JAX WORLD: BLOG 247- Bank Holiday obsession

“Earlier on today, apparently, a woman rang the BBC and said she heard there was a hurricane on the way... well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't!” Michael Fish.

[That evening, the worst storm to hit South East England since 1703 caused record damage and killed 18 people.]

Ah sweet Bank Holiday Season.

Of all the traditions associated with the United Kingdom and it’s commonwealth this is pretty close to the top of the list of things we all hold dearest.

Back in 1871 the banks decided they would have enshrined in law four days off, because… after all they had the money and why bloody not… so The Bank Holidays Act of 1871 was passed. Actually before this we all routinely had 33 saint days and religious festivals off work… but these were getting chipped away so a banker called Sir John Lubbock said enuf! And held onto four and got a bit of legal back up… before all holidays disappeared forever!

These days we (in England and Wales) get 8, Scotland get 9, and Northern Ireland gets 10. Although there is no automatic right to these days as days off work – banks are always shut and the vast majority of the working populace are shackle free or are tempted to stay at work for extra pay. Those unlucky enough to work for meany organisations that do not recognise bank holidays get nowt so have to go to work anyway –but that’s not the point. Once we enter a bank holiday run up one thing will absolutely always happen regardless of your employers view on the status of bank holidays:

We will all leap upon the subject of weather with gusto.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… the Brits live in permanent fear of one thing… embarrassment. Having studied our cousins over the pond over the last couple of centuries we have learned that the only way to achieve a life without embarrassment is to conduct conversations that are safe and impersonal.

Conversely the Brit’s live in permanent fear of being judged unfriendly by total strangers (nothing matters more to a Brit than the opinion of someone that they don’t know). But what a dilemma: how the hell can you be friendly to a total an utter stranger AND be safe and impersonal? Dilemma solved: Tell me one thing safer and more impersonal than the weather?!

And so it comes to pass that on the run up to a bank holiday in Blighty , I can assure you WILL find a stranger smiling at you while shrugging towards the sky and uttering the words “huh? Do you think it’ll last over the bank holiday?”

By this morning (May Day Bank Holiday), I calculated I have been asked for a prediction of the activities of the sun, the clouds and other factors a total of 32 times by complete and utter strangers, 13 times by acquaintances and 12 times by friends and family.

Yup I, author of a novel, editor of a pan-european magazine, blogger and general wordsmith have spoken exclusively about the weather in a total of FIFTY SEVEN conversations in less than a week.

So to make sure that I have not wasted my life, I thought I should at least publish my findings from these interactions.

Regular JaxWorld Blog readers know the drill by now…. Here comes: THE LIST

1. Men are wildly optimistic about the weather.

Everyone knows that this little island has about 150+ days of rain… however men think not. There is no scientific reason why men will believe that sunshine will happen however at the first sign of a conversation about the met office a man will mention the Hurricane of 1987 as evidence weather predictions cannot be trusted. Thus your average Brit male will not even own an umbrella, and will always put on three quarter length trousers and sandals at the first sign of the clouds shifting enough for a patch of blue.

2. Women check the weather on every medium known to man

Everyone knows that the met office stuff things up. It is sensible to cross reference their predictions with other sources. Unfortunately a lot of women read the Daily Mail and Daily Express who are continually wrong on all weather predictions [We did not freeze and 60,00 did not die]. Maybe this is why women are more likely to carry an umbrella despite wearing strappy dresses and open toed sandals in spring.

3. As a Nation we do all seem to know the statements and questions

"Lovely day today - do you think it'll last till Monday?" "Breezy ain't it - do you think it'll turn on us?" "Oooh there is a chill in the air - hope that 's not a sign, what do you think?" "Best not be tipping it down on Monday we're having a BBQ!" "Blowing a gale last week but they do say it'll be hot for the bank holiday" "Do you think it'll last?" "Any idea what the weather will be like for Monday?" Without fail the same questions and statements come from different sources... is someone handing out a script?

4. The weather is routinely given human attributes

Despite being home to some of the best scientific minds on the blue planet... everyone talks about the weather as if it is a sulky toddler about to have a tantrum. " Ahhh... it's trying it's best but I don't think it'll hold out till tea time" "Shoosh! Don't mention the sun, it's been so good up to now, best not draw attention to it" [What is that?!!! The weather doesn't decide what to do...it just DOES!]

5. No one does a brave face like the Brits

We are woefully under prepared for any climatic change (which seems daft in the light of how much of the nations time is taken up with discussing weather). The only thing guaranteed about Bank holiday weather is that it'll be either too hot, too cold, too wet or too dry. But we will always find an upbeat (though strangely garden based reason) to grin an bear it. Too hot and our tomatoes will be happy. Too wet and the garden will be ecstatic. Too cold and we can always tidy the shed instead. The only exception is too dry. First sign of a hosepipe ban and your normally law abiding Brit will begin covert operations. (Yep... 2am and the whole nation are watering lawns whilst wearing dressing gowns and slippers).

Thing is we Brits love our bank holidays. The fact they usually fall on a Monday and lengthen our weekends delights us. On some level we are aware that other countries do get more state holiday than us... but we kind of shrug that off with the indifference we usually have for anything that is not of this island or its commonwealth. It's not that we are unaware, its just that we genuinely don't care. We have more important things to think about...like what is likely to happen in the sky above our dominion.

As it turned out today - May Day Bank Holiday was a gloriously sunny day. Brits basked in what turned out to be the hottest day of 2013 so far prompting thousands to flock to the coast, many more to attend festivals and even more to fire up the barbie. One extra day on the weekend and we become much more social... and outdoorsy! It's a pity we don't have more days like that. Though to be fair, we do get given extra ones if the Queen or her brood do something huge (have an anniversary or get married).

But take its from JaxWorld... we're unlikely to get any more bank holidays because despite the fact employers have no legal obligation to give us the day off... most do. And this means each one of those lovely bolt-on to the weekend days costs us as a nation about £2.3bn in lost productivity - and believe it or not....that's not including how much time we waste on the lead up to each of them yapping about the weather!