“Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.” Dave Barry American Humourist
My American friends insist on saying when they are over that they “are in
But I guess, like it or not our continental postcode is
Maybe because we live on this little island surrounded by water, but to us it’s easy to forget that to the rest of the world we are just a bit of
Certainly to my American visitors, European is what we are… we have some very different ways from what they are used to. For a start you’d never catch us talking to flags or curtsying to elected officials. Plus we do like a good moan about our country, and use our developed sense of irony at every possible opportunity. We don’t fear acknowledging our state, Gods, figureheads and culture sometimes gets things terribly wrong. We like to say so… and often… and don’t believe this makes us unpatriotic. We have a European attitude to community responsibility - conversely revelling in the upkeep of an aristocracy while grudgingly feeling a responsibility to keep the under classes out of the worst examples of poverty. We use our PAYE taxes to support a social and health system that is the envy of the world (though we moan about the inherent flaws and cost). We spend our cash at sporting and social events (and get giddy and gossipy when we catch sight of even a minor Royal at the same). My American visitors seem to think this is all they need to state that they ain’t in
Pah! Okay, I give them the fact that our continental postal address is
Now before I go much further I must state that I am pro European. I do wish the
I can’t speak for the other Kingdoms (
The English are said to be distinctive mainly for our observance of politeness, self-discipline and especially noted for our dry ironic sense of humour. I’d have to say I agree with that.
You’d pretty quickly know that you are in
In
We have extended the zone to 7 inches and it can only be entered by mutual agreement.
In
We only kiss people who are close friends and relatives. Instead, when you are first introduced to someone, shake their right hand with your own right hand.
In
We use it if someone is blocking your way and you would like them to move, say excuse me and they will shift out of your way.
In
We consider it very good manners to say "thank you". It is considered rude if you don't, so is said often. There are few nations that say 'thank you' as much as
In
We just like saying sorry (see note on Thank you) and say it all the time. IE: If you accidentally bump into someone, say 'sorry'. They probably will too, even if it was your fault! This is a habit and can be seen as very amusing by an 'outsider' but it’s our culture so please observe it.
In
We hold open the door for each other regardless of gender. It depends on who goes through the door first. (see note on queuing)
In
We’re particularly bad at remembering names and routinely refer to people as dear, dearie, flower, love, chick, chuck, me duck, me duckie, mate, guv, son, ma'am, madam, missus, sir, or treacle, according to your sex, age and location. (Personally I say Babycakes A LOT!)
In
We only allow this among close friends. (see note on personal space)
In
We still find it impolite for men to wear hats indoors especially in churches. BUT it is becoming more common to see men wearing hats indoors. However, this is still seen as being impolite, especially to the older generations.
In
We only do so when drunk (use public transport after 11pm for illustration)
In
We pay for drinks as you order them
In
We drive on the left side of the road
In
We think it is impolite to stare at anyone in public and take it as a challenge to bare knuckle fighting.
In
We considered impolite to ask any lady her age.
In
We like our privacy. It is impertinent to ask questions such as "How much money do you earn?" "How much do you weigh?" or "Why aren't you married?".
In
We are disgusted by this. If your nostrils need de-bugging, use a handkerchief.
In
We consider spitting in the street is considered to be very bad mannered.
In
Whilst we do also eat continental style we find it impolite speak with your mouth full of food and there is no occasion when eating off a knife when having a meal is acceptable.
In
We feel that if you can not stop a burp from bursting out, then cover your mouth with your hand and say 'excuse me' afterwards.
In
We go somewhere private and let it out. (And if you accidentally pass wind in 'polite company' you would never, ever draw attention to the incident by apologising. Basically the advice is say 'excuse me' for mouth burps, ignore bottom burps.)
Thing is if I were writing out my address like a child it would say
The World
But I’m not a child… and nor are my guests!
That said, how on earth could my guests have thought for one moment that by flying from
Like I said …. Breathless!
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Very funny post Jax. Well done (again)!
ReplyDeleteBUT I wish to point out that while I agree that standing in line, not talking personal, not being big on physical contact and hiding farts are very English attributes that makes you separate from your European neighbors TRUE.. but I can't see how that gives you something in common with us over the pond. LOL!!!