“Each one of us is on a private adventure in this life. Cut those that hinder and replace with ones who help.” James Cee
You may have noticed that there has been no JaxWorld for a trio of weeks recently. It seems the subject matter of my last blog ruffled some feathers and a tactical withdrawal had to be arranged as cyberspace turned into a warzone. It’s all been a little high drama.
I’ve had to be a turtle and withdraw inside the shell and pray the hard bone plates will bounce all oncoming fire. It seems that the bombing has stopped - heads been out of the shell for a couple of days with no ill effect – so it’s back to business as usual at JaxWorld.
Indignant. A great word. Often misused. But what a great word. The correct meaning is: Feeling or showing annoyance at actions that are unjust or unworthy.
And with the spirit of the correct meaning of indignant... that was kind of where the JaxWorld turtle was at. Indignant. However, it’s an easy slide from there to self-pity and I so don’t do the why-me syndrome... pity-parties have never struck me as a useful employment. Instead I withdraw inside the shell and take care of my business while those on the offensive do their worst outside, and when they’re spent (petty-vengeance is a small fund... it ALWAYS runs out quickly) I come back out of the shell more organised than ever and it is onwards and upwards. But yeah... a little reside of indignant is on me... but hey ho! Dem’s the brakes and it’s good to know my writing gets to people (even if that was not quite the reaction I anticipated when I hit the keyboard!)
One of the curious things about being a published author is that readers are ever present...they even write to you. No this has made for pretty good reading inside the shell. You can always find a letter or two that match your mood, but recently I’ve had an awful lot of letters about cutting off people who hurt you. I guess because my central character in my novel does just that to survive - my readers feel I must perceive the significance of the situation; as I explain it in the book. I suppose they feel it makes sense to contact me.
(To be honest though it is not something I personally have EVER been moved to do - I do read a lot of novels and have never been possessed with the desire to write to any of the authors. Becoming an author for me was not really because I had something to say and wanted to get it out into the world. It was mainly because I could create a world and populate it with people of my own device. But it is fiction. It is not a real world. Imagination is a wonderful thing we all have. For me, as I am always hypothesising, writing down what I imagine is better than letting my ideas get muddled. I write to stay focused. However transferring your imagination to paper and then to print; it becomes alive. So when you’ve do something like that, you’ve brought others into that world... so I suppose writing to an author that entertained or struck a cord is natural for some of those ‘others’.)
However... back to the letters:
Given the time I’ve had recently, I’ve been thinking about my next move now that the guerrilla warfare has passed. Okay, I’ve been at the sticky end of actions that were unjust and quite frankly annoying (the issues were all in the head of the guerrillas) so what do I do now? My gut instinct is always to fight the battles worth fighting but never get sucked into the fights that you haven’t picked. So I turtle during those conflicts, then when the aggressor is spent...I carry on much as before (but maybe elsewhere).
I know that way of living isn’t always advocated in today’s world. Power and control gained by fighting seems be lionised in our culture: Currently there are 18 global conflicts that we (UK) are in and we haven’t picked one of those fights. But it strikes me that turtles live longer lives than lions and I prefer longevity to ferocity any day.
But then I opened a letter forwarded from my publisher and it read;
Hello
I’ve just finished That River In Egypt and realised that like Martina this is a dilemma I've had for some time now. Cutting ties with people is something that I've been thinking about for quite some time. They say it is like cutting out cancer and that there are some folk "you just don't need" because they bring "drama to your life." But even if cutting those folk out of your life may avoid "drama," and would make yourself happier, I'm not quite sure it's a good thing.
I mean, it be making *yourself* happier. Like, shouldn't we think of other folk before ourselves (or at least I try to)? And, with that being said, I just feel like giving up on folk is like, condemning them, I guess. I mean, I believe everyone has good in them, and cutting ties with them is like, I don't know how to say it...it's like giving up on them. In the book Martina doesn’t stay and work to make peace in any of the relationships – is this something you advocate?
Cutting ties with folk just seems so...senseless. I think it's unavoidable that sometimes people will clash. But are you saying they shouldn't be friends because they're different. I understand people who drift apart, but when you cut ties with people, isn't it a little irrational, a little spiteful? I mean people are just people, they can’t be like a disease you just cut out to survive?
I feel like I'm rambling on now, but the book got me I suppose.
Urgh...
Thoughts?
Thanks so much.
Andy
Ermmm.... see what I mean? One part of me wants to say ‘Hey Fella, I just made up a story, I’m not advocating anything one way or other’... and another bit says ‘ermmm interesting point of view there... lets debate...’.
So (this is what happens when you spend three weeks in your shell!).... I’m departing from the norm and going with option 2. So here goes...
Dear Andy
I get it that all people have good in them. I get it that no one thinks that they are the bad guy because of this. But you have to self edit with your life. You cannot allow someone to keep hurting you just because they are nice in other ways (and to other people).
I find it interesting that Cancer... that big scary death nell is actually perpetual life. Cancer is when cells forget to die. Normal cells multiply when the body needs them, and die when the body doesn't need them. Cancerous cells just keep on... and on...when they are not needed anymore... when all they do is hurt you.
Cutting ties? Yeah, I guess I think like cancer if you allow something that is doing you no good to continue it will consume you. I think like cancer, for your own survival you should cut it out.
Take for instance my recent trio of weeks.
Some people who are real nice in other ways (and to other people) were hell bent on destroying me. Nothing I could say. Nothing I could do. It is what it is.
So I withdrew.
Because it would only get worse. (In the words of one witness “When/How did it all get so nasty”... and at that stage it hadn’t even really got started yet). I stuck it through the ‘deconstruct my character’ phase, and did my best to overturn the unjust, untrue and unfair things said. I stuck it through the ‘paint me as a hindrance that puts that individuals at a disadvantage” phase and again tried to redress the balance by showing my worth. But I withdrew when the ‘make out that continued exposure to me will result in adverse or unwelcome circumstances for sure” phase. Because as the witness said it had all got so nasty... and I knew the perpetrators had not even got started yet. The ‘perps’ were real nice in other ways (and to other people), but they were hell bent on bring me down.
It was time to cut out the cancer.
Now there is a school of thought that says cutting things out is a surgery that is invasive and you can manage a cancer with alternatives to cutting it out: Choices of quality air, water, organic food, even juicing and coffee enemas are all major alterative considerations in reversing a cancer. But refusing to cut out folk that make you indignant means that you are living with the perpetual fear, stress, anxiety, and anger they generate in you. The effects of this on the immune system are real. The more the fear, the stress, the anxiety and the anger gets to you... the more immune system is destroyed. It has been proven that this promotes an increase of cancerous cells. Likewise the more you live with acts that make you indignant.. the more your immunity is destroyed...the more acts that will follow. It makes sense to me to cut out the cancer.
So no, I do not think cutting things/people out of your life is cowardice.
And no ... I didn’t write Martina as being irrational or spiteful.... I wrote her as someone who survives.
Thanks for taking the time to write to me.
Jax
So... there we go... turtle is back ... out her shell and wandering down the beach of life. Being a turtle in life isn’t so bad... by only fighting when necessary and by withdrawing from stuff that is never going to do you good in the long-term...you get to outlive just about all comers.
The turtle is STILL HERE, and the lion is all spent... and the turtle is STILL DOING what the turtle was doing before the lion roared.
Because you see...
Victory belongs only to those who are alive to claim it.
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