“Xmas ads are the great lie at the heart of British culture, heralding the annual ritual of expensive titillation, futile fix, followed by months of debt and regret.” Stuart Jefferies
It’s odd for anyone who is not British to understand this... but Christmas doesn’t begin for us with remembering Mary and Joseph’s journey to register for tax, it does not begin with this years micro-celebrity turning on the Regent Street lights, it does not begin with the X-factor/Strictly ratings war. No... the run up to Christmas in the UK is marked by the BIG (and I mean BIG) Christmas Advert.
Now to my readers who do not live in the UK, this uniquely British phenomena, this is one more example of how nutso we are on this little island, but hey(!) We invented the television and we are a nation of shop-keepers, so it is only right and proper that at the end of the year these two elements come together and that we as a nation are transfixed.
When I was a child Christmas was not coming until the commercial break in Coronations Street was entirely taken up by Woolworths. “Have a cracking Christmas... at Woolworths” some lowly paid backing singer would warble. Then a slew of Woolworth merchandise would be lovingly stroked by a parade of frenetic dancers who would (now here was the exciting bit) be interspersed with celebrities of the day. The Woolworth Christmas advert was a master stroke of TV, all singing all dancing – they were like a mini-cabaret... and the nation was obsessed with them.
“Oh isn’t that Anita Harris and them two from the Goodies inviting us to ‘have a cracker of a Christmas shopping spree’!” “Oooo isn’t that Kid Jensen over by the record counter?” “I swear that is Dave Lee Travis behind that trombone.” And of course the big one screeched across every home in the land : “ Look Look Look! It’s Bruce Forsyth!!!”
Yes my family (like every family of the time) would spend the next six weeks of the run up to the celebration of the birth of our Lord, shouting out the names of celebrities as they appeared. To us like every family in the land celebrities singing and dancing and suggestively stroking a bottle of old spice meant Yuletide was a-coming.
Decades later the BIG Christmas advertisement from the BIG stores still means it is THAT time of year again folks.
Although mince pies and tinsel have slowly been filling the racks of our high street stores since August, I never felt that Chrimbo was upon me this year until I found myself in floods of tears watching the John Lewis advertisement.
This master stroke of manipulative viewing is set to one of 1980’s anti-establishment band The Smiths songs ‘Please, Please Please’ turned into a winsome classic by the sweet tones of Slow Moving Millie . It features a 7 year old boy wishing time away as he waits for Christmas. Greedy little sod we all think until the pack shot reveals he was just waiting to give the present he has been hiding all year in his room to his parents. Awwww... the message of Christmas IS still alive... it IS far better to give than receive. And the big plump tears rolled down my face as the spirit of season also flooded me.
Mind you not all the BIG stores are pumping out that message... Littlewoods have their huge Xmas advert set in a school Christmas concert where the kids sing out what great gifts their mother is buying from thus named company. (Message: Kids expect high quality brand name stuff or you are a failed parent)
High street chemist Boots (one time winner of Xmas ad of the year with their now legendary Christmas office party ad) have chosen for Christmas 2011 to show us a crack squad of women (think Charlie Angels) providing all the Xmas treats and pressies without any assistance from a male of the species. (Message: No this isn’t liberation – this is the sad reality... doing Xmas is a job for the girls).
Meanwhile supermarket Waitrose has gone all Harry Potter on us with Hogwartesque Academy of Christmas Food Magic being run by chefs Delia Smith and Heston Blumenthal. (Message: you can still say you made it yourself as it’s not ALL pre-made) One expects low budget from chav favourite Iceland, who have Xfactor 3rd place a few years back Stacy Solomon ‘Driving Home for Christmas ‘to plates of easily defrosted food (Message: no one cares if you made it yourself, it’ll be ready in 2.5 minutes in the microwave)
Sainsbury’s clearly still in the gloom from losing £millions so it really shows their heart was not in it when they made their Xmas mega ad. They have a bizarre but suitably gloomy advertisement with chef Jamie Oliver doing traditional dinner served to traditional panto characters. (Message: Oh no we didn’t... oh yes we did) But the biggest shock of the season being Marks and Spencer going decidedly low rent by having the no talent line up of this years Xfactor appearing in their big budget, overly long Christmas production. (Message: ?????)
My heart though (like many others) must go out to Freddy Flintoff. If you happened upon Kingston-upon Thames during the final days of summer you may have seen Freddy filming his debut Morrison’s Christmas extravaganza. Trying to present the supermarket as some kind of German outdoor Christmas market, Freddy got to dance through the streets of Kingston, in a blizzard of fake snow, testing food as he went. (It is a sad thing when a Cricket career ends earlier than expected – but our Freddy has to pay the rent somehow!). In the broadcast version though, it really does look like winter and the final pack shot has our Freddy on a Christmas feris wheel rising high above the town as a choir of angelic kids sing a Take That classic and the church bells ring. Freddy is such a man of the people he even finds time to chat to an elderly gentleman on the seat beneath his on the Feris Wheel of Christmas Well Done.
I saw that advert while I was round my parents house, and I must say, it took me right back to those early days of the Woollies chrimbo special.
As the gentleman turned to speak to Freddy and his face was revealed to camera ... my mother shrieked:
“Look, Look Look!! It’s Bruce Forsyth!!!”
That made it OFFICIAL... it must be that time of year again then!
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