BLOG 254 - Fence Sitting

“The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.” 

Pauline Phillips Aka author of the Dear Abby column/radio show

Pauline Phillips is not a name that most people utter when they talk of mantras for living but maybe they should for she was a wise wise woman. 

Pauline wrote under the pen name Abigail Van Buren and her advice columns were published in era when newspaper readers valued straight talking advice on just about anything. She wrote the syndicated columns for almost 50 years and died in March this year, 13 years after her retirement. One of her key pieces of advice always resonated with me… that the best way to judge someone is by their actions where there is no benefit to them and also their behaviour towards the helpless.

I think it resonated most because of my upbringing. I think when you grow up a child of an émigré you have a stage right position to the inner workings of the character with outwardly acceptable people. And being treated well when I could do my benefactors no good or when I was vulnerable was somewhat a bit of an alien concept most of the time.

My Dad taught me the progress of destiny – that destiny is something we all make ourselves and the very last stage before destiny is character. I quote:

“Our thoughts become our words.

 Our words become our actions.

 Our actions become our habits

 Our habits become our character

…and our character becomes our destiny.”

And that’s the thing… those thoughts that spill from our mouths and fuel our actions…. Are they creating the right destiny for us?

Yesterday I had the occasion to have a front row seat to a colleague’s character.

She had the opportunity to just do the right thing.

I watched her process it. In the end she sat on a fence – deferring the choice that was hers to make.

It made me think. We all like to think that we would instinctively do the right thing but do we?

Do we do the right thing when it is really hard?

Or when it is not convenient?

Or when no one is looking?

Or do we just do the right thing because we really have to?

If my Dad was asked he’d say we do the right thing because that is who we are.

IF Dear Abbey was still alive… she’d say what she always said:

We do the right thing…. Because it is right.

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