“Love the whole world as a mother lovers her only child.” Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.
Well it’s half term and quite frankly… TGIF!!!
Schools shut last Friday, and I think I have seen the entire neighbourhood’s kids in the seven days that have past. Unfortunately I’ve been seeing them in my house. It’s not like they break in… they are good kids. I blame the parents.
You know what… when it came to being a family, I like a zillion women before me since Marie Stopes made it possible for us to choose, I chose a number.
And that number was ONE.
Being a parent means creating a loving, safe environment for someone who thinks it is their right and won’t be in a hurry to say thanks. From baby to toddler, right through to the teenage years and beyond.. you will be called on. Oh by the way, you’ll need different skills for each stage, but at all times that child will depend on you… you have to get it right on the first take. Kind of from day one you are the expert on that child and on what they need to grow into happy, healthy adults.
I always knew I would be incapable of being able to get such an important job right if I was going to have to do it for multiple kids.
And I have to admit… it was the right choice for me.
I never quite believed my parents when they said they loved all three of their offspring the same… I couldn’t see how that could be possible given the raw material!! There was always some drama on going with one or other of my siblings, I learnt early to queue. Not an un-useful life skill… sometimes by not being able to get immediate feedback you gain time to get perspective and also time to decide NOT to share at all. But I feel through no fault of their own there were large portions of my early life that went unshared simply because someone else got in first.
So I chose a number that was right for me. Right for the kind of parent I wanted to be. I chose a number… and that number was ONE.
I wanted to do the whole journey with my offspring I didn’t want to compare my child at 12 to my previous child at 12. . I didn’t want to have to choose X’s recital over Y’s Play. I wanted everything to be unique to that one child and to me. I wanted to pay full attention to a life I had helped make.
I figured I could achieve this with one.
Of course I knew I would be flying in the face of convention by doing this. I knew that I would be called selfish. I knew that people would insist that I have multiple children in order to create in house company. I knew that it is considered bizarre to have less than two offspring .
However, due to the fact I was not expecting my critics to raise my child… I couldn’t have given a fig! Siblings are not always a joy… just think about all the people who don’t get along with their siblings, or hate their siblings, or don’t talk to their siblings or swear that their life would be so much better if they didn’t have to deal with their siblings. Last I checked, sibling love isn’t guaranteed…so I couldn’t see what the heck that had to do with anything. The point was how many I thought I was capable of raising to the standard of a job done to the best of my ability. Figuring out how many kids to have is an extremely personal process...I knew I wad perfectly able to weigh up what was right for me.
So I went ahead with my decision and even was greatly assisted by the medical profession when they declared I couldn’t have anymore anyway. Thus the critics learnt to hush up… and I was left to get on with it.
I have to admit that it has proven to be the one job I totally excel at. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am a pretty fabulous mother. I’m stretched no further than I can handle and I know that I am the expert on that child and on what my offspring needs to grow into happy, healthy adult. HA HA!!... I rock at something!!!
But guess what!
Remember those people who were poised to be my critics?
They got their revenge.
People who have more than one child feel it is somehow a service to me to dump their kids on me.
They kindly send their offspring to you for hours…if not days at a time… ostensibly ‘to keep your poor lonely child company’.
BULL SHIT!!!
Parents of more than one child are never at one stage of child rearing… they flit back and forth between the needs of a toddler, a preteen, and a young adult, turning a blind eye to behaviour they haven’t the time to deal with, seldom having the time to sit and discuss the past, the present, or the future, being pulled by demands and conflicting personalities. Often older siblings find themselves with duties of parent-in-lieu simply because there is only so far any human can be stretched.
So what better a way to gain enough quiet to hear themselves think than actively solicit the parents of ONE.
Of course to ensure they don’t feel bad about the fact that they are palming their responsibilities off on someone else… they have to make that someone else feel as if it is they that are at fault. So they trot out the list:
BECAUSE YOU SELFISHLY ONLY HAD ONE CHILD THAT POOR MITE WILL BE
· Spoilt
· Over-protected
· Egocentric
· Lacking in independence
· Lacking in social skills
But have no fear… they have a solution!!!!
Have their child… in fact take two of their children…oh don’t worry about what time they need to come home… tell you what…how about a sleep over!! It’s a wrench for them to part with the fruit of their loins… but it’s all for the selfless best of my poor child who has no siblings. Of course I have take up these offers of peer company, there is only so many times you can offer up the proven fact that statistically only children are slightly more likely to succeed academically and in the workplace than those encumbered with siblings without sounding defensive.
I know that I’m being taken advantage off… I know that having dumped their offspring on me the parents are whooping with joy, and drinking champagne in the hot-tub. But there is always a kernel of doubt when you do the parent gig. You always doubt, even in the face of compelling evidence, that you are getting it right.
Apparently I NEED to have these extra children to prevent my child turning out rotten. Their parents sent their kids over with just this one selfless mission in their heart.
Like I said… it’s Friday. The last day of half term.
I have had over ten children under my care this week. And yeah… my offspring doesn’t seem to be suffering from classic only child syndrome. So who knows… maybe it helps.
But there is just one little nagging doubt. It always comes on when ever I drop those kids back. Their parents always seem to have a champagne bottle or two awaiting recycling.
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