'If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.' Mark Twain
I have long said that the truth is the ONE version of any story told that doesn't change in the telling. You know why? Because when further details emerge they corroborate the story told, they are easy to contextualise because they actually happened. It's rather more difficult (some say impossible) a task to achieve with a lie.
Now I am not saying I don't lie. Of course I do... we all do. Sometimes not telling the truth is the right thing to do. BUT it is fair to say that once that lie leaves our lips we are vulnerable for the truth to get out.
Even a casual lie can catch us later, especially when we give an affirmative answer when the truth is we have no opinion at all.
I was at a bridal shop with a friend and I cannot recall how many dresses she had tried on. True, in a bridal shop you get a comfy sofa, refilled glasses of champagnes and a selection of nibbles while this excruciatingly long process takes place... but after a while one white dress is the same as another white dress and you start to feel your own lifeforce evaporate. So there's Ginny on the podium twirling in yet another confection of organza...or was it lace? And I had stopped caring. "So what do you think this one... or dress four?" she asks.I had no idea what dress four was. I didn't care much for the one she was in, now I came to look at it ,so I affirmed that dress four was the way to go. We left soon after, which was great because my butt cheeks were numb. Come the wedding day... Gah!. I didn't like the dress at all. I rationalised it didn't matter as she must have had plenty of fittings and got to make up her own mind that this was the one for her. But the dress was a conversation that came up often at the wedding and she kept on accrediting her choice to my input. Okay, she was happy with her dress - but I spent the entire wedding caught in my own lie, which was uncomfortable to say the least. But at least I guess no harm (to the bride) was done.
Not so the case when we are caught when we have a sick day from work -simply by the activity done without thinking on our social networks. .
I recall a my friend Cole very cleverly getting doctors note to corroborate his extended paid absence from work because of a particularly virulent man flu virus.His employers received the note, wished Cole a swift recovery but advised him he was under no pressure to return until he was 100% restored to full health. Which was totally acceptable until the girl he was out with one night tagged him in her 'morning after the night before' post on her micro blogging site. Then Cole instinctively replied thanking her for a great night. Micro-blogging is notoriously unsecure - anyone can read your posts, and employers in particular do like to keep an eye on the conduct of their employees on social media. Cole's employers were rather befuddled how it was that a man whose medical practitioner felt was unfit to leave the house for 21 days was able to party-hardy on day 17 of his recovery period and yet not feel well enough to return to work..After due consideration of this befuddlement, and Cole's daring second doctors note - they felt it best that he extend his time away from their company permanently.
Sometimes we are unaware of the trail the truth leaves behind us when we are living lies.
A friend of mine was moving up north following the breakdown of her marriage. Her husband of five years had told her he recently had a brief fling with a female colleague who had become pregnant so he had to do the honourable thing. (Though to be honest I always thought the honourable thing would have been to stick to his pre-exisiting marriage vows - but I digress). Anyway, there is Amy heartbroken, marriage over and solicitors telling her that her only choice is to buy Richard out of the marital home or let him buy her out or to sell it and split the profit and start again. So she does the latter and because she couldn't bear the thought of ever running into Richard again (London can be a very small town when it wants to be)... moves back to her home town of Lincoln. So there is Amy, packing up the house that she and Richard bought back in 2009... and uncovers a whole lot of further details that had melted into the recesses of the home during day to day living. Turns out Richard's brief fling with his female colleague had a paper trail of forgotten receipts and souvenirs dating back to the first year of his marriage to Amy... not only had Richard lied, their entire marriage was a lie.
And that’s the wonderful thing about the truth.
It is always out there waiting to be discovered.
Discovery of the truth is as empowering as it can be disabling. It depends who finds it.
It was pretty disabling when I found out that Dress Four was not something I would ever endorse - but I just had to live with that as hurting Ginny with the truth was not an option. Which of course spawned more lies. That casual lie came back and bit me hard.
I think Cole's employers found it rather empowering to terminate his employment after he lied about his fitness to work. I have noted that Cole is less cavalier about micro-blogging sites and is almost undetectable on other social networks now, so maybe he feels empowered too!
As for Amy - it was disabling to know that four out of five years of your marriage were lies, but I do hope that the increased divorce settlement in the light of the discovery of the truth is empowering for her as she embraces her new life in Lincoln..
But in general - I reckon the teller of lies HAS TO feel disabled by the experience. It has got to be nerve wracking wondering if you have got away with it. Sometimes you just will never know if someone has discovered the truth but chose not to tell... but
They.
Know.
What a horrible way to live... always waiting for that other shoe to drop.
To be honest there is only one item to put on today's JaxWorld List:
- Tell the truth (it's easier)
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