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| BLOG 65: CAMEL POODLES appeared on the JaxWorld Blog November 2009 |
“Things, like people, ain’t always what they appear to be” Christian Lewis: essayist, critic and publisher
Camel
Poodles. I mean why? Who came up with the idea of turning a pretty
pointless breed of dog into a pretty pointless version of a dromedary?
Okay someone obviously did. I have no idea what it must feel like to
have THAT much time on your hands.
For
a start a poodle is a decorative dog and a camel is a beast of burden. I
imagined a scenario where through twists of fate persons in much need
of a ship of the desert get sent a camel-poodle! … Could the thing even
stand up on sand? They’d have to carry it AND their stuff! ... Oh ..and
bang goes their water supplies if they’ve got a poodle in such arid
conditions?! (Okay I’m a writer, I have an overactive imagination – but
it did make me laugh out loud)
But
then, once I stopped guffawing into my morning coffee, I thought about
it and it occurred to me that like whom ever spent an unforgivable chunk
of time doing that to a dog, a lot of people spend an unforgivable
chunk of time crafting appearances that have nothing to do with what
they really are.
The phrase alter ego was coined in the early nineteenth century when schizophrenia was first described. But
this is not now something we ready associate with the mentally ill as
our celebrity obsessed culture has created the need for a persona within a person. One need only look at what Katie Price crafted from the raw material that was Katie until Jordan became a whole different set of values. And
she’s just one of many.
But for us ordinary folk – we too are rather
excellent at creating appearances that have nothing to do with what we
really are.
It
has been my experience that the biggest area in which we try to project
a camel when we are in fact a poodle is when it comes down to that old
fashioned concept of keeping your word.
“My word is my bond” is a phrase that is in the heart of all that England stands for. Or
so we like to think… in actual fact it’s only been around since 1801,
when it became the motto of the London Stock Exchange (In latin “dictum meum pactum”) which was pretty essential as bargains were made with no exchange of documents and no written pledges being given. But none the less, an Englishman’s word is his bond – so if something is promised, it will be delivered.
It
is not a peculiarly English thing, keeping your word. Every nation has
deep rooted values in the concept of integrity. It is the quality
control in which the honesty and truthfulness of your utterances can be
judged. Many situation has been caused due to the breaking of a person’s
or a nation’s word. But here in England – it used to mean everything. Our word was quite literally our bond.
It
is not hard thing to do – to keep your word. It simply requires being
aware that you have given it and being aware of when you must honour it.
Therefore, giving your word was always something deeply considered
before being done.
Today of course, this is usually where it all falls down.
I
tend to find that too many people give their word freely – without ever
once following through on the actions it will take to keep it.
It
seems to me that the value of being an honourable person is less
appealing than being an agreeable one. People just don’t want to say “Oh I’m sorry – no I can’t do that”…
so they say yes with absolutely no commitment to being available when
the head count begins. What is that?? Fear of not being included in
something – wanting a front row seat to the preparations just so you
have something to know about the event when you DON’T turn up? Why waste
everyone’s time. There is a word you can use if you are unsure if you
can commit to something… it is called maybe. Stop saying “Of course…count on me” when you have no idea if you can be counted on!!!!
Why would anyone wish to be thought of as without integrity? For that is what you are if you are someone who withdraws on a commitment.
To
me it seems so easy to avoid falling into this trap. I cannot see why
it is that people do not look at their obligations before taking on
something new. We are 20 years on from the Filofax, and there are now a
million different ways of programming devices with every obligation you
have until the next millennium.
Failing that why not say that you’ll
have to check and get back to them before giving your final word – why
agree to be of support when you may not be able to provide it?
I
for one could not live if I was thought of as someone who had no
integrity. My word IS my bond. And yet I am far too scatty to keep a
diary. I have at least five calendars in my home and not one is written
upon. I store obligations in my head.
This is not a system I would
recommend. But then in my defence I do not agree to do something and
then turn around and wiggle out of it or worse withdraw my word. Ask
anyone anything they know about me, there will be one thread that runs
throughout all you are told… “if she says she is going to do it – she does it”.
Thing
is if I am so scatterbrained that I can’t find my diary let only write
in it, and I never write on a calendar… how come I manage to keep my
word. Simple, I only take on what I know I intend to honour.
I shall give you an example.
I vaguely remember some time ago being invited to join friends on a trip to Latvia.
At the time my finances were secure, arrangements for dependents were
stable and the trip was a long long way off. I gave my word. Deposits
were paid on my behalf. I
stored the month of the trip in my head but not precise dates – and got
on with my life. But every time someone asked me to do something in the
same month of the trip I rang the organiser and said “What date is Latvia?”…
must have done it 30 times over the year! Towards the end she was
screaming “EIGHTH JAX” and slamming the phone down before I even said
hi. But never the less, I knew I had an obligation that month, so I
avoided double booking.
Then
of course things went tits-up when I unexpectedly got made redundant…
then arrangements for dependents went bollix up for the same month as the trip.
It would have been easier to withdraw from the trip, it was an
extravagance that I could no longer accommodate and my carefully crafted care arrangements were back
to the drawing board. These were events outside of my control - people would understand. But I couldn’t do that. You know why - I had given my word. I said I was going to Latvia. People were expecting me to honour my word – besides take an element out of an arrangement and the whole dynamic changes, everyone knows that.
So
I had to make it work. Thus galvanised, I treated the trip the same as
you would an unexpected large utilities bill… you FIND the money
somehow, cause if you don’t there WILL be consequences. As for dependents - well every bone-fide adult knows once you leave the parental home you have to learn how to keep a score card of every favour you've ever done for anybody, just in case you have to pull in
favours later down the line… we hate doing it… but sometimes it just has to be done.
So I pulled in favours, cajoled, grovelled and scrimped and I still owe one mate big time, but I
had integrity. Though the easy route would have been to make my (pretty
understandable) excuses and break the commitment.
BUT….I kept my word… because if I don’t then what is my word worth?
It
is the nature of things to change if you give your word with a long
lead in time. I truly believe that if you can’t handle the possibility
of unexpected change then don’t say yes at that time. Jump in later, if
there is room – but don’t say yes until when you know you will actually
be able to honour your word.
I have just watched four people close to me become camel poodles.
In
each case as the obligations they took on came closer… they withdrew.
They have led people to believe they will offer support, then declined
to provide it. One did it by operating radio silence till the date had
safely past. A couple did it by hiding behind recent unexpected events.
Another did it by not checking before taking on another (more
attractive) option for the self same dates. All four blink innocently
and think that they have escaped any consequence of such blatent
camel-poodling.
Newsflash!
They haven't. One of the key things about integrity is that it cannot
be compromised. It is the least flexible of human states. Don’t present as a camel when really you are a poodle – it just doesn’t wash.
In
other words the time to say no was at the start of the race… not when
the finish line is in sight. It’s a test that was, in the case of this
foursome, failed. There are no re-sits. There are now four poodles
yapping when four camels were called for. From a distance though… they
sure looked like camels!
I just have to remember not to count on it as becoming my primary source of transport, shade, milk, wool and hides should I ever be in a desert – because if that is what is needed…. Then ONLY a Camel will do.
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