SPIDERS, webs, lies and eating flies

SPIDERS….webs, lies and eating flies

“In the spider-web of facts, many a truth is strangled.” Paul Eldridge (American poet, novelist, short story writer and teacher)

I do wonder about spiders sometimes. Resilient buggers that they are, spiders are found world-wide on every continent except for Antarctica. They live in nearly every ecological niche with the exception of air and sea. And so that you are never alone here’s a thought; as of 2008, scientists claim there were approximately 40,000 spider species on this little planet. They’ve been here for over 300 million years (a tad longer than us) and show no sign of leaving. (Try washing one down the bath plug… it’ll be back in 15 minutes thinking "What the heck?!?" and planning revenge!) I do think they have a little in common with us.

The literary and art world alludes to spiders consistently. What better an analogy for survival. deception and relationships? From Tolstoy, to Warhol, to Wolfe, to Shaw, to Picasso, to Blake, to James, to Shakespeare. Even Nietzsche (German philosopher and critic of culture) had a pop at spiders to explain the human state. Of course I do not put myself in such heroic company… I just think that (despite my attempts to get every bathroom spider of my acquaintance to join the plug hole sub-aqua team), anything small that commands such respect and in some cases generates so much fear demands some respect.

Amazingly these little critters shouldn’t really exist logically – they are not exactly big enough to hunt and bring down prey and besides they have not got jaws to grind their food and their guts are too narrow to take solids.

But masters on ingenuity, they make a silk (that provides a combination of lightness, strength and elasticity that is superior to that of our synthetic materials) and weave orbital webs of fine gossamer. And wait. And such patience pays of… the prey comes to them. Once caught, a quick injection of home made venom for paralysis, a quick strangulation… then liquidize. A kind of spider smoothly I suppose... ingredients vary from birds, to lizards, to insects to other spiders.

Oh yes… they’ll eat their own species… you can’t survive 300 million years and be fussy. Although spiders sometimes show toleration of other spiders, these critters have learnt to survive, live a solitary existence, meet up for procreation… but if you are a spider looking for more… you’ll be eaten! I have to say that it is mainly the female of the species that proves more deadly than the male on this point!

I was raised on the old Quaker saying “If you want to live and thrive let the spider run alive”. I was talking to my mates (one male one female) about this the other day… the similarities between spiders and people. He had a unique take on what it must be to be a spider… He reckoned spiders have to cope with (and I quote) “their house being wrecked every other day? Being on the constant lookout for birds? Must be like living in Manchester!” Where as She said “Spiders are constantly having to avoid sole's of shoes, and rolled up newspapers!.. not something I have to face much Jax”

I think they were missing the point somewhat. What I meant was I could see similarities between me and a spider. I like a spider have been known to deceive by spinning webs of such artistry it can be positively breath taking. I, like a spider have been known to entrap something I had no chance of capturing without such artistry. Oh and I, like a spider have been known to mate and carry my young with me…. And on occasion I have been known to (metaphorically at least) eat the male!

I do think of myself as a truthful person. I am far too lazy to lie… it demands having to remember facts that never happened and sometimes provide evidence of these fictions. I’m the person who used to ring in sick to work and actually tell them I feel fine! I’m crap at lying. But deception? Oh I like a spider am excellent at this. I can weave gossamer threads that appear to be transparent but can take you to places you had no intention of going! I can get you to do the thing you had not planned which serves my purpose well. I will never tell you that I am incapable of taking my luggage of the carousel… but I can stand and look at my bag go round, point and identify it… then stand next to my trolley. You’ll pick it up. I can talk about things I’d like to do and never actually get around to doing them despite all the relevant literature being strategically placed when ever you visit. You’ll book it. I’ll be bitterly disappointed that Sky Sport has lost transmission in my area when you visit. So we’ll go out instead and I will put the aerial back in when you leave. I can weave a web. Like a spider I don’t actually ask the fly to land on it. But it will.

Yes with relationships… I do see a parallel here. It’s all about both genders not actually being honest in the outset. Like spiders we can also find mates on the web… the world wide web. TV tells us there are 1000’s of perfectly fine single men available on the web. They are self sufficient but just haven’t had time to find that special someone. Yet two dates and they want to move into your house! Spiders have a variety of complex courtship rituals… most designed by the males to avoid ending up being the females lunch. They make it quite clear that if she wants them she can have them but they are really not that needy. Like a spider, I know this is bullpoop. I’ve met the independent male of our species many a time… only to have to tear down metaphorical webs after mating. They suddenly seem to appear close to mine when the occupant turns out to be less self sufficient than it first appeared. You can get the spiders point it’s probably just easier to eat them!

Spider females of many species care for their young, for example by carrying them around or by sharing food with them. As soon as they are self sufficient – they are detached. Though a minority of species are social, building communal webs that may house anywhere from a few to 50,000 individuals. Bit like human females then… we look after our young with an eye out to when they can just jet! Though it has to be said that the hippy-dippy brigade still do love a commune … but just like in spider world… they are a minority of our species. We breed, we care, we raise… we let them go! Like spiders we want to get back to that solo state.

But I guess that is where the similarities end… apart from the 8 leg thing which is sooo not a look amongst us bi-peds! The spider is a solitary being in the main. And we humans are social beasts. Like it or lump it we are supposed to get along. We are supposed to be in units. We work better than way. I don’t know that I could live alone like a spider.

I walked last night on my way back home as the daylight began to fail. The street lights started to flicker on. It was that special time of day when the light is neither natural or man made. Everything seems heightened. In particular the spiders webs shimmered in the sodium light…. stunning. And yet my human self looked upon the webs with a touch of sadness. I don’t know that surrounded by a home constructed of such dazzlingly beautiful stuff and not share it. How can anything have value if no one else gets to enjoy it?

Paul Eldridge (whom I quoted at the start of this blog) had a point. I can look at the facts and see many a similarity between a spider and myself. But the truth sometimes gets strangled by the facts. The truth is I am nothing like a spider. A spider is a valiant survivor of its environment it is true. But I am a human. As a species we seek to understand and influence our environment. A spider has no interest in trying to explain and manipulate natural phenomena. It just lives… if a spider dies it lives little behind it than a cobweb that will be swept away. But we leave behind our understanding of our world in a trail of philosophy, art, science, mythology, and religion. We do this because we relate to each other – we communicate. That is how we survive.

We are very different from our anthropoid buddies. We are social by nature… co-operating with each other to exist. That is who we are. Who would like to be a solitary spider when being a human is so much more substantial. The truth got strangled in the facts of our similarities.

Yes we weave webs of deceit. Yes relationships between male and female are suspicious and sometimes life threatening. But YES… we are,.. and we will always be, rather more difficult to wash down the plug hole!