BLOG 219: HASSLE

"If you read too many things about yourself that are a little bit incorrect, you start just kind of like obsessing over what people think about you." 

Taylor Swift 

If this wasn't MY blog, I would be terribly humble and say "I have had the privilege to be related to, be friends with, or work with very famous people." But ah-ha! This IS my blog … so I don't have to be terribly humble. 

So here's the truth... no, it is NOT a privilege to be around people who for some reason or the other have become notable to the mass of humanity (who by and large have not become notable). People are just people, so it is not a privilege to be in someone's sphere who has become notable for some reason. They are not superhuman.... nothing fundamental changes about your DNA because you have achieved fame. You still eat, pee, poo and daydream of something better...regardless of how well known you have become. 

And that is great - it keeps people grounded.  Nothing other than your status in the eyes of people who do not know you has changed - for a start they have heard of you! But this isn't all good.  People do crazy things when in the presence of someone who has achieved fame... it is most peculiar. It becomes work to remember that you are just a human who has to eat, will definitely pee and poo, and will.. no matter how large the fame portion... dream of some day in the future when life WILL be better than this. That is why famous people hold on tight to their non famous friends... preferably people who knew them BEFORE it became possible to employ someone to pick out the coffee revels from the bag. (Side note... who the HELL eats those coffee ones...  orange creme,  toffee, or peanut centres, along with Galaxy Counters and Maltesers  are all we need!).  

When  I've been with friends, family or colleagues who are in the public sphere bubble that one calls fame... I am absolutely gob-smacked at how genuine the faith is in articles and gossip even in the face of those within the inner circle trying to give the true version. The other day, within my ear shot some acquaintances of mine mistakenly said two famous people were related to each other. I intervened in the dialogue and said that I could 100% confirm that those two persons were not related. Suddenly, computer screens (showing the welcome page of a notorious gossip website) were promptly swiveled towards me with a triumphant "SEE!!!!"… as if that was conclusive proof. So,  I calmly pointed out that I have an impeccable source  - that being that I am related to one of the individuals and not the other. There was a moment of consideration, then it was decided that the website was right and I was wrong - that the knowledge of to whom I am related MUST be lacking in some way because the internet says otherwise!  (After all... who am I!) 

It seems to me that once you achieve fame then everyone who has never met you seems to think that (courtesy of the often fabricated press stories) that they KNOW you, and that they KNOW the intimate details of your life and...given the opportunity to be in your sphere... will act out the intense emotions they feel for you.... which conversely are generated from NOT knowing anything REAL about you at all.  Yes, there are half naked fans who somehow get into your private areas and profess undying love but there are also people (who have done little more than read a gossip website or magazine) who will pronounce with some force and passion how much they HATE you! One only has to look at how reading what John Lennon was purported to BE like, sent one crazed individual who had never met him previously to shoot him dead. 

Recently a trio of us went shopping, two of us had nothing to do with the fame game and one of us used to be famous some time ago and is slotting very nicely back into the wonderful  world of moderate anonymity. One of the trio said to the one who used to  be famous... "You are getting a lot of looks from people - some are blatantly staring!". The friend that used to be famous, just took it all in their stride. "Oh people are  just looking to figure out if I am somebody they know or if I am somebody they SHOULD know". It was quite creepy though, very intrusive and... given that we really don't do eye-contact with people we haven't been formally introduced to in the UK... very rude.  It's simply not something anyone SHOULD have to get used to while picking up milk from Sainsbury's. 

On the other hand there is an old argument that fame does not happen by accident - it has to be courted. To maintain being the public eye, a certain amount of wooing takes place, one must be accessible, one must gain support, respond to applause and one must allow your likeness to be made available for the public to stare at.  Yup... you are so gonna need the press as they are your best shot of achieving this in front of the largest audience possible.  Of course sooner or later you will want them to step back a bit... but the deal done does have the clause...If you go out of your way to bring this kind of attention into your life...it's a bit crap to complain about it! But why do celebs get tired of the publicity? Well quite franky magazines and websites use press releases and interviews to build a character for the celebrity, no one bothers with the cold hard facts, there is a tacit  agreement between the celebs people and the press to build a character that the public want to know  - something that will support the image they have bought into. 

  

But there always will come a day when the celeb wants to be left alone or at least just be the real them. On that day they will reject the media, calling the interest (so painfully courted) intrusion.  So what do the media do when the access is denied....  hack the celebs phone and print their private pictures. Of course... the media  won't know what the pictures mean...so they'll just make up a by-line.  Better still they'll purchase a snap taken by a 'fan' on their mobile as long as it fulfills the criteria "Every picture tells a story". Well yes they do but what story would that be? 

At least the celebrity has the right of rebuttal and has the forum to try to put the record straight. 

But have you ever wondered about the other people in those pictures?  

To an outside eye it must looks like a load of fun being the 'entourage'. Those pictures always show 'a mystery friend' hanging out in somewhere swanky with the celeb. How much non-fun can that be? Life behind the VIP rope! Great. 

Actually no. Things are not  always what they seem.   

Day or night you are at risk of finding yourself in a shot that has made to seem compromising just to sell the story they want to tell. Simple acts that we all do with our friends... lean in to talk during say... a sporting event, will be explained as some kind of sexually based relationship wantonly conducted under the full glare of daylight! (Damn the fact that your boyfriend- who is sitting to your left - has been cropped out of the photo to make it seem that you are having a liaison with the celebrity sitting to your right). 

The worst pictures though are ones taken at night. They always seem doubly as damning... like just by being there you are some how a 'creature of the night'… and therefore morally.... flexible? 

But lets face facts... being out after sunset is routine. You're out for the evening. There has been a few beers, something happens and you detect that your friend is not about to react well to it. So you take the friend aside, hold their lapel and say "Oi mate... look me in the eye.. listen it's not worth it...". We've all done it… you know, when you are telling them off or breaking bad news and need to have eye contact to ensure they are paying attention. [We girls do this a lot with our male friends who have crushes on unsuitable women, or want to have fights with big men that would (given the opportunity) use them as a butter churn!] This is one, maybe two seconds of a great night out - 8hrs with not a single memorable incident to mar the memory - you don't even recall doing it. So how do you feel when the surreptitiously taken photo of you holding your friends lapel appears in the paper or on a gossip website, with the by line "Celebrity getting intimate with mystery woman at drunken nightclub outing."   

This kind of misrepresentation has happened in my circle quite a few times: highlights include where a relative was tagged as getting intimate with an older woman (he was being told off by his aunty at a family wedding), where a friend's mystery new lover was seen sneaking in and out of her house in the early hours (chemist was dropping over some insulin) and my favourite, a series of photographs showing a rapturous reaction to a marriage proposal (over dinner, a box containing coloured contact lens was shown and the person shown them was very shocked then amused by the design) . 

But hey! Surely they could it all laugh off - okay the  by-lines were made up but they seem harmless enough?  After all the story is about the person the person who is ACTUALLY famous not you... shouldn't you be happy that proximity makes you almost famous for a moment?

Well no: Not when you have to explain to your boyfriend/partner/husband that you are not cheating on them (photo says it's an intimate moment and it sure looks like it), and you have a huge row... not when your credibility at work is damaged because people didn't know that was your nephew (why should they know your entire family tree?) and you are forever marked as a cougar.... not when it encourages 'other celebrity watchers' to start following you around with cameras at the ready (after all you proposed to a celeb!).  Suddenly people you don't know are staring at you in public places... or worse deciding what they think of you because of what they've read. 

The damage done to people simply because they happen to be in the orbit of someone who has achieved fame is seldom talked of.  And there is real damage....your life is intruded upon.

Famous people  get loads of adoration because they do something or have something that the majority of people don't. And this makes them interesting. Sometimes this means that they get a shed load of financial reward too. But.... mainly it means that they are well known.  So yay them! 

BUT just like ANYBODY ELSE they still eat, pee, poo and daydream of something better.... and... they also have friends and family. 

Who are NOT famous.  They just know someone who is.   

And when they get loads of hassle without any of the perks just because of that...  it really sucks! 

The by-line is seldom real... but the person is. 

Do give that a thought the  next time you see the 'mystery person' in the next candid celebrity snap. 

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