PRINCE CHARMING
“I would go out tonight: But I haven't got a stitch to wear
This man said "it's gruesome: That someone so handsome should care"
From THIS CHARMING MAN by The Smiths, written by guitarist Johnny Marr and singer/lyricist Morrissey
Where did they come from… straight men that moisturise and have lots of hair products, straight men who love clothes and the act of shopping for them, straight men with a passion for interior design and décor – straight men who are unashamed to enjoy a lifestyle previously thought of as STEROTYPICALLY GAY.
Well, it isn’t a new idea, that is for sure. The urban heterosexual male with a refined sense of taste is not a new concept to the
By the 1980’s popular culture was littered with narcissistic dandies such as Jonathan Ross, Adam Ant and Duran Duran. However something fundamental HAD changed.
Once only found in the ‘creative professions’ the heterosexual man obsessed with his image was everywhere. Suddenly men became interested en mass at being looked at – and were only too happy to embrace the maintenance that came with it. Never slow to satisfy a growing demand the
The lingering appeal of looking good became reflected in the launch in the
Being a dandy/narcissist had gone mainstream.
This didn’t go unnoticed by the newspapers. They relentlessly covered this phenomenon calling these growing numbers of men “New Men”. It was a tag the growing number of groomed and lifestyle conscious men wore with some unease. After all - there really was nothing new going on apart from the sheer weight of numbers.
In 1994 Mark Simpson of THE INDEPENDENT noted that there were concentrations of the ‘new men’ located near or in cities as that is where the best shops, hairdressers and gyms were. In his article “Here comes the Mirror Man” he blended the word metropolitan with heterosexual and coined the term Metrosexual.
Over a decade later - visit any newsagents and you’ll find the women’s titles shunted to a corner while shelf after shelf of magazines are dedicated to the art of keeping a man and his home beautiful. The taint of suppressed homosexuality it actually embraced with television programmes such as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy UK delivering impressive viewing figures even two years after the series stopped being made.
In a 2009 survey of UK men’s lifestyle, in the under 50 years of age group, over 65% of heterosexual men ticked most of the boxes that identify Metrosexual tendencies. Which means ladies… unless you are with a man over 50…. Chances are… your man is one of them.
I have no idea where I stand on this issue.
Having spent most of my life dating pretty boys who take longer in the bathroom that I do… I suppose the proof is in the pudding. I’ve always liked a man who stays in shape, who smells good, who dresses well, has a nice looking home, can cook relatively healthily and won’t get bored if he has to go shopping with me.
I have never been attracted to the hairy cave man sort. Oh in theory rough hands, dirty nails, body fur and oily overalls seems the stuff of fantasy. But the reality of being exfoliated every time your boyfriends hand passes over you is really not as much fun as you’d think. And I’m sorry but who REALLY thinks the sweat of an honest day’s graft is a pheromone laden fragrance?? A bit of rough should be JUST that … A BIT. After all, hygiene and grooming tempered by just a FEW rough edges has been a heady mix that has been working the ladies for centuries.
And the Metrosexual does like bit of self maintenance. In fact MOST men do, as is proven by the fact that the majority of British males are clean shaven. Aware that clean-shaven men come across as being open and honest – in an attempt to project that image, they remove natural facial hair daily.
And the Metrosexual does like to moisturise – but then your skin is your largest organ so why not look after it if you want it to last a life time.
The Metrosexual likes a regular trip to sort out his hair – and yes there is NOTHING that can make a smartly dressed man look more like a tramp in a borrowed suit than that neck fur thing that occurs in the more unkempt man.
On the subject of which, hurrah! For the Metrosexual’s ability to put together an outfit and even shop for it unassisted – there is nothing worse than stepping out as half a well dressed couple cause lets face it girls – the man on your arm IS a girls biggest accessory!
BUT… the rise and rise of the Metrosexual has given even THIS gal pause for thought. I really am not sure if this development IS in fact a step in the right direction.
I get it that men want to look good. In this day and age quite frankly being looked at is often the only way you can be certain that you exist!
I do understand tat no one really wants to be remembered for their unibrow, nose hair or ear tufts… BUT GUYS… WHAT is going on with all the waxing???
Once on the remit of strippers, swimmer, cyclists or body builders - waxing men is BIG business. My uni-sex salon offers men more than just a haircut. In fact they come in larger numbers to be waxed on the back of the neck, chest, legs, toes, knuckles, genital area and … to get their eyebrows shaped. April at the salon says men come in with carefully cut out pictures of David Beckham as a guide. She reckons 30% of the eyebrows in my town have been inspired by Becks.
HOLD UP!!! Is it just me… or does anyone else feel something must be adrift if men re scouring sports pages not for results but for a decent shot of Beck’s brows?
Now I’m all for the death of the mullet. No one applauded louder than me when Michael Bolton and Jon Bon Jovi got rid of theirs (On the subject of the latter… who knew he was a secret hotty under those rats’ tails!) But gone are the days of a quick trip to the barber and a bit of pomade. Men’s hair is complicated business, there are gels, mousses, waxes, and a thousand other products to hold and sculpt the looks of today. Lord knows where we gals are supposed to put our stuff in the bathroom now.
And it’s not just the product… they are buying equipment too! April also mentioned she is selling more GHD’s to men than women these days. Now this I found hard to believe until my nephew came to stay and out popped his set to ensure the perfect fringe. You Tube even has a nine minute film for men on how to get the best out of men’s hair straighteners, and don’t forget GHD have launched it’s narrow plates for men range… a mere snip at £92. April just can’t get them on the shelves fast enough.
Any one else find it annoying when a man refuses to put the top down when driving on a sunny day because he doesn’t want his hairstyle blown about? Sorry but I am just NOT sniffing the testosterone in the air… just the Elnett.
I quite like Queer Eye UK… I’m glad the British male got over his ‘Backs to the Wall’ school ground homophobia enough to let 5 openly gay guys hang out with him for a while and take their advice. But let’s get real -Dane, Tristan, Julian, Peyton and Jason (oh yes… Jason from Dancing on Ice) and their incontinent dog cannot be serious about the amount of grooming products a man should own. (Though saying that I popped into Superdrug to get a washbag for a camping trip only to find that men’s washbags have been replaced by PRODUCT BAGS which are almost half the size again of a large make up bag … I asked why and was told there is a demand to something more structured for men to keep their kits in when on the move).
Time was when unattached men live in ‘Batchelor Pads’. These apartments contained nothing that wasn’t contracted from either chrome, leather or black satin unless it played music or showed films. This is no more. Lead by the likes of Metrosexual designer Laurence Llewellyn –Bowen (a man so outrageously dandy even his own wife had a moments doubt over his orientation) men no longer have ‘pads’. They have ‘living environments’ that need to be ‘styled’.
There is something VERY disconcerting about spending an afternoon in Heals Tottenham Court Road watching a grown man vacillate between a turmeric and grape silk cushion and a paprika and cobalt linen cushion. (It didn’t end well – he frogmarched me to Lombok where we spent another 3 hours comparing a mother of pearl sunburst cushion to a taffeta cushion that had a buffalo horn button – only for him to decide it HAS to be the paprika and cobalt linen cushion he saw in Heals – but it was closed by the time we got there. NOTHING … I repeat… NOTHING prepares a woman for dealing with an angry heterosexual male who has been denied the cushion of his choice.)
Which brings me to shopping for clothes. There REALLY was a time when the woman in a mans life would go out and buy him a couple of shirts, trousers and only ask his input to decide between jumpers or cardigans. Most men would ask her to choose even that. They never came with you of course – you bought it, they wore it. Men were not expected to care about what they wore. Just keep it safe, unflamboyant and preferably one of each in black, blue and brown.
My entirely heterosexual male friend rang me breathless when he discovered a menswear store have opened a flagship near me. I quote his actually description “a fusion of traditional retail with cherry picked concepts rather than full ranges”. I find such excitement about a shop selling shirts and trousers rather distasteful. I will not go shopping with him… he enjoys it too much. And WHEN did men gain such in depth knowledge of brands and lines… Firetrap, Hacket, Diesel, Rockport, Ted Baker… he can talk about them for a week and actually uses phrases like “Global Lifestyle Brand”. And yet this man lives with his girlfriends, works as a Prison Officer, and can be found on cheering on Millwall any given weekend.
You see that is the bit that confuses me. At first I was a bit delighted with the development. If a heterosexual guy could shake of some of that cave man role playing nonsense, surely it’d be like having a gay best friend… but with bonuses! After all a straight man who likes to shop, are up to date with home furnishes and fashion, look after themselves and look good… sounds too good be true.
Well it is.
They still have the passion for sport and beer and sex with women… (note the plural). They still want to watch an action movie over a rom-com any time. They’ll work out in the gym but still expect you to wash their towel. They’ll go for a manicure, a waxing, use hair straighteners and be at the salon all day… and STILL come home without any gossip.
Your gay best friend is no where near redundant yet… a Metrosexual is just a breed of man who has fallen under the spell of consumerism and just is imitating what he sees in the magazines and advertising. He’s just a peacock trying to draw attention to himself by perfecting an image. And like all images… there is no real depth there.
But maybe not… maybe men are changing… maybe it’s just us women getting a little confused as to what to make of it.
Either way – once you’ve seen a straight man lose his rag over a linen cushion…. You kind of know its ok for us to be confused cause whatever the hell is going on with the Metrosexual man… HE hasn’t figured it out either!!!!
okay... that was f*cking hilarious! Makes you want to grab em by the collar and shout MAN UP BUDDY!!!!
ReplyDeleteReally funny read! More