They’ve got cracking art house films, mainstream fare, comfy seats, a huge pair of legs on the roof and they sell cake and wine!!!

27. I CAN HAVE STYLISH STARTS TO PERFECT ENDS

Riddle and Finns will have you indulging in sumptuous seafood, sipping chilled champagne and sitting at marble topped tables. Oysters and Champagne is just the start….

28. I CAN SUBMARINE IT!

Amazonia at the Sea Life Centre has 150 species and 57 displays, but better than that Submarine Adventures gets you in with the giant turtles!

29. I CAN GO TO JAIL

Visit the old police cells museum and they’ll happily lock you up. They have all sorts of fascinating, grisly collections too!

30. I CAN PRETEND I AM IN LONDON

From Marlene Dietrich to Laurence Olivier, everyone has trod the boards at the Theatre Royal Brighton. Still the best place to see West End shows but NOT at London prices!

31. I CAN HAVE A FILTHY WEEKEND

Brighton’s Victorian sewerage system is one of the most magnificent examples of civil engineering of its kind and the sewer tours have become a very popular outing!

32. I CAN PEE MYSELF LAUGHING!

Komedia is Brighton’s comedy club and also offers performances of music, comedy, cabaret and theatre

33. I CAN GO TO THE HAUNTED HOUSE

Slamming doors, mysterious wafts of lavender and eerie tales of Victorian séances... throw in the chilling White Lady and you know you have visited Preston Manor – NOT for the faint hearted. BOO!

34. I CAN GET SAND BETWEEN MY TOES

Beachminton, bouldering, volleyball and ultimate Frisbee have taken Brighton by storm at Yellowaves award winning beach sports venue. Yep... a sandy beach in Brighton (who’d have thunk it!)

35. I CAN GET DOWN

Brighton is right on top of the spectacular South Downs; in fact if you just jump on a bus you’ll find they link the city with some of the area’s finest countryside – in minutes!

36. I CAN CHEAT MY WAY TO RAMBLING

Countryside means sad sad shoes. BUT...Bus Walks let you ride by bus to a point in Brighton, follow the route instructions and after a brisk walk on the South Downs return to your bus stop for the journey home. (See walking CAN be done in heels!)

37. I CAN ADMIT THE HEELS HAVE TO GO!

Stanmer Park was named as one of Britain’s Top 10 walks by the Independent. Okay you need proper walking shoes but Great Wood, the down land and Pudding Bag Wood are really worth it! (Rush back to Brighton and change before you start liking muddy boots though)

38. I CAN GO TOOAT MILL

There’s a restored mill at West Blatchington which’ll give you the history of milling and even has scale models of other mills if that is not enuf for you!

39. I CAN BE ACTION MAN

From kayaking, rock climbing and abseiling to mountaineering, canoeing and bushcraft, there are a fabulous range of outdoor pursuits for the adventurous, big and small. Visit centre has a list of companies in the area.

40. I CAN SEE IT UPSIDE DOWN AND INSIDE OUT

Jump into a 12ft PVC orb and hurtle down a hill on the beautiful South Downs at speeds of up to 30mph. Or for sun, surf and dirt, try extreme mountain boarding with a nutty outfit called three sixty.

41. I CAN SURF, PADDLE and SPLASH

On the front the well named Watersports is one of the country's premier

watersports centres, offering windsurfing and stand up paddle board lessons, plus much more.

42. I CAN BE IN TOY STORY

Brighton Toy and Model Museum is an Aladdin’s cave of the finest toys and models, including mechanical toys, dolls house furniture and puppets dating back to the 1790s.

43. I CAN HAVE SUSSEX-FUL DAYS

From fishing and cycling to guided woodland walks, a company that has been going as long as I can remember are called So Sussex. A guide is so much easier than a map and a compass!

44. I CAN SEE INDIA’S GIFT IS NEVER FORGOTTEN

As war memorials go the Chattri is a unique monument. Located on the beautiful South Downs it is dedicated to Indian Soldiers who died in WW1. Accessible by bridleway, you can walk, cycle or even horse ride your way there – stunning.

45. I CAN LOOK AT DRY BONES!

Booth Museum of Natural History is full of whale and dinosaur bones and over half a million other specimens – perfect for that night in a museum.

46. I CAN GET ON MY BIKE

What better way to experience the sensation of fresh air and open spaces, whilst getting some exercise and enjoying stunning views across Sussex and the sea? Loads of hire companies abound.

47. I CAN GET FISHY!

Think you know your cod from your crayfish? Check out Brighton Fishing Museum, where you can EAT the stuff as well as finding out all there is to know about fishing in Brighton.

48. I CAN GET MY RAINBOW ON

Attracted to its bohemian atmosphere, open minded attitudes and raffish air - Brighton has now long been known as Britain's number one gay resort. Kemptown area is known as the 'gay village' and has a thriving and diverse scene.

49. I CAN GET AN ALL OVER TAN

Admitted NOT the nicest part of the beach – but since 1979 has been the place where nudity isn’t frowned on and you can let the breeze get to you like it did Adam and Eve.

50. I CAN FIND A FOSSIL

The area is rich with fossils. The seafront regularly churns up fossils of mammoths, woolly rhinos and hippos. (Hippos in Brighton… now there’s a thought!)

Brighton may not be your idea of a bolt hole – but it certainly works for me. I can go there and be distracted till I can’t remember what on earth it was that had me in such a tiz. I can also go there and do anything and be alone with my thoughts and watch the sea lap the pebbled shores as it has for a million years.

The thing about bolt holes is… they provide us with somewhere to heal. A place where a change is as good as a rest.

And as for me… when I get back… as the old Chinese proverb goes… the best alternative was certainly taken and I return to find that I can handle just about anything.

Till next time.

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BLOG 110: Turned OFF Now!

“Choose friends who will stick to you till the end, through thick and thin” Shirdi Sai Baba Indian Saint (incarnation of Shiva)

There is always the one who got away.

It’s amazing how it’s the things that never quite got off the ground, the fledgling flight, that linger in the memory. Well, it is to me … considering how many things have got of the ground and yielded fantabulous results it’s odd how sometimes my mind wanders back to the things that never worked out.

I found a letter yesterday when I was trying to find a box of receipts that I was supposed to give to my publisher 16 months ago.

I have to admit that even though on the surface I appear tidy and organised (a place for everything and everything in its place)… I run on a kind of bizarre chaos theory. Tidy everything away so that my living/working space is in order and then play the game of “where the hell did I tidy THAT away to?”.

Anyway. About three hours before I found the box of receipts (tidied into a box labelled RECEIPTS which were then put in a box of garden decorations last used during a Wimbledon themed BBQ) I found a letter, (in a box labelled OLD XMAS CARDS FOR RECYCLING) complete with the postage stamp bearing the postmark Upolu, Western Samoa.

My mind was automatically transported back to a time not so long ago when I was actively pretending to have an interest in Golf. (The sport not the Volkswagen best seller).

I tentatively opened the letter – lord knows why I was so nervous about it… I knew the contents by heart…it’s just that a few years had past since I received it and I had this strange feeling the contents may be different this time… but of course they were not. I knew the end result, I was too loud so he took the job at Penina Golf Course on the other side of the world to ensure he could get some quiet.

Any how open it I did and his spidery smudged script (he was left handed but insisted in writing with fountain pens) still looked exactly the same, and the words remained the same…

“…I feel colourless ,kind of sluggishly inadequate – which I know I am not but the dazzlingly flamboyancy of the light you shine puts everything in the shade. I’m not asking you to change… you could never change, and no one would want you to change. I’ll miss you laughing and crying in equal amounts of abandon (see! you do things that just seem weird on paper (!)– but happy or sad it seem doesn’t matter to your tear ducts – I’ve seen you do both simultaneously roaring hysterically while tears pump down your cheeks. :0)

But I have had to face it - you are everything that I am not: impulsive, quixotic, boiling over with passion about everything. You tear through life with no reserve oblivious to the more cautious sensibilities of those around you. And this is good…we are all more alive in your company. You make me realise my own dispassion – how unmoved I can be by stuff that really does matter. I’m a blanket on your fire – in the end my reserve will bring you down…you already are less and less the irrepressible life-force you were and I cannot watch us descend into the kind of silence…”

How’s that for a IT’S NOT ME IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU!!.

So - off he went to pick golf balls out of the Pacific Ocean where frankly my dazzling flamboyancy couldn’t bother him further. Funny enough it was my dazzling flamboyancy that was the light that drew that particular moth at the time! Definitely a case of scorched wings and an extreme retreat to the safety of the islands of Australasia. With a bit of luck a mute hula girl is brightening his days and nights now.

Anyway, bitter reminisces of lost golf instructors apart, it certainly got me thinking about how it is the very things that attract you can be the very things that make you want to run for the hills.

CONFIDENCE

Insecurity and desperation are possibly the biggest turn offs. So we all go for someone who has an aura of confidence. How long before that same self confidence become perceived as arrogance though?

INDIVIDUALITY

No one likes another drone of the conveyor belt. So we all go for someone with something about them… a little personal twist that makes them unique. But how long before you just start wishing that quirk would vanish and take them with it?

HUMOUR/CHARM

Everyone likes to laugh and everyone likes to be charmed. So we all look for someone with a G.S.O.H and can say the right thing. But how long before you wish they’d be a little more serious and start praying they’ll put a sock in it with the charming act?

CHAT

We all need intellectual stimulation. So we all go for someone who can hold up their end of a conversation. But how long before meaningful dialogue just is another excuse for a row?

APPEARANCE

No one like to be dating the pity case. So we all like to be seen with someone who will generate at least a little envy amongst our peers. But how long before paranoia sets in and every approach is seen as a threat?

PASSION

We all appreciate the effort, energy and devotion it needs to care about something. So we all like to be with someone who embodies their beliefs. But how long before they bore you so much on the topic you can’t tell where their immersion in their passion begins and they end?

Thing is we all are fickle creatures. There is a strange physiology that makes it so that repeated exposure to stimuli can make us like someone more – and equally can make us hate them. Worse still we are built to be attracted to people who have the skills we lack (to keep the species going I suppose) BUT it has been proven that once we perceive a dissimilarity with another person – it’s all down hill from there… even the traits we once liked or were pretty neutral about become detested.

Going back to my run-away golf instructor by way of example, what he thought he wanted was someone who had strengths in all the areas he lacked – someone who was smart, funny, daring, eccentric/loud and passionate. What he really wanted was someone who was smart, ironic, conventional/quiet and thoughtful. Basically – what he really wanted was to have a relationship with someone just like him on a good day (but with boobs!).

I guess we really have an unrealistic level of optimism about how much we expect other people to be compatible with us. What we really want to believe is that other people share our personality traits, or perception, our sense of humour… all the things we hold dear. Of course as soon as we get really close to someone we find out that they are just not us.. that they are a different being… and as a result we start to find time with them some kind of purgatory. Jean-Paul Sartre went further than even purgatory… he claimed “on average – other people ARE hell”.

Well…. I wouldn’t be English if I didn’t find reason to doubt the thinking’s of a Frenchman. (Leading philosopher and indefatigable pursuer of philosophical reflection or no!). I think not JPS! I think other people are heaven.

I think compatibility can be found in other people’s kindness, consideration and their ability to allow another to express their thoughts without treating them with cruelty, or ridicule. I think that can be found in person who is nothing like “me on a good day”. I think opposites can attract to do what cannot be achieved solo. I think you can bring two sides of puzzle together to make a complimentary whole. I think in that circumstance a true dazzling light will shine out that is as heaven like as you are likely to find on Earth.

Quixotic I may be, be I still think most of us would give those kind of odds a punt.

Unless of course you are the sort of person who would rather be writing letters from an 18 hole golf course in the pacific…with a fountain pen!

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for continuing to vote for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff and for all your support that has made this blog such a success