JAX WORLD: BLOG 229: Just a Cold After All!

Colds are generally NOT transmitted through the air and you CANNOT get a cold by kissing

(proven at the University of Wisconsin in 1984)

With the wild giddy abandon of someone who is in the early stages of dating someone particularly hot, I decided NOT to listen to the following words of wisdom:

"Jax... do not come near me, I'm just getting over a cold"

I don't know about you, but when I am in the early stages of a romance, I am impervious to the following:

Coughs and Colds
Documented and proven therorum
Common sense.

Thus (being imperious to the latter) I launched my self bodily into the joys of the physical and found myself a few days later suffering indisputably from the former.

Of course the worse thing about getting a cold in the early stages of a romance is that you are seldom nursed by your other half - not that you would wish him or her to have access to you when you look as attractive as only your cold ravaged self can look.

I'm not bigging myself up, but fact is - seldom a day passes when I don't get a positive comment on my appearance. However, once infected by the dreaded lurgy, all fashion sense leaves the building and I have an overwhelming desire to wear loose, shapeless brushed nylon and start seeing the benefit of the garment known as the Onesie. If walking around dressed so appallingly isn't enough... other changes take place. As my eyes fog over, redden and sport mysterious dark circles, my hair joins the party by becoming a lifeless mop. But this is nothing compared to my faces central attraction -my nose. It becomes bulbous and begins to peel from the excess blowing. Talking of which... a psychological shift also takes place. I start to build nests of mucus tissues. I don't know why once lurgy-ed up that I can't throw my snot filled rags straight into a bin when I am ill... they become my badge of honor: "Look at me I am 5 foot 7 full of snot...and HERE is the evidence...see SEE!!!" I find it almost comforting to look around me and see the soft paper mounds that surround me.

Another manifestation is that my usually "Duracell Bunny" approach to life goes out the window and I slow right down. Getting a cold is a miserable experience. It feels lousy in fact I feel so rotten that I before every action ask myself, “Why bother?” All my drive vanishes. I simply slub through the day, exposing others to a combination of the virus that infected me, my unattractive baggy clothes, swollen face and mounds of snot rags. I feel angry at myself for allowing myself to fall victim of the uncomfortable fog that is the common cold - but mainly I just feel pathetic.

I think the worst thing about catching the common cold is not that the symptoms are severe, but that they are not severe enough. The common cold will means you'll be sore with the aches and pains, you'll be tired as the virus makes the simple tasks you take for granted (such as breathing) such a chore, you will spend a lot of time sneezing so hard you shake your brain and coughing so hard you feel you will loose a lung. But lets face facts... it's just a ruddy cold and as bad as you feel - you'll never feel badly enough to stop working.

So here I am feeling like poo... but confident that I shall have this thing zapped in a couple of days. (I have worked out the best relief to this crapness... ibuprofen and an antihistamine (the old variety that makes you drowsy). Forget the old wives tales and the supermarket off the shelf cure-all...you can’t do much better than my two drug combo. (Unless of course you REALLY want to wear a Onesie for a week)

So how exactly did I get this thing?

Well....Sir Christopher Andrews found out in the 1950s that colds are not airborne transmitted as we used to believe. Twenty years after that bombshell it was proven that the common cold is spread by.... HANDS. Microscopic mucus drops are deposited on things that are touched and are infectious for some three hours afterwards. All the mucus drops have to do is find a way into your body. And what really doesn't help is that we touch our own eyes and noses several hundred times a day.

And before you ask... NO NO NO... you cannot get the common cold from snogging the face off someone how has a little snivel... that old wives tale was proven to have zero substance following mass clinical trials at the University of Wisconsin in 1984. However if you do get up close and personal with the infected... everything they touch should be wiped down with an antiseptic skin cleanser that contains pyroglutamic acid. (You can see where I went wrong now eh?!)

So with the season of colds being right upon us... I have decided to be generous and give you some top tips of how you can avoid getting in the state I am current in.

And so JaxWorld fans... you know the drill... here comes The List:

No 1 Keep your paws clean. Wash your hands after being in a crowded place or in the same room as someone with a cold. This really works. They tested this on 15000 Navy recruits and episodes of colds and flu almost halved when they were commanded to wash their hands more frequently.

No 2 Beware of knobs and shaking hands.Door handles, handrails on public transport, light switches and crockery are common culprits. You can also pick up cold virus by shaking hands with someone who has recently blown their nose.

No 3 Yes: you bloody well need to wrap up. Cover your nose with a scarf when the weather is cold. The importance of the effect of cold air in the nose is that viruses multiply in the cells that line the nose, and they breed faster when the cells are cool. In an experiment at Cardiff University's Common Cold Centre 90 volunteers 29 per cent developed cold symptom within five days of exposing their hooter compared to 9 per cent of the control group who wrapped up.

No 4 Don't touch your nose and eyes unless you have to. We all do this many times a day without being aware of it. Once the virus is on your hands it's all too easy to transfer it and tears drain from the eyes via a duct into the nose so virus can easily spread from the eyes to the nose.

No 5 Beware of stranger danger. We often pick up colds from people we have never met so wear gloves when you travel on public transport. Yes I know that to some people this might seem a bit over the top but it is very easy to pick up cold virus from handrails on the bus or Tube.

No 6 Walk it off! Take a walk to boost your immune system: even on a cold day it still helps. Scientists claim that walking for between 30 and 40 minutes five times a week almost halved the risk of catching a cold.

No 7 Get some time on the clock. Fewer colds seems to be one advantage of getting older; most over 30's are able to fight off a good selection of the 200 or so different cold viruses without much difficulty.Over time, the immune systems of older people may have learnt to deal with a wide range of cold viruses. After the age of 50, the average person has 1-2 colds each year, whereas 20-year-olds have 2-3 colds annually at least.

No 8 . Do not get down with da kids. It is said that middle aged people get less colds as many older people spend less time with children, who are medically proven to be the main reservoir of cold viruses.

No 9 Banish stress. It might be easier said than done, but it really seems to help. Personal difficulties with friends or relatives affects the immune system and raises your chances to more than twice as likely to become ill with a cold.

WARNING: [And the next one will be as totally true as the others... BUT warning... it is slightly indulgent... I bloody hate Oranges... and I have a cold.. and they sit there in my fruit bowl taunting me claiming if I just ate more of them I wouldn't be this ill> PHAH!..]

No 10 Oranges are NOT the only fruit. Vitamin C has no effect on the likelihood of developing a cold or its severity.Scientists at the Australian National Centre for Epidemiology and Population Health looked at 55 studies of vitamin C and the common cold, going back over 65 years and involving more than 11,000 people. They concluded that, for most people, taking vitamin C regularly does not reduce your chances of getting a cold. However it did have a noticeably good effect on marathon runners, skiers and soldiers exposed to extreme conditions.

Any how that's it. I have a cold.

It's not much of a comfort to know that this could have all been avoided if I had the foresight to wipe down all touched surfaces with pyroglutamic acid... but I think that may have killed the moment. Nor is it any comfort to know that when I heard "Jax, do not come near me, I'm just getting over a cold" I could have followed the advice.

But hey ho... it was kind of L'Oreal....[ If you know what I mean! ]... after all it's just a cold after all.