Blog 21- Today...I am mostly being OLD

Today… I’m mostly being OLD…

They REALLY don’t make ‘em like they used to.

When I was a mere slip of a gal, the Olds in my family… were like… OLD. They all looked like they needed a good iron they were so crinkly. They weren’t very mobile… we always had to be brought to the chair that they were in. They never had much to say I needed to hear… it was always a brief enquiry about how school was going and whether or not I was a good girl… they never really told me much. I doubted they had the energy for conversation. The highlight of my interaction with these decrepits would be the fact that there was usually a very sweet toffee secreted on their person somewhere - which would be given to me with ‘don’t tell your mother’ and a wink. But in general I was always pretty relieved when my ‘presentation’ to the Olds was over and I could get back on with the important business of being a kid.

But look around you…this type of oldie is just available anymore! It’s not just actors such as Dustin Hoffman, Donald Sutherland, Michael Caine and Robert Redford just don’t look like great grandpas should… it’s just in general old people are just FULL of life and aren’t shy about living it! My own father looks half is age and is much more active now (over a decade after offical retirement age) than he EVER was - and the STUFF he does...makes me just breathless... where DOES he get the energy!?

I picked up the local paper and found yet another story involving roller skating, bungee jumping, marathon running, pre-octogenarian! It’s common place to find myself mown down in the park by old ladies jogging... And it’s not just the vertical jogging they are getting into either! I just put down my paper with shock to find that a man called Mr Tokuda has just finished staring a series of porn films designed to inspire the elderly… he is 75! He says it’s the best thing he has ever done and he wants to inspire his age group to keep having fun.

Why on earth was I shocked though? Did I honestly expect the 15 year old of 1950 to have anything in common with the generations that came before them? For that’s what they are… today’s 75 year olds are the aged version of the youth they used to be.

Count it back and it works out they were 25 in 1959 so would have been amongst the first people to define what we now call youth culture. They lived their teens and their youthful adult years in a brave new world.

Theirs was a world of new technology – direct dial phones, satellite weather stations, Xerox machines and even etch-a-sketch had just come in! It was a time to celebrate new music with a little event called the Grammy awards just starting up and Juke Box Jury being premiered on TV. Scary new diseases had started to take their toll as the first human diagnosed with HIV died in the Congo that year. It was a time of changing fashions with the teddy boy era drawing to a close and clothing being more openly influenced by America and Italy.

The 75 year old today could have been a Greaser… wearing black leather and denim jeans looking outrageous on his motorbike, or a Beatnik... dressed all in black and being intense about poetry. Even the conventional youngsters of the day expressed themselves through unique tribal uniforms marking them out from previous generations– girls in polyester dirndl skirts supported by petticoats and worn with back to front cardigans, boys in neatly pressed clothing with small fashion details like suede shoes, or narrow ties.

This was an age group who were unafraid to be independent and find their own way. With the average age of leaving home being just 22years old in 1959… today’s 75 year old got out in the world over a decade before his 25 year old counterpart today would leave his parents nest. National service was still mandatory for 17-21 year olds, so a 25 year old lad in 1959 would have been through military training and as such learnt skills away from home… he may have even travelled as a consequence.

The 1950’s were a prosperous decade and young people were more affluent than any of their predecessors (who had a small matter of world wars to clear up). Today’s 75 year old would have been at liberty to enjoy the coffee houses, cinemas and dance halls of the era. It was the time when personal leisure became available to all classes.

So what am I saying… that today’s old person is likely to have done the following when 25 or younger? … patiently explained new technology to his parent, judged pop music on TV, bitched with their mates about the Grammies. Am I also saying that they have known about HIV a bit longer than YOU thought, have dressed outrageously and probably had more in common with a modern Emo than you do? Not to mention that they have been independent longer than you, know the value of a good night out with their mates… oh and has probably been taught by HM army how to silently kill. Is THAT what I am saying about today’s 75 year olds?

Yes… I am. Pretty much.

If we stop to think a second… is it really any surprise when you take that into account that today’s 75 year old was at the cutting edge of redefining youth, freedom, music and art that they don’t wish to just sit down and wait for God?

I say good luck to them. I’m glad that this extraordinary generation continue to be the Rebels they started out as: “We want to be free to do what we want to do! “ They may be 50 years older but it’s clear that now they are today’s old folk they have got far more to offer life than to just pass out the Werther’s.

Although you really should get a copy of Mr Tokuda’s movie… the article says he finds a WHOLE new way of doing just that!

Blog 20 Bikini is STILL two exploded island

Okay, we all know the history...

Bikini Island is well-known for being an atoll in the Micronesian Islands that was subject of nuclear bomb tests, which split the islands in 1946.Nevermind that the split was rather messy and lumpy: a two-piece swimsuit was introduced within days of the first nuclear test. They gave the costume the name of the island and was widely advertised as the "smallest bathing suit in the world", it was said that the bikini "split the atoll". The Bikini has become synominous with the symmetry of top and bottom.

And ever since women live in fear when warmer days approach as they know that the split is now two types of women... the bikini ready and the sarong wearers. No matter what we ay... none of us want to be wrapped in sarong.

As warmer days approach I flick back through photos of summers past and wonder...will I ever regain the shape I paraded in summers past? I fool myself into thinking I am perfectly bikini-fine... I just need to tone up a little. As long as it does not include actual hard work on my part!

Out comes the slendertone belt and I fill myself with enough electric voltage to power a small village. Now these things work.. they work to define your abdomen while you are stationary.. so I lie in front of the TV, convulsing and desperately trying NOT to spill my wine. I check and recheck the results... it becomes clear all I have achieved is highly defined blubber....so back in the box goes the slendertone belt.

Realising (as in previous years) that there is no shortcut and the old equation of more exercise and less food is the only option, I scout around for yet another quick fix.

A quick trip to the chemist and I have a fortnights worth of diet pills..."Eat normally and lose 5lbs in days!” Must be a misprint on the label as I lost £5 alright!... in CASH! The jelly belly remains.

Reluctant to give up food (my one and only faithful true love...satisfaction guaranteed)... it seems I will have to exercise. But again... how can I do this without that whole go to the gym crap that means I will have to buy lycra before even I am ready to see that sight! Of course... stop using the Wii board to snowboard with the party rabbids and use it to get Wii Fit! The board claims to have accelerometers and motion sensors inside the deck allowing you to transform from Miss Nap-on-the sofa to Mrs Rednap all in the privacy of your living room.

£70 down... and I am back to snowboarding with party rabbids... it was all too complicated for me. Plus I felt vaguely ridiculous using a child’s toy to transform from anything other than a stressed out adult to a fun person.

It begins to dawn on me that 3 large meals a day and copious snacking was probably a contributory factor to my increase in size since the previous summer. Whether I liked it or not my food intake would have to be reduced. Maybe I should just cut out the snacks. This started well.. I had no post breakfast nibbles, no prelunch tidbits, same for post lunch and pre and post dinner. I couldn't understand why I was no a superwaif... till I had a friend over for lunch who said they could not eat all of the salad I had prepared. I thought maybe she didn't like salad.. till it dawned on my I had tripled the portions! No chance of shedding a lb with a plate containing lettuce, baby tomatoes, spring onion, eggs, ham, chorizo, salmon, olives, baby new potatoes and enough ranch dressing to fill a cowboy boot. As lunch is my lightest meal of the day...I won't even bother to tell you about the emperor size breakfast or the eat all you can dinner!

I am now ready to move onto quick fix dieting where you can lose half your body weigh in a week and by the time returning to normal eating habits catches up with you...summer will be over. Hardest bit here was deciding which one.. there are so many... cabbage soup, grapefruit, Scarsdale and the scientific sounding metabolism diet. In the end I went for Scarsdale at to me it sounded like a down-to earth northern village.. I can imagine sensible people come from a place like Scarsdale.

In the end though.. the rules got me.. the rules. Drink at least 4 glasses of water or diet soda per Day. You can add the following to your foods: herbs, salt, pepper, lemon, vinegar, Worcestershire, soy sauce, mustard & ketchup. Now I could do the 4 glasses of water (which I changed into diet tonic water so I could kid myself I was drinking Vodka and Tonic)... and I had no problem adding condiments.. but did they really think I could survive a day on

1/2 grapefruit a bowl of fruit salad and a hamburger (without bread) with all the cooked vegetables I desired? I found out the hard way that this simply wasn't for me. I stuck to the meal plans alright but I got so hungry I'd fill up on the condiments! It was when security were called to escort me out of IKEA because I stood gulping from the mustard and ketchup dispensers as if they were water I realised this diet was not as down to earth as it sounded.

More practical came the idea of dropping a whole dress size by swapping 2 meals for my favourite breakfast cereal. I know real people who through eating 2 bowls of cereals and a meal at night have managed to do up jeans that only a wild optimist should have bought. Who would know that 2 bowls a day of Oats so Simple would give me more sugar and saturates than I would normally EVER consume! I gained 3lb.

Disheartened with this I returned to my first port of call...exercise. I have unique and vanity lead problems with exercising... it just all so... active. I didn't want to go running...as well...you are RUNNING... in the STREET...for NO REASON! Nooo. Swimming's great but what you gain in the pool body-wise you lose with the damage the cholrine does to your hair, The gym was out as I didn't want all those size 6 gym bunnies looking at my wobbly bits... so it was time get SERIOUS.

This time my solution was sound. I was gonna pump it, I was gonna burn it... but above all I was gonna lose it. Jelly Belly be gone! Come here bikini...I'm gonna be HOT this summer. Like I said... the idea was sound.... Ministry Of Sound: The Ultimate Workout DVD! What is great is that there are no witnesses! Whilst my neighbours think I am moving furniture to the pounding club remixes... I am having a secret 70 minute aerobic extravaganza in my living room. Just me, some bird of the call on me video and Kelly Brook!

I'd love to report that as a consequence I am now a size 8 and have just been to Escada on spent £300 on the Pacific Paradise Bikini...such is my joy in my new bod! But I can't and I won't lie to you...maybe I've lost the odd lb from the fact I am so knackered after a session I just need a cold drink and a fag! So maybe the snacking is down a tad. But there is something about shaking your booty that just makes you giddy with happiness.

To be honest, learning the dance routines on the video that is so far removed from purging myself that I kind of forgot about the whole bikini thing. I just like doing it cause it makes me laugh... and you know what...if I say so myself... I've got them routine down.

So in keeping with the original Bikini... I will be wearing mine this summer with both ends showing a slight explosion... in size at least! But when night falls and the euro trash fill the nightspots... them skinny-minnies best sit down... cause this gal is gonna DANCE!!!

Blog 19 BOOM BANG A BANG

A man in an orange shirt and a moustache that will later inspire the village people steps out onto the stage in Stockholm. He has just been diswayed from carrying his gun on stage with him. He knows what he is about to do is risky. He is to sing a song in his native language celebrating the revolution that happened in his land the previous year.

The previous year a secret signal heralded the end of decades of fascist rule in Portugal with a military coup: The Secret signal….first the airing of the song E Depois do Adeus by Paulo de Carvalho, Portugal's entry in the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest, which alerted the rebel captains and soldiers to begin the coup.

Hang on!! Did you just say Fascism ended in Portugal because of EUROVISON???

Oh yes sweetie… I did. And you thought it was JUST the voting that political about this orgy of spangles, and feathers! There is more to Eurovision than the songs – always has been.

European Broadcasting Union (a misnomer if I ever heard one as membership is not limited to those from European countries and the Mediterranean.. .anyone can join!) started a little contest for their members to put forward a song for Europe. It has gone on to become one of the most viewed events on this planet… last nights event (the 54th) had 100 million viewers glued to their goggle boxes.

Of course it is also one of the most loved and loathed events ever – what with it’s over the top kitschy performances.

Critics say it is just a circus of mediocre songwriting and embarrassing acts…. After all Finland once won it dressed as monsters and growling unintelligibly! But even for those who can't appreciate the singing grudgingly note its entertainment value… Eurovision is known for its fabulous stage and lighting displays, preferably involving smoke machines and lots of pyrotechnics.

Which may explain why for every person bad mouthing the event there are 2 more who adore it … and another 10 who throw parties.

Thing is those of us who get(OH YES….I am sooo in that camp) REALLY get it. We know that the Eurovision song contest is so bad it's good. And anything that good deserves a party.

Eurovision parties offer the chance to wear the most extraordinary and outrageous outfits. Costumes can involve a complete outfit including shoes, or simply a wig, feather boa, or stage makeup. A cape could come in handy for an attention-grabbing costume reveal. Eurovision costumes can be from any year since the first contest in 1956, so you can find inspiration from anywhere in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s....and beyond!

I have been known to attend parties dressed as a country (my Norway costume is still talked about), as a presenter (I went one year as Katie Boyle and my partner Terry Wogan) and yesterday my facebook friends helped me decide whether to do as Gina Gee or Bucks Fizz!

The parties are fabulous… If dressing up isn’t enough the games alone reward handsomely with such activities as silly sweepstakes – with prize money to the place winners or drinking games ( take a drink for every bad pun from the presenters, strange English lyrics, costume reveals, and so on). It is also a chance to get out all those ‘bad taste’ items and run them to full effect…such as disco and strobe lights, lava lamps, smoke machines and bubble machines. Dressing up, Drinking, Singing, Gambling... what is not to love!

It is the one night a year that you can just revel in the silliness of being part of the global family of CAMP.

Of course the event is very political … As if the tactical voting wasn't enough, the tempation to uses the stage to 100 million people tempts those with causes. Georgia’s entry was banned this year as it was too political (they mentioned their recent war). Gay rights protesters tried to have a demo in Moscow (who were this years hosts) and were persuaded by force that it was not a good idea. This years winner (a violin playing boy from Norway) said that banning the protesters was silly as (and I quote) “The show itself is the biggest Gay parade in the world!”

I feel sad for people who don’t quite get Eurovision… I think it is because they hook onto the word SONG and expect to be watching American Idol! That's not what Eurovision is about...it's not a rags to riches tail for some unrecorded karaoke starlet.

No No No! Eurovision is a long drawn out process. Each year each country must write a load of original songs, get people to perform it, vote for the one they like in national televised event. Having one so they then enter a knock out competition to win a place in the final. This year 42 countries entered a song in the knock out competition… 25 made it to the final. Eurovision night is the night when those who make it to the final must perform their song live to all the countries who belong to EBU... nationas that include Canada, Australia and China as well as the European ones. The event is live . no backing tracks, no editing. The countries who have entered in initial rounds now get some power as they along with the finalist countries get to vote for the one they like the best.

This is true people power... what ever the majority have voted for wins.

Given such a huge stage the songs for this contest attract the great and the good as well as the aspirational and clearly deluded. Entries have been submitted by composers such as Andrew Lloyd Webber (who wrote this years UK entry) and performers include the like of Celine Dion (who sung Switzerland’s entry). But the tricky thing is to appeal to 100 million people who speak different languages and have vastly different cultures. You will see and hear things that do not sit well your musical taste … so those expecting American Idol are of course bitterly disappointed. (And not just by Finland’s growling monsters and the like)

Though it is true that if you watch Eurovision, you will hear great music …occasionally.

The most played Eurovision song is Nel Blu Di Pinto Di Blu. You have heard it sooo many times! It won a Grammy. All the greats have rushed to record it..including Frank Sinatra, David Bowie and Paul McCartney. What do you mean you can’t remember it?... You sing it in EVERY Italian restaurant!... Yes the song commonly known as Volare (ooh ooh) was Italy’s 1958 entry.

Of course, if you sing in English you do increase your chances of winning. 23 of the winners have sung in English. This has been most successful for Ireland have won it on 7 occassions… 3 times with the songs written by Australian born Johnny Logan. And of course the reason why that man wearing the dreadful orange shirt was singing in Stockholm in 1975 was that Abba had won for Sweden the previous year by singing a little dity called Waterloo in English.

Of course you can’t mention winning songs without mentioning one of the Eurovision’s most entertaining and scandalous procedures… the voting!

With the vast majority of countries taking part being based in Europe - it is amusing to watch how votes are inspired NOT by what you have just seen on stage… but by how much trade you wish to do with your neighbours… or in some cases it is a simple demonstration of who a nation just can’t stand!

Neighbouring nations do like to reward each other. Turkey and Azerbaijan gave maximum points to each other this year… anyone who used to be Yugoslavia voting for each other and Greece gaving max points to Cyprus. Meanwhile Albania and Bulgaria (who are right next door to Greece) thought Greece should get their top marks. Cultral simularities mean preicable support from some countries to each other. Finland have a stupid language only understood outside their borders by Estonia… so gave Estonia top marks. Moldova speaks Romanian.. so they got maximum points. Then you get the who hates who marks… what a pity Ireland were knocked out in the qualifiers… I love watching them mark the United Kingdom. On the subject of which …when we dragged Europe into America’s 2nd Gulf War… we got nil points! That’ll teach us… this year when we pulled our troops out we finished in the top five!

Not that being scandalous limits itself to the voting… all sorts of tricks are pulled during the performances themselves. From semi naked beautiful women to pandering to the host nation to dragging a nations prestige list on stage, it's shocking what entrants will do to win. We thought we could sway the judges by having our world renowned composer on stage to detract from the unknown singer we submitted…. BUT those upstaging Germans thought they could cover up an appalling song by inviting Miss Dita Von Teese on stage! SHE’S NOT EVEN GERMAN!!!

Over the years we’ve had Israel’s tran-sexual, Ukraine’s, erotic Carpathian dancer, and let use not forget a very pregnant glamour model singing in a pink cat suit… (okay the last one was Jordan and in the end the nation sent Gina Gee to sing for us instead as even WE have some standards).

The interval is almost better than the show… over the years we have been introduced to every form of entertainment imaginable. Some with real WOW factor like the first international performance of Riverdance and some that generate the only three words you could say... WHAT THE F@*K???!!!! This year our host had a link up to astronauts in space!

The winners have the honour of having to stage it the following year… this years shindig cost the Russians 33 million Euro. They looked quite relieved to have lost this year. It is the only show where the winner actually wins a great big fat bill!!!

It is a quirky, mental, extravagant, pointless, festival.

But … WOW! I love it.

Next year the 55th show will be held in Norway. Can’t come around soon enough.

Blog 18 - WE KNOW MAJOR TOM

Soooooooo Last Century Dahlin

There is nothing like having Teenagers having a sleep-over in your house to make you feel REALLY old.

They wear their youth like badges of honour and make you feel so insignificant…they always have something better to do than spend time with you. Although today’s teenagers spend less and less time outdoors, this usually does not translate into the generations spending more time together. Teenagers have bedrooms with closed doors. If you are present when they are in occupation, it is clear that your function is to provide the snacks and beverages (should they tear themselves away from what ever it is they are doing up there).

However in this multi channel, X-box, social networking sites, mobile phone texting obsessed era… how nice that the boys said to me they’d actually like to sit down and watch a costume drama with me. They said they thought I would like it as ‘people your age’ like BBC dramas set in bygone ages.

I was quite touched… apart from the ‘people your age’ comment – but from teenage boys….. I was quite touched… especially when they told me it was gonna be on the BBC. After all the BBC is renown for its historical recreations… no one brings the past alive better than Auntie Beeb.

Imagine my horror when I realised that authentic historical artefacts for this by-gone age were. 12 inch records, Naked Lady pens, Fake Ice cubes, Mullet haircuts, Colour changing T-shirts and ladies wearing a Snood. The programme described to me by three teenage boys as a ‘costume drama set in a by-gone age’ was none other than Ashes to Ashes. A programme in which a time travelling cop ends up in the early 1980’s.

To a group of 13 year old boys – the days of my youth were as historic as an adaptation of Howard’s End.

Trying to wear my mortification with indifference, I sat whilst the teenagers gawaffed with laughter.. they had just seen a character produce a BT phone card…. Of course being products of the age of the mobile phone, they find it hard to comprehend any sort of life before cellular technology. My Gods they do make me feel OLD.

I was once told (by my father) that you are officially old if you have a clear adult memory that dates back 20 years. So according to him you are officially old in the UK if you are remembering your 18^th birthday on your 38^th! (For the Yanks amongst us, of course that means 41^st…..So THAT is why THEY say life begins at 40!)When you are old, you like to reflect. You like to list the changes that have happened in your life.

Of course with the generational split that night round our TV, it became clear that a programme like Ashes to Ashes could do that list for me. The kids seemed to like having someone who could explain this by-gone era to them; I had to explain sweat bands being worn as a fashion accessory (when clearly there was little chance of sweat dripping into your eyes whilst sitting in an air conditioned pub). As the camera passed lovingly over a Subbuteo set and the kids asked if the thing was an ancient foosball board. When I explained what it was and that to play we would flick the players to make them move…the kids just wept with mirth at the pointlessness of it all. They were rather relieved to run back up stairs and switch on FIFA Manager 09.

It did not escape me that today’s children were sitting guffawing at depictions of young people of the 1980’s and those young people were the children of the 60’s and 70’s. I must admit I got quite defensive about how much nicer we were to our elders. I recall watching Happy Day’s in the 1970’s and thinking how lovely life must have been in the 1950’s. It didn’t occur to me to snigger at the way life was lived then.

I began to wonder if today’s kids are just spoilt by over exposure to the easy life... I began to drift back in my mind to my childhood. We could not have retired to play FIFA Manager...we did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. But did we suffer as a consequence of a life less sophisticated than now?

Of course I had to pick up the phone and moan to my mates… however I was a little surprised by the reactions.

Judge to yourself – here’s two of them:

Emmm I was born in the 70s and glad actually. It seems more families stayed together - I had a stay-home mum while dad went to work daily – that’s how it was for most families. I think it made us more stable than today’s kids. There was less ready cash but much more freedom to explore our world - we played outside all the time - in the fields, the woods, by the stream and river, in the barn etc – we didn’t have technology cause there wasn’t any and besides there wasn’t a lot of money around so no one had many toys – or clothes for that matter. Had chores assigned - and forced to do them. Stricter discipline allround though- but I think that made us better adults. . I actually think we were better off.

AND

Well, if you watch old t.v. shows---it makes the 60s look like a great time with no troubles or anything. But when I grew up in reality, there were riots going on, so many different movements, wars, assassinations, drugs, etc. In was a time of great change but everything was unstable. It was a whole new era. However, it was still a pretty cool time (think music/clothes) and shaped our society today. But was it better than today? Ummm… no money. no fancy clothes, limited playthings, black and white telly with 2 channels. Forget to mention the cane at school, slap from parents when cheeky and Santa only left an orange, a 10 shilling note and an annual, but, it taught us survival and I’m here to prove it.

Ummmmmmmm….yeah well I’d forgotten most of that! No one had money, we had to do chores, routine hitting of kids by adults, the world in upheaval, black and white tv and Santa bringing fruit , blue peter annuals and the equivalent of 50p!

But also if you look at what my mates were saying there is a breathtaking freedom that we had that today’s children will never experience. Things have changed. Well that is the passage of time things HAVE to change. But have we changed for the better?

It’s hard not be nostalgic about the past… but I wonder, are today’s kids spoilt or are we just nostalgic about a past that never actually happened the way we remember it.

We are more protective of our children today. We do not let them out. We have an irrational fear of violent crime and as such prefer our children to find entertainment indoors - so we take advantage of the technological advances and furnish them with X-boxes, Playstations, personal computers and the like – though in reality we use them as child minders so we can get on with the stuff our parents could whilst we were ‘outside’. We ensure our children have mobile phones so they can contact home base at any time on the rare occasions they are unescorted – though in reality they just use them to play their personal music loud on buses. I don’t see the generations spending much time talking to each other. I think we think we care more… but I wonder if we do?

My parents by today’s standards were quite cavalier about the welfare of their three daughters. I’m not saying that it was like growing up in Sparta... but I certainly wasn’t wrapped in cotton wool.

I was popped into a brightly painted cot and licked and chewed all the lead-based paint away. There were no child locks on cabinets or soft edges added to furniture. I have photos of me sitting on the lino playing with pans whilst my mother held boiling pots less than a few feet over head. I fell out of trees, off bunk beds, ate worms, had fist fights, and played with leather balls that REALLY hurt. I was never really given guidance on how to amuse myself but I was expected to just know my actions had consequences. When I got hurt (as I did often) I recall the words “That’ll teach ya” said than once.

Things we’d never expose a 21^st century child to were routine. No one wore seatbelts, we’d squash far too many people in a car, and to ride up front with Dad was a huge treat. Driving to parties or weddings or pubs and driving home again was normal and I never recall hearing the term ‘nominated driver’ or seeing anyone decline a beer because of driving. On the subject of drinking we drank regularly from public fountains and shared not only drink but chewing gum with our mates without a single concern for germs. As for food I’d make sandwiches with only SUGAR as a filling, or drip my bread into the grill pan or the saved ‘drippings’ from roasted meat and drink about a gallon of Cresta… which was bright blue so must have been loaded with e’s… but no one worried about my diet or asked about my 5 a day!.

No one EVER asked us where we’d been. We made friends and enemies with kids we found outside. Parents never got involved with our scraps we had to sort it out ourselves. My mum used to open the front door and toe me and my sisters out to play with the instructions to come home when it was dark. Thanks to a bus pass called the Red Bus Rover, sometimes I’d have put many miles between me and home – and without any form of contact till I turned up hungry on the doorstep after twilight. Come on… imagine you heard of a parent allowing a child to do that today!

However, the freedom my mates spoke about the freedom to explore our world is something today’s kids do not have. Our children may spend more time trapped under the same roof as us… but are we talking to them? Are we comfortable enough with feeling old to tell them what is was like in our day? Is it any wonder that teenagers laughs when they sees a recreation of the 1980’s.

So there I was, sitting on the sofa with three teenage boys watching Ashes to Ashes. They looked at me as if I was the font of ancient historical knowledge… and yeah it made me feel old, but if I flip this on its head they do come from a different world from the one I knew at their age.

You can’t cheat age. Eventually something will happen that will make you realise that the reason why it feels times have changed is because they have.

So that’s that… it’s official I come from a time before X-box, social networking sites, mobile phone texting... so that means I have adult memories that are 20 years old. I come from a different time to the time the Teenagers of now have ever experienced... so that means it was a by-gone age. And unless I wish to pull on my leg warmers or wear a day-glo top I will have to face facts…. Ashes to Ashes IS a costume drama. I mean after all, everything in it is (and I quote) “SO last Century” !!