“Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.” Robert Fulghum, author of All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
Sleeping is the new drug. Well according to my GP it is.
It may just be because our beleaguered National Health System is terribly underfunded and the docs have been told to stop writing prescriptions for fatigue pills, or it may just be that there is a grain of truth in the latest medical recommendations, but be prepared folks… your local doc will no longer be doling out the pick me ups!
Believe it or not, my local GP, Dr Bhluhud (yup that really IS pronounced Blood… cool huh) wrote me a prescription for power napping.
He claims all my symptoms will be gone in a week if I follow the programme. Oh but before you even think it, I better burst your hopeful bubble. It’s not just a case of going back to bed, there are rules.
And the rules must be followed to the letter if one is even remotely anticipating a cure.
The first rule is I am not allowed to get under the duvet.
Secondly, there must not be absolute silence.
Thirdly, I can only nap for half an hour.
And fourthly, it must be between 2pm and 4pm.
Dr Bhluhud says this method of recharging the body is medically proven and has had a long history of success. Clinical trials have shown that the brief power nap generally improves mental attitude and aptitude. Results prove that after a 30 minute power nap, vigilance is much increased, the functions of the brain are improved and the reflexes work much better. Taking a power nap improves the levels of cortisol in the blood enough to make us feel energised. And all without drugs!
Of course like anything in the 21st Century, it has celebrity endorsements… but unusually they seem to be in the main from folk who aren’t actually in it… like Napoleon Bonaparte, John F Kennedy, Leonardo da Vinci and Winston Churchill. Apparently, prescription power napping invigorates and stimulates the body and spirit. All the celebrity endorsers state in their diaries how after a power nap they awoke with a clean memory and a refreshed mind.
So, who am I to argue with the whole medical profession, three world leaders and a painter! True I was hoping for a sick note and a bottle of quick fix, but what they hey…may as well give the thing a go.
Okay, first thing is to find somewhere to do this. Now this is where working from home becomes a problem. When it comes to my bed… my duvet is calling. But rule one says no duvet. There is no way I can lie on my bed without being tempted to slip into its warm embrace. So that’s my bed out of the frame.
I could try the sofa… but in my wisdom I bought two sofas. Now this doesn’t sound like a problem… it sounds like double the choice... but not in JaxWorld. You see I HATE armchairs, they are by nature built for solo occupancy… and I hate to sit alone when at leisure. Of course the classic British style is to have one 4 seater sofa and 2 armchairs. Seating for 6 or seating for 2 plus space for 1 person to lounge at length. British living rooms are designed to accommodate this national peculiarity. So to get around this I bought two three seater sofas. They look fab... they fit the room… but neither are long enough to fully recline on. So that is the sofa out of the frame.
Problem solved… I shall use the guest bedroom. The bed is the right length and the duvet is not my personal comfort blanket.
Besides... the prescription says that I must not slip into REM. Apparently if you get into deep sleep (REM), you run the risk of having difficulties waking up within the prescribed time and when you manage to wake up you will end up with a headache and bad mood. No chance of that in the guest room. That room has the perfect location for light sleep. It’s the opposite of my cosy bedroom, being large, overlooking a busy main road and is in the extension to the house so has a quite hollow feel to it. (Ha Ha!... don’t come and stay at Jax‘s if you want deep slumber!)
So that’s location sorted… what next?
Put some soft music in the background.
Ah.
Not a great one for soft music. But apparently London’s Burning by the Clash is not conducive to power napping. What do I have that has 30 minutes of soft music? 4000 albums later and practically everything has a rock or dance beat! Ahhhhh…. EUREKA!!! In a box in the garage look what I found… a box of useless Valentines gifts. (Sorry Fellas but pluhease do you know me at all?) Here it is…Michael Bublé. Now then you don’t get softer than that!!!
Next… Clean atmosphere… (easy… non smoking indoors and the aroma of my bacon butty has long passed…tick)…. Set room to room temperature… (easy… central heating on…tick)…Darken room or wear eyeshades… (easy…can’t spend two decades ping ponging across the Atlantic without a nice collection of airline eye masks…tick)
Now then… what next? Turn of all interruptions (easy…mobile off, plug out land line). Set timer for 30 minutes (easy… cooking timer clicked into position).
Final instruction…. “Before entering your power nap zone try to free up your mind from any thoughts. Focus your thought on something you enjoy.”
Okay… anyone else notice a contradiction in that instruction?
Right, stop being pedantic and think of something I enjoy… Ermmm… Holidays?…Greece?… Yup…Sivota, when we chartered a yacht… crystal blue waters… great company… Okay I’m ready to enter the power nap zone!
Stick on Mr Bublé… lie down, put on shades…think of Greece…
And…….
… it’s back to seeing Dr Bhluhud. I’m still fatigued.
I power napped alright. But when I woke up… I was suffering a migraine and the foulest of tempers.
Dr Bhluhud was keen to try again as he swears by power napping as a cure. Having discussed the matter with the other docs in the practice they have put my reaction down to one of two things… either I’d drank too much caffeine before my power nap (bless him; he admits to forgetting to point out that one must lower ones caffeine intake before attempting the treatment).. or it could just be an adverse reaction to Bublé… they’ve all seen that one before apparently!
So… take two.
Coffee free. Canadian crooner back in his box in the garage. On the bed in the spare room. Central heating ensuring the temperature is just right. Kitchen timer set for thirty. Classic Fm playing softly. British Airways eye mask on. And………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Woke up when the bell went… felt a little disorientated so just sat down relaxed for 5 minutes before standing up. Then I got up put some water on my face, drank a glass while I was at it, then went out in the fresh air of the back garden for a while.
I hate to admit it… it worked. My named for a vampire medial quack was right! No fatigue. No drugs necessary!
In fact I felt darn right perky!!! So much so, that I raced through everything I had to do for the rest of the day… in just a couple of hours.
Which of course left me with time on my hands. And you know that Jax just will never be bored… so I found something productive to do. We all know that caffeine can interrupt sleep patterns, so that’s no biggy, clearly the National Health are doing a great job promoting power naps as my experience shows. But feeling alert, dynamic and ready to contribute productively to society I did find a little something to get my teeth into…
Which was just a little presentation for 143 Records explaining why it may be wise for them to pop a sticker on one of their artistes albums… “Warning Michael Bublé may be hazardous to your health”!
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