“I don’t know about lucky but bird poop in the mouth is ALWAYS a surprise” Craig Benzine
Last year I went to see the Kings Of Leon in Hyde Park. It remains on my top 10 best days ever. Not just because of the band, but because of the company I was in (Stelly you rock!) the weather that day (it was like the sky got the memo on how to do summer) the people we met (yes Lee Ryan... always a good idea to bring a GUITAR to someone else’s gig!) and the general randomness of the day. It was Awesome in the correct use of the word (not the overused American Version). If ever there was a band to see outdoors KOL are the band.
But the great outdoors carries some terrible risks, as bassist Jared Followill from the band found out some 2 months after the triumph that was Hyde Park. Three songs in, Jared cancelled the concert and the band left the stage. WHY? A pigeon poo’d on him. He had the full support of the band “We had to bail, pigeons sh*tting in Jared’s mouth and it was too unsanitary to continue.”
But not all celebrities find the excrement of birds a turn off.
A couple of years back I was covering a story involving Essex’s finest exports David and Victoria Beckham. I recall a bizarre conversation about skin care (poor Vikki has been battling acne since her teens) in which it was revealed that Geisha facials (which are made from a paste involving the poo of the nightingale) was working a treat for her. She was happily shelling out 200 dollars per session and was so happy that she could get it done in the USA as before the treatment was only available in Japan which added to the £100 just wasn’t viable....even for her. (Told you it was a bizarre conversation!)
Less extreme was my friend Jason who loves his car more than life itself. He rather foolhardily drove his car to Tower Bridge this week and left it for a few hours while he attended a reception. He said how amazing his car looked parked where it was... how it looked almost like a print ad. (I did tell you he LOVES his car). Of course (for my readers who do not know London too well) Tower Hill is very well known for a couple of things: its famous opening and closing bridge and it’s former royal palace known as a famous site for the odd beheading and home to the crown jewels. It is also known for the ravens of which it is said if they leave the Tower District the entire United Kingdom will fall. Thus the birds are protected and are each served up 170g of raw meat a day, plus bird biscuits soaked in blood. I think you can’t blame them for wanting to take a dump.
Anyhow...Jason returned to his car to find the special edition gunmetal paintwork rather thoroughly decorated with bird poop. I shall file under EPIC FAIL my attempts to calm his hysteria with information. I simply said that it is the sun rather than the bird poo itself that does the damage (when the sun hits the bird poo the poo hardens while at he same time the paint is expanding in the warmth, the damage happens when the paint contracts in cooler air)... I tried to tell him that seeing it was night he need only drive to the nearest car wash to remove it. But he preferred to do the shake fist at huge black birds in nearby tree/hop up and down angrily dance instead.
But then there are those who believe Bird Poo to be inspirational.
My friend Kasei got crapped all over on her way to her job as a junior account exec. It is amazing how accurate a pigeon can be considering how far away a human head must be from an avarian anus in flight. But SPLAT! Kasei got it straight on the shoulder of her black suit... just as she was going in to do a presentation to some rather humourless clients. So rather than clean it off (It would only smear and further damage that particular fabric)... she went in and said “Hello, check this out for lucky, I just got a bird to give this meeting its blessing!”. The clients laughed (a first in all the time they had dealt with her company) and not only increased their order but asked for Kasei to be their account manager. She puts that promotion entirely down to that bird being on target!
She’s not alone – The theme park Chessington World of Adventures has a very popular attraction called Lorikeet Lagoon where the public may feed parrots from small pots of nectar. Their publicity states “Feeding the birds inevitably means that there will be bird poo and there will be a number of ‘lucky people' with lorikeet poo on their heads”.
In fact western wisdom is that it SHOULD be considered a lucky omen when a bird defecates on you. Apparently following being the successful target of birds backside good things will find their way to you – I’d give that ‘luck’ a sense of direction by encouraging an immediate purchase of a Lotto ticket!
I’m all for good luck.
But you know what.... I think I’d rather a four leaf clover!
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