BLOG 42: A GOOD SEND OFF

A GOOD SEND OFF

"At the end of the day ,it’s your night and if truth be told all I want to do is go out, get shitfaced and have a curry and a fight down Caroline St" Nessa to Stacey on her hen night . From the BBC Series ‘Gavin and Stacy’

About 20 very giggly women enter the tube…. They all crowd around their leader who is trying to ascertain their next destination by reading a map…not one has not yet noticed it is upside down.. They attract the attention of the entire carriage, not so much for their numbers, but for the fact they are rather raucous and shrill... it is suspected that they may be under the influence of alcohol.

Each of them is wearing a ‘Pink Ladies’ satin bomber jacket with their name embroidered on the back. Each is thoughtfully dressed in a mock 1950’s way, tight black peddle pushers, too tight tee-shirts and a neckerchief. Many a face looks unaccustomed to the thick black eyeliner and bright lipstick this uniform requires of them. One of the women has a slight variation; she wears a white bomber jacket. Upon her head (in a departure from the 1950’s theme) is an alice band to which is attached two illuminated penis’s which wobble on coils of metal. She is also wearing a short white veil.

“Ah” says the lady sitting next to me stoically. “That must be the Hen”.

Yup, we’ve all seen them, many of us have been one of them: A member of the small army’s of women, flushed with excitement and alcohol, ready to give their mate a great ‘send off’. The hen party is as much a part of the wedding ritual as saying I DO.

Well that may be how it may seem.

But that just isn’t true.

Lets get something straight, in its current form, the hen party begun somewhere during the sexual revolution of the 1960s. Before this time it was unseemly for women to celebrate in this manor. The modern hen party was conceived as an expression of social and sexual freedom. This type of celebration was uncommon until at least the mid-1980s, and the first book on planning hen parties wasn't even published until 1998. The Hen do’s cultural significance is largely tied to concepts of gender equality - men had wild stag do’s for years. It was time for the goose’s sauce to be there for the gander. A modern hen party has VERY little to do with the age old traditions of marriage

However, the hen do has made great strides since its feminist start - it is now established as part of the matrimonial ritual. It has the establishments backing. The great I am on weddings (Emily’s Post) now includes the hen do in the must do check list:

• Final rehearsal at the venue for the ceremony.
• Wear-in your wedding shoes.
• Make sure your order of service sheets, menus, place cards and thank-you cards have been delivered.
• Order foreign currency and/or travellers cheques for honeymoon.
• Celebrate impending nuptials at hen party.
• Put together a list of telephone numbers in case of an on-the-day emergency such as a local cab firm, doctor's surgery and all the suppliers that will be attending or delivering items on your wedding day e.g. cake maker, florist, transport etc.

It was not always this way. In case you are wondering… this is how exciting hen do’s used to be before the 1980’s here’s a quote from The British Journal of Sociology:

“British working women were known to throw giggly sherry parties, where a present would be handed over to the bride-to-be from her peers. Traditionally this would be accompanied by a risqué joke or card. Friends of the bride-to-be would hide confetti in the bride-to-be’s coat hood or umbrella. It was also known that in more raucous gatherings a carrot shaped like the male member or toilet rolls would be secreted in the bride-to-be’s coat in an attempt to embarrass her.”

Oh… the thrill!…. How could those women have contained their excitement? Carrots, risqué cards, toilet rolls and enough sherry to bring on the giggles!

It was a very different world back then.

These days it’s no longer sherry for the ladies. It’s a whole industry now. Millions of websites to kit you up with all the pink glittery cowgal hats and penis shaped deely boppers you can handle. Every card shop now seems to have a separate section where bride to be sashes and ‘hens on tour’ badges can be purchased. There are armies of male strippers ready to have you squealing with delight whilst applying the baby oil. And don’t forget there are now plethoras of planning services to ensure your hen night goes with a bang!

The hen party is now bigger than the stag party it once tried to ape. Coming home on a Friday night through London, I passed through just three stag parties. Like the pink ladies, a uniform of sorts were adopted by the male groups. The first lot were in personalised football shirts with another group togged out in togas, and a third set aping James Bond. The ‘Stag’ in each case easily identifiable by the inflatable ball and chain attached to him. But, swigging J.D in public aside, they seemed tame in comparison to the numbers of hen parties which were out in even bigger numbers. There were girls in nurses’ uniforms, girls in miniskirts, girls in devil costumes, girls in brightly coloured wigs. I passed through frisky bunnies, wicked angels, and countless ‘hens’ identifiable by the white veil, tiara, garter and of course the L plate.

Women seem to fall into three camps when it comes to hen nights:

THE NIGHT ON THE TILES CREW:. Take in a few pubs followed by a few more pubs and a take-away or the slightly more sophisticated approach of going to a few wine bars, have a sit down meal and then dance the night away.

THE SPECIALIST COMPANY DID MINE CREW: These companies normally provide a chaperone, a theme, a schedule and book the hotels and all entertainments. Popular locations are Brighton, London and Blackpool.

THE WE HAVE PASSPORTS AND KNOW HOW TO USE THEM CREW: This is usually a combo of both of the above choices, but a short haul flight away. The most popular destinations are in Europe, including Prague, Dublin and Barcelona.

I have to admit to being rather ambivalent about hen dos. As a confirmed spinster of this parish with absolutely no desire past, present or future of matrimony, I’ve never been the subject of one. However I have organised many (over double figures) and attended many more…with mixed results.

For the record the three dullest (sorry if you are reading this – but they were) are:

· the weekend of pampering at a Health Farm

· the jealous bride murder mystery weekend on a boat

· the spit and swallow wine tasting with fun wine tasting games and challenges

And the three best (don’t get a big head if you are reading this - but they were) are:

· the Brighton fireman weekend

· the ‘sex in the city’ London night

· the cottage in Wales

The cottage in Wales was certainly an acid test of the difference between a hen do and a stag do. After a booze sodden weekend in a cottage in rainy rural Wales – there was not much about the other 8 women I didn’t know it was over. The stags had their do for a whole week in sun kissed Ibiza. At the wedding shrill greetings and hugs were exchanged between the attendees of the Wales Weekend. It was like a reunion of old mates. A lot of the antics of that weekend were re-lived (and restaged) at the wedding. Many of those women have gone on to become close personal friends of mine.

The stags (although away with each other for 3 times the duration) seemed barely to recognise each other at the wedding. As far as I know none have seen each other again.

I’m not sure of this is an indictment on the inability of men to bond or of going abroad for a ‘good send off. Curiously enough, even though the ones abroad I’ve been on were exotic and fun… not one made it to my top or bottom experiences. All that money and they just disappear into the middle ground…. I suppose that tells you something. It’s not the amount of money you throw at these things that makes them work…or not. It’s the amount of forethought that goes into the event. I’m never sure if these things are for the bride or for her friends… but more and more, whom ever gets the task of coordinating the hen night, is under a lot of pressure to deliver.

Planning a hen night is a lot of work. Even when it is all booked, deposits are in, and outfits are sorted, hen party guidebooks inform would be organisers that they must insure that on the night they (as organiser) must have;

• An autograph book or similar to fill with marriage tips for the bride.
• Disposable cameras, with flash, to catch the action.
• Condoms, Courgettes, Coins (for games).
• Some where to stash the whip-round.
• Half a bottle of vodka taped to your leg.
• Somewhere to leave everyone’s inhibitions...

Not a mention of toilet roll, confetti or sherry anywhere! However, in order to ensure that the bride gets a memorable send off from her girlfriends, a lot of forethought goes in.

Funny to think that only a couple of generations ago… the biggest amount of forethought for a Hen do would have been the investment of time one attendee had to give. The time she spent in her kitchen carefully crafting a male member from a carrot.

How things have changed!