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Sauff Lundin Overspill, Kent, United Kingdom
I've been told it's like I keep my thoughts in a champagne bottle, then shake it up and POP THAT CORK! I agree...life is for living and havin fun - far too short to bottle up stuff. So POP!...You may think it... I will say it! (And that cork's been popped a few times... check out the blog archive as the base of the page for many more rants and observations!)

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Thursday, 5 November 2009

BLOG 65: The Camel Poodles

“Things, like people, ain’t always what they appear to be” Christian Lewis: essayist, critic and publisher

Camel Poodles. I mean why? Who came up with the idea of turning a pretty pointless breed of dog into a pretty pointless version of a dromedary? Okay someone obviously did. I have no idea what it must feel like to have THAT much time on your hands.

For a start a poodle is a decorative dog and a camel is a beast of burden. I imagined a scenario where through twists of fate persons in much need of a ship of the desert get sent a camel-poodle! … Could the thing even stand up on sand? They’d have to carry it AND their stuff! ... Oh ..and bang goes their water supplies if they’ve got a poodle in such arid conditions?! (Okay I’m a writer, I have an overactive imagination – but it did make me laugh out loud)

But then, once I stopped guffawing into my morning coffee, I thought about it and it occurred to me that like whom ever spent an unforgivable chunk of time doing that to a dog, a lot of people spend an unforgivable chunk of time crafting appearances that have nothing to do with what they really are.

The phrase alter ego was coined in the early nineteenth century when schizophrenia was first described. But this is not now something we ready associate with the mentally ill as our celebrity obsessed culture has created the need for a persona within a person. One need only look at what Katie Price crafted from the raw material that was Katie until Jordan became a whole different set of values. And she’s just one of many. But for us ordinary folk – we too are rather excellent at creating appearances that have nothing to do with what we really are.

It has been my experience that the biggest area in which we try to project a camel when we are in fact a poodle is when it comes down to that old fashioned concept of keeping your word.

My word is my bond” is a phrase that is in the heart of all that England stands for. Or so we like to think… in actual fact it’s only been around since 1801, when it became the motto of the London Stock Exchange ( In latin “dictum meum pactum”) which was pretty essential as bargains were made with no exchange of documents and no written pledges being given. But none the less, an Englishman’s word is his bond – so if something is promised, it will be delivered.

It is not a peculiarly English thing, keeping your word. Every nation has deep rooted values in the concept of integrity. It is the quality control in which the honesty and truthfulness of your utterances can be judged. Many situation has been caused due to the breaking of a person’s or a nation’s word. But here in England – it used to mean everything. Our word was quite literally our bond.

It is not hard thing to do – to keep your word. It simply requires being aware that you have given it and being aware of when you must honour it. Therefore, giving your word was always something deeply considered before being done.

Today of course, this is usually where it all falls down.

I tend to find that too many people give their word freely – without ever once following through on the actions it will take to keep it.

It seems to me that the value of being an honourable person is less appealing than being an agreeable one. People just don’t want to say “Oh I’m sorry – no I can’t do that”… so they say yes with absolutely no commitment to being available when the head count begins. What is that?? Fear of not being included in something – wanting a front row seat to the preparations just so you have something to know about the event when you DON’T turn up? Why waste everyone’s time. There is a word you can use if you are unsure if you can commit to something… it is called maybe. Stop saying “Of course…count on me” when you have no idea if you can be counted on!!!!

Why would anyone wish to be thought of as without integrity? For that is what you are if you are someone who withdraws on a commitment.

To me it seems so easy to avoid falling into this trap. I cannot see why it is that people do not look at their obligations before taking on something new. We are 20 years on from the Filofax, and there are now a million different ways of programming devices with every obligation you have until the next millennium. Failing that why not say that you’ll have to check and get back to them before giving your final word – why agree to be of support when you may not be able to provide it?

I for one could not live if I was thought of as someone who had no integrity. My word IS my bond. And yet I am far too scatty to keep a diary. I have at least five calendars in my home and not one is written upon. I store obligations in my head. This is not a system I would recommend. But then in my defence I do not agree to do something and then turn around and wiggle out of it or worse withdraw my word. Ask anyone anything they know about me, there will be one thread that runs throughout all you are told… “if she says she is going to do it – she does it”.

Thing is if I am so scatterbrained that I can’t find my diary let only write in it, and I never write on a calendar… how come I manage to keep my word. Simple, I only take on what I know I intend to honour.

I shall give you an example.

I vaguely remember some time ago being invited to join friends on a trip to Latvia. At the time my finances were secure, child care arrangements were stable and the trip was a long long way off. I gave my word. Deposits were paid on my behalf. I stored the month of the trip in my head but not precise dates – and got on with my life. But every time someone asked me to do something in the same month of the trip I rang the organiser and said “What date is Latvia?”… must have done it 30 times over the year! Towards the end she was screaming “EIGHTH JAX” and slamming the phone down before I even said hi. But never the less, I knew I had an obligation that month, so I avoided double booking.

Then of course things went tits-up when I unexpectedly got made redundant… then my son’s father withdrew childcare for the same month as the trip. It would have been easier to withdraw from the trip, it was an extravagance that I could no longer accommodate and child care was back to the drawing board. People would understand. But I couldn’t do that. You know why - I had given my word. I said I was going to Latvia. People were expecting me to honour my word – besides take an element out and the whole dynamic changes, everyone knows that.

So I had to make it work. Thus galvanised, I treated the trip the same as you would an unexpected large utilities bill… you FIND the money somehow, cause if you don’t there WILL be consequences. As for childcare – come on! – every working parent knows there are more school holidays than accrued days off an employer allows, so we KNOW how to pull in favours… we hate doing it… but it can be done. So I grovelled and I scrimped and I still owe one mate big time, but I had integrity. Though the easy route would have been to make my (pretty understandable) excuses and break the commitment.

BUT….I kept my word… because if I don’t then what is my word worth?

It is the nature of things to change if you give your word with a long lead in time. I truly believe that if you can’t handle the possibility of unexpected change then don’t say yes at that time. Jump in later, if there is room – but don’t say yes until when you know you will actually be able to honour your word.

I have just watched four people close to me become camel poodles.

In each case as the obligations they took on came closer… they withdrew. They have led people to believe they will offer support, then declined to provide it. One did it by operating radio silence till the date had safely past. A couple did it by hiding behind recent unexpected events. Another did it by not checking before taking on another (more attractive) option for the self same dates. All four blink innocently and think that they have escaped any consequence of such blatent camel-poodling.

Newsflash! They haven't. One of the key things about integrity is that it cannot be compromised. It is the least flexible of human states. Don’t present as a camel when really you are a poodle – it just doesn’t wash.

In other words the time to say no was at the start of the race… not when the finish line is in sight. It’s a test that was, in the case of this foursome, failed. There are no re-sits. There are now four poodles yapping when four camels were called for. From a distance though… they sure looked like camels!

Still as dogs go the Poodle is a wonderful companion, it’s very intelligent, adaptable, versatile, and has a great sense of humour – for a dog. I just have to remember not to count on it as becoming my primary source of transport, shade, milk, wool and hides should I ever be in a desert – because if that is what is needed…. Then ONLY a Camel will do.

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1 comment:

  1. What a great post on keeping your word. Read my blog and see what you think. I was just blogging about this and found your blog through a search. I like your blog.

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