BLOG 209: Oh CRAP!

“... like the rest of us, (he relied upon first) impressions which saved him the trouble of distinct truths.” George Eliot

George... what a gal! When it comes to cutting to the chase George Eliot got there quicker than most.  We all know the power of a first impression, we all try to give the best one we can... but are we painting a picture of ourselves that is not exactly true?

Change is a great thing, who wants to be stuck in a rut being a version of you that really isn’t what you want to be. Luckily the way humans are wired is very accommodating of this fact and we all carry many versions of ourselves in our psyche. Change quite often means ditching the people from your current existence. Thus, given the opportunity to appeal to a new audience its tempting for us bi-peds to sometimes switch it up and be a different version of ourselves. Brilliant! We think. These new people don’t know you, so why be the version of you that was getting a bit sucky. Why not edit out the crap and be fabulous, like you always wanted to be!

Given an opportunity to make a first impression we sometimes reinvent ourselves. Sound harmless... healthy I suppose, after all,  being stuck in a unsatisfactory rut can’t be good for us. When given a clean slate it HAS to make sense to draw the best picture we can on it.

But...like George Eliot implies... that dazzling new first impression may well deliver a painting of who we are not - especially when people respond to us. Think about it. How many times do people who are new to you say a little down the line “ahhhh... but if you knew me better you wouldn’t think that of me”? Yep... quite a lot.

You may wish to push your sweet and gentle side forward and give your ball-busting persona a rest... but what happens when people start pushing the new sweet and gentle you around?... hey ho! Ballbuster is back in town!  A new version of you unfortunately always seems to carry your old versions reactions. Thing we sometimes conveniently forget is that quite often, rather than painting a flattering portrait of ourselves, all we end up doing is painting is ourselves into a corner.

I love that phrase ‘painting yourself into a corner’. So true that when decorating ...armed with a brush, paint and a room full of floorboards awaiting a fresh coat... it helps to work out where the exit to the room is before the first stroke is made. I can’t imagine many situations worse than being backed up in a corner waiting for acres of paint to dry before you can make your exit!

I often wonder if people have any idea of the risk they take when they give a new first impression on landing in a new situation. The temptation to edit out all the things that didn’t serve you well in previous situations is huge when presented with a clean slate. It’s an opportunity to be the version of you that you’d like to be. Trouble with that is that the version of you that you actually ARE is contextualised only by all the stuff that has happened to you, the OLD you. These may be good or bad, but they inform your reactions. Sometimes by reinventing yourself you can give an impression that you are someone who should react in a way you lack the experience to pull off. If you don't want to be that person full of excuse you will be as stuck in the new version of you as someone waiting for the paint to dry before they can leave a room. If you try to exit using prior knowledge you leave footprints as unsightly as those left on drying paint.

Now I ain’t poo-pooing reinvention. I do it, of course I do!  I’m very aware that they are many versions of me and sometimes it serves me well to allow another side of me to come forward. Queen of reinvention has to be Ms Madonna Ciccone. I’m not quite in that league for switching it up and around (nor would I like to be), but I do get the value of pushing forward another side of your character when times and audiences change.

But to do so is a very risky business. The person you are taken to be will be treated accordingly and you HAVE to get your reactions in check if you do not wish to be tarred as a complete and utter fake. (Bloody harsh when you consider all you are doing is giving a reclusive side of you to come forward, its reinvention not fabrication after all!) Sometimes it is clear why people just stay in their ruts and never take the risk.

Going back to Ms Ciccone, lord knows if said Maddie stuck to being the strange little creature that bounced around singing ‘Holiday’, she would be the worlds most embarrassing 53 year old right now. But since being that bundle of rags (doing a strange buckled knee dance), Maddie has been a virginal slut, a Monroe/Dietrich-esqe Material Girl, a conical bra wearing dominatrix, an exhibitionist,  an american catholic girl with issues, a brunette pixie, an androgynous gay icon,  a blonde hippy, a british aristocrat, mother earth,  a gym bunny... to name but a few. She loves to switch it up and produce other versions of herself.  One minute a singer, the next a children’s author, another a clothing designer and every now and again an entrepreneur (lets not talk about the movies and please can we forget that coffee table book ‘Sex’... the most frequently found book at ANY car boot fair!). These constant reinventions are of course  great business sense – they have kept a woman who burst onto the scene with limited appeal at the forefront of a cut throat industry for almost 30 years. But with each reinvention ... the general impression is of a facade.

Who you were informs you actually ARE. You can reinvent away, but sooner or later you find you have painted yourself into a corner. For example Ms Ciccone had a hard time when being Madonna Mother Earth keeping Exhibitionist Maddie in check when on stage. Consequently no one bought the ‘mother earth act’ the cries of FAKE! were loud and clear.  It has come to pass now that people have given up trying to see if there even is a real person under Ms Ciccone’s skin.

And that’s the gamble folks.

You CAN drop the luggage of your past and reinvent yourself for the future.

You CAN edit out the things you used to be.

You CAN be who you really WANT to be.

BUT...

The path you have travelled informs who you really ARE. Sooner or later the old you WILL be challenged to be silent when what the old you knows from experience does not match what the new you purports to be.

The first impression you give informs the understanding of who people THINK you are. Reinvention is tempting when you have a brand new audience who are clueless of your past. All I can say is be careful if you are creating a fresh portrait of yourself...sometimes it takes a long loooong time to leave the room while that paint dries.

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