“I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”
Jean Kerr author and playwright
Of all the virtues the most maligned is beauty. Maybe because it is not something one can attain by hard effort or cunning, those who were not so blessed label it as trivial. There is a con we have all entered into in which we claim the possession of beauty is not something we should value or base judgements upon.
It is often said that it is wonderful when someone has no idea how beautiful they are. It is often said that it is unbearably vain of someone to actually be aware of and value, neigh even trade upon their beauty
Thus, those who are beautiful usually have no training on how to handle such a blessing…or curse.
It seems odd to me that we would never allow someone out into the world with a million pounds sterling, clueless of its value. And yet we routinely send people into society with no idea of the currency of exterior beauty.
The world is very different place for the beautiful. There are things that happen to them that do not happen to those less aesthetically provided for.
I have no experience of being a man so I shall look at the experience of a female from say… school into the workplace with maybe a stop at matrimony on the way.
The first thing a beautiful girl should learn is that she will have an uphill struggle to ever find true friends. Those who fall into the category of the norm tend not to wish to seem needy and do not approach the beauties for friendship – also the assumption is made that any one who looks that good would not welcome such an approach.
Outside of the world of American high school movies, beautiful girls do not tend to gravitate towards each other as the curse of being exceptional means that they are quite socially inept. Not falling into the category of what is deemed normal, and drilled from an early age that to make anything of their beauty is to commit the sin of vanity – a beautiful girl tends not to know how to put herself forward. So the wait for an approach… which of course never comes.
Which leaves the beauty vulnerable to being befriended by those at the other end of the scale. This is less a of case of opposites attracting but a case of the stench of loneliness wafting over the plains to the hungry wolf. The wolf in this case being the plain jane. Plainer girls like to latch on to a beautiful girl so they may bask (and benefit) from the association. Look around you, how many beautiful girls are accompanied by the unattractive mate? It’s a dynamic that is seldom mentioned – and yet completely statistically viable.
Should the beauty survive puberty – and let’s face facts, many a beautiful child does not morph into a beautiful adult – the mating game holds even more unusual circumstance.
Beautiful women do not get asked out.
I know … I know it seems hard to believe but the statistics do not lie. Men truly believe that beautiful women are unapproachable. They readily assume she must have plenty of dates already and is not available - which explains the statistic in reality beautiful women have many less dates than average women.
Many of my male friends say that they had never in their lives even approached a beautiful girl. When I asked why, this was the top 4 reasons they gave.
1.) She's hot... she must be taken
2.) She can obviously get anyone she wants... why would she want me/ I can’t afford a high maintenance girlfriend
3.) She must spend hours on her looks, she is probably pretty vain.
4.) She probably has tons of men hitting on her all the time
Of course less ‘in field’ action replicates the syndrome started at school making her more socially inept than the average or plainer woman when it comes to dealing with men. So after a childhood being manipulated by the plain jane’s, she enters a dating life with the jerks.
The only men who do not run the top four excuses then look away – are the jerks. Now then jerks are a special breed, they come in three varieties:
1.)Guys are physically compatible who want a beautiful woman to have sex with.
2.)Guys are nothing like physically compatible that wish they could have a beautiful woman to have sex with.
3.)Guys with low self-esteem that want to be seen talking to a beautiful woman that they have no chance of having sex with.
For the jerk a beautiful woman is just a commodity. It’s all about him, and sex or the appearance of it.
Should you visit any matrimonial website, you will see that the vast majority of the single women on it will be exceptionally fair of face. And no this is not something that can be solely attributed to the use of photoshop!
If you walk down any high street in
How does the old song go…?
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your life
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you”
Men equate beauty with shallowness. They believe when looking for a life partner that they should stay within the realms of the norm or go lower. They believe a beautiful woman would be less able to provide for herself than a plainer woman and therefore more likely to use her looks to separate the man from his wealth. There is a strong belief from men than beautiful women would use men for money; once the money is gone they are gone.
I asked a male friend of mine why it was he married such a plain girl
“Beautiful women have tons of people to choose from so why would they really want to devote their entire life to someone that is "just so sweet and kind" but not well off financially... it’s obvious that they will just look for someone who had all of that cause how many times have you seen a beautiful woman get out of a beat up car or have cheap belongings? I’d rather keep it real with a normal girl – at least I know she isn’t going to be getting lots of tempting offers to leave me all the time”.
While normal nora and plain jane are dating with a view to settling down, the beauty is having less dates than both combined… and with guys for whom she would never a permanent option. Needless to say by the time she gets of this particular meri-go-round either all the good men are gone, or she’s so old her looks have begun to fade (though she may just catch a break if one of the good men becomes a widower!)
Still at least she can smile one place her beauty will aid her is in the workplace. Although it is harder for a beautiful person to be taken seriously for anything other than exterior packaging, should a beauty gain employment she should be very happy with her pay cheque. Less genetically-blessed colleagues do earn significantly less, due to the fact that looks are the first thing that an employer calls to mind when reviewing performance. If there are positive associations with t eh image brought to mind, an employer is less likely to notice factors such as competencies, interpersonal skills or lack of them. Latest statistics show that is an average looking woman earned £30,000, her beautiful colleague doing the same job would earn £32,000, whilst their plain colleague at the same level would earn £26,400. That’s a variable of over five and a half grand!
Fact is that the beautiful and the average and the plain do live very different existences. But to the beautiful we say only to not make a big deal about it, that it is truly only the contents of ones soul that is worth concentrating on. But there IS a difference - the arrangement of ones exterior features and form can have a dramatic effect of how the world will allow life to be lived.
Why do we demand the beautiful have to pretend that they have no idea that they are? Why are we so afraid to instruct the beautiful on the real value and pitfalls of what they have got? Why is it wrong for them to acknowledge that they are different, own it and deal with it?
It just seems daft to me that we allow these people to enter the fray equipped with nothing more than false modesty. Do they not have to be advised on how to deal with what (quite obviously) are a unique set of circumstances that are particular to their existence?
It’s not vanity to know you are tall. It’s not vanity to acknowledge will make people react to you in ways quite different to how they would react to someone of average or less height. It’s not vanity to instruct a tall person what to expect as a consequence of this exterior feature genetics threw them. It is not vanity to inform a tall person how to work with any advantage/disadvantage of this genetic curve ball.
And yet we can’t acknowledge beauty in this way. We can’t equip those who have it with any other advice than “Beauty is only skin-deep”
Clearly beauty is something we DO value highly and judge harshly – and yet it is the one thing we do not allow any one who has got it to admit ownership off. If a beautiful person even looks like they are about to own their beauty we immediately start accusing them of vanity.
Sometimes I just wonder… are we making the beautiful feel that they are guilty of vanity simply because we just don’t want to play fair?
JaxWorld has been nominated for ‘Best Blog about Stuff’ in the Bloggers Choice Awards. If you enjoy this blog please vote for it using the following link:
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she is looking pretty, I don't think she have to spent lot of time for be a beauty. she got natural beauty. thanks for sharing our thoguht and knowledge with us.
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