JAX WORLD: BLOG 272 - RAD - business martial arts

"Charlie Mackenzie: You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called Fuck You. It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground." from the movie: So I married an Axe Murderer (1993)

The business world has its own martial arts. It's called RAD. It happens to the staff when they least expect it and always after they have done something major in their personal lives like buy a house, impregnate the wife or paid a non returnable deposit on something which will suddenly seem remarkably frivolous. In fact when this martial art creeps up on you it knocks you a bit senseless... but funny enough it always has the same modus operati so one would think one recognise it coming every time! And yet RAD is the sneakiest martial art ever!!!

Here's the composite of the four times this has happened to me:.

Mandatory meeting... the speech - Words to the effect of:

"I want you all to know that I did everything I could to keep this from happening - especially with the upcoming [insert holiday period they LOVE doing this when there is a holiday period due]... All options have been exhausted, and the simple fact is that I have no choices left"

Then we move into the "this hurts me and my £50k bonus much more that it hurts you" part. It always helps at this point if they choke back a little emotion or tear up slightly:

"I need you to appreciate that there is no one on Gods Green Earth who fought more to prevent this outcome than I and you MUST know that I want this even less than you do - I know how difficult this is for each one of you and I sincerely hope you know how hard it is for me too"

Then comes to sweetener. Now redundancies come in all shapes, sizes and guises but there is always the fear on the part of management that just one disenchanted former hard grafting employee may just torch the dump on the way out. Whether you leave at the end of the speech, or enter a consultation period or worse... employers know their hold over your continued professionalism is their promise of continual employment... thus with that arrangement gone seemingly forever, comes the requirement of sweeteners on Redundancy Announcement Day.(RAD)

"Now I know this may come as a very unpleasant shock to many of you, so if you would like to: take the rest of the afternoon off - you'll still be paid for the full working day/go to the pub - the first round of drinks are on me!"

It's always the same... the corporate lack of sincerity, (the fact that finer points of your doom has had to have been negotiated at least 12 weeks before the announcement is always hidden in these things), however it is usually clear that the announcers life continues pretty much unscathed. And yet empathy is required form you regarding the fact that this year he will only get £50k of his proposed £75K bonus so will NOT- repeat NOT - be able to by the brand new Audi R8 after all (as he is down £25K).... sad face... boo fucking hoo!

I've been through this corporate masquerade four times... and honestly... all that changes are the faces of the players giving the speech cause the same old same old goes through the head of those afflicted by RAD:

a) How the fuck do I pay for a roof over my head (my kids heads) NOW??!!!

b) If you fuckers told me this 12 weeks ago I would have made a whole heap of other choices.

When that subsides then the redundant think in unison the following:

What is on my immediate horizon?

Why am I being punished?

What have I done to infuriate the Deity that I clearly do not worship any where near enough!

And then it begins...the grim reality of just getting on with it.

The polishing up the ruddy CV you hoped you would never have to touch again.

The making sure you know your rights (and rapidly discovering that when you were smug and employed you may have voted practically all of those away!).

The signing on for NI contributions …. oh yes matey... cause even when economic conditions are normal, a manager or professional can expect their job search to take between three and six months. In the current economic environment, it might take a lot longer. (So if you don't want a sizable gap developing in your NI record, which could affect your pension or your rights to benefits later on you have to hoof down to the same job centre you sneered at but a few weeks ago!)

The making a budget to live on your redundancy pay out... which never gets topped up and only goes down and down as weeks pass by. (That's if you even get a payout)

The setting the weekly schedule of job searching. Because with work no longer ordering your days you are gonna need a structure to stay motivated and keep up your self-esteem. That doesn't mean you need to search for jobs 9-5 – that would quickly wear you down. - but you are gonna make job searching your career until you get another one.

But one thing is for sure after RAD... You are likely to be feeling loads of emotions but the most common three will be anger, sadness and hopelessness. Losing your job in this unexpected manor is designed to be traumatic (RAD is always a staged surprise ...hence why it is a martial art) - it will have an affect upon you and make you very emotionally vulnerable.

So here are my top tips to avoid sinking into depression:

a) DO NOT BE ASHAMED - this wasn't your fault... your company stuffed up and failed YOU not the other way around. Tell people, cancel the holiday, explain to the kids.... this is NOT your fault so stop feeling like YOU have failed.

b) SORT YOUR FINANCES - honestly get pen to paper and work it all out... don't live on hope and wild optimism. Once you know what you need to survive it becomes so much easier to cope, the panic literally melts away.

c) VOLUNTEER - redundancy is a great time to reinvent yourself. But if you feel it may be cheeky to charge someone fo your services in an unproven area - offer your skills and time free of charge to a company in order to hone them. It's a win win - the company gets free man power and you get experience to add to your CV!

d)NETWORK - the hidden job market is where all the secure jobs are. Check out Stephen Conway's fab DVD that completely tools you up for this! (Mr Conway a recruiter for some of the world’s leading brands including Gillette, Colgate Palmolive, Kellogg’s, Procter & Gamble, Coca Cola, Microsoft, AT & T, Cable & Wireless, Disney, and Nokia - he REALLY knows his stuff). Google him!

Look …. the days when being an employee meant that you could always know you could put dinner on the table are so behind us. I don't imagine they will ever be making a return either. We will all face the RAD sooner or later before we finally get to retire.

BUT this uncertainty does not have to drag us down... I've survived 3 and am well on my way to triumphing over my 4th. I should imagine that there will be a few more before I hang up my writer for hire hat!

So... enough with the brooding about the inevitable dark days ahead just because I have been made redundant for the fourth time. It really isn't such an insurmountable issue after all. It's just another RAD attack... and seriously...I above all people know that all things always come to an end.

Lord knows I have harder and more seemingly insurmountable things to overcome. This guys... well it's just another round of business martial arts!

And so, in the inimatable words of 'Parky'… no not Michael Parkinson the famous interviewer... I mean Parky... the guy who looks after the hire boats on Greenwich Pond:

"Come on No. 4..... Your TIME IS UP!"