BLOG 189: Four Horses

"These ruddy four horses have been on standby longer than cheapskates looking for the 99p Ryanair seats... we may have to face it... they ain't coming!" Jax - Jaxworld Blog

Last night, a friend and I were having the most bizzare conversation in which he was actually NOT looking forward to the Bongs at midnight as he was most concerned that "This was the year that the world would end".

When I stopped laughing and wiped away the tears of mirth, I realised that the buffoon was actually serious. Thus... as I always do should something this daft come up in conversation, I pointed out the folly of sooth-saying... that is that he who involves himself with predictions of the future instead of living in the present and observing the lessons of the past is a complete and utter idiot and therefore MUST buy all future rounds.

I am now into the afternoon of the following day and (tapdancing elephants in my head aside)... I decided to put together a little guide to "The Year The World Will End". Because... as someone who does not focus on future, I find that observing the past always helps ensure that making a total eejit of yourself in the present is less of a regular activity.

So... readers of Jaxworld. For my first blog of 2012... I give you... a selection of dates the four horses of the apocalypse were due to turn up:

The end of the world dates	Who said so ....and why
2800BC	Assyrians. They found a stone with end of the world written on it. (Words on a stone? Really?...no wonder their empire went kaput!)
634 BC	Romans. 12 eagles had a chat with Romulus. (Put down the pipe Romulus that was not a vision... you were STONED)
66-70 AD	Jewish sect called the Essenes. Reckoned if they could beat the Romans then the world would end (Not the best home support the Jewish revolt were getting) The Essenes aren’t much heard of these days as a consequence.
365 AD	The French. Well to be more precise Hilary of Poitiers... after it didn’t happen the word ‘Potty’ entered the language as an description of people who make wild claims.
500 AD	Just about every educated person. They all predicated this to be the date of the second coming and the end of life as we know it.
Jan 1st 1000	Pope Sylvester II. He was absolutely sure on this one. Tad embarrassed to still be about 3 years later so he popped his own clogs.
1284	Pope Innocent III. He liked this number as it was 666 yrs after Islam started. He was wrong but as he knew he would not live to see the date didn’t really care.
1346-51 (every day really)	Most of Europe. To be fair the Plague was sweeping across the continent at the time.. so it probably felt like it.
Feb 1st 1524	European Astrologers .Pretty much all reckoned a flood would start the prior June and the world would drown by Feb 1st. Then nothing happened they kept moving the date till on 27 May 1528 they admitted... it hadn’t happened yet... and probably wouldn't.
1600	Martin Luther. The German preacher was pretty sure that it would happen that year. (it was becoming a fashion to pick a date after your own life span... he died in 1547 just so no one could say he was wrong)
1700	John Napier. This famed mathematician worked it out scientifically to be 1688. As these dates were after his lifetime he also reckoned 1700 would be the date if 1688 didn't work out. People began to see he was just guessing!
1792	The Shakers. Of course when this didn’t happen they went back to designing awesome New England furniture, which proved a more lasting legacy.
1806	The prophet hen of Leeds. This is why southerners will laugh at northerners till the end of time. A hen laid eggs with dates on it. “end of the world” they cried all over the north. Until someone ran an egg under the tap and found the date to be ink.
March 21 or October 22 1844	William Miller was sure about the 1st date. It didn’t happen so he got everyone whooped up for the send date. Which went down in history as The Great Disappointment which is more famous than he is.
1874	Seventh Day Adventists. Now this religion were pretty certain. Then it didn’t happen, but they are still going strong believing it did to this very day.
1892	The Mormons. Following in the wake of the Seventh Day Adventists, the Mormon leader Joseph Smith was adamant it would happen 1890-1891. His followers are still going strong and gave us he Osmond’s to prove it.
1910	Camille Flammarion... got the bit about Halley’s comet right but stuffed up on the all life on earth ceasing part... happily.
1915	Baptists. Ah... the normally level headed if a bit happy clappy part of the Christian faith figured this would be a good a date as any for the second coming. After that they left predictions to the more nutty divisions and consentrated on keeping Britanny Spears in line.
Feb 13 1925	Seventh Day Adventists. After a bad valentines day for Margaret Rowen in 1924, she reckoned the world would end before the next one. (A woman scorned me thinks?)
1941	Jehovah Witnesses had this down as The Big One. They wandered about in sandwich boards handing out leaflets and knocking on peoples doors to warn them. No change there then.
21 December 1954	Brotherhood of the 7 rays. They brought back the flood theory to global acclaim. When it didn’t happen they spent the next 2 years putting together a book called “When Prophecy Fails” and gained a best seller.
Feb 4 1962	Science based psychics. Planetary alignments convinced most psychics that this would be the day.
October 1962	Cuban Missile Crisis. The entire world watched in horror as President Kennedy sat with his finger over ‘The Button’ saying he would press it if the missiles were not removed. Russia dare him to do it as hey were not gonna be blackmailed with Armageddon. Millions went to bed drunk having blown their life savings only to wake up to discover the Russians had backed down after all.
March 10 1982	Global Astronomers. The Jupiter effect was agreed by scientists to cause combined gravitational pressure and end crush our little planet. Red face day for scientists when Jupiter did not cause any such mayhem.
1984	Global English speaking community. Spurred on by the George Orwell book of the same name, it was widely believed that this would be the big one. Jehovah’s Witnesses added to the panic by claiming Oct 2nd was definitely it. (it wasn’t!)
April 23 1990	Americans. Mass stockpiling of supplies and weapons broke out after a prophet had predicted nuclear war would start on that day. Later, examinations of the prophecy proved to be the work of a sufferer of Alzheimer’s disease.
1999	Nostradamus. This was the big one. Most people actually believed that a French bloke (Michel de Nostredame) knew what he was talking about. He didn’t.
2000	Just about everybody. In 1294 a theologian called Peter Olivi wrote that the last judgment would happen then, loads of other religious people agreed over the years. BUT it all got taken rather seriously when scientist Sir Issac Newton (of gravity fame) said yep... looks pretty sound to me... planetary line up looks like everything is going into the sun that year.( well everything did end up in the sun that year (the newspaper of the same name) – so not bad Sir Issac not bad)
Oct 21 2011	Stargazers predicted that Comet Elenin travelling almost directly between Earth and the Sun would cause disturbances to the Earth's crust, causing massive earthquakes and tidal waves and the Earth would implode as a consequence. Okay a few things did happen but the end of the world... not so much.
2012	Pope Gregory. I doubt if he meant to cause such panic when he re-hauled the calendar back in 1582 , but he ran out of paper at Dec 2012. Ever since... people have believed that Jan 1st 2013 is NOT gonna happen.
Jan 1st 2013	Well............ are we still here? LOL

So there we have it. The Jaxworl Blog ansa to the 2012 end of the world theory.

We have 364.5 days left to prove just how wrong I am!

I have a feeling that I will be seeing you on the other side. ;)

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