“Anxiety's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far.”
Jodi Picoult (author Sing you home)
Talking about stuff is the least
natural human reaction… which is odd as talking is that thing we humans are
most proud of. Communicating is what puts us one step above the primates. The
most normal reaction is of course fight or flight. We are wired to process
information and either go to war to secure our positions or run away to secure
our safety.
Considering fight or flight is nature’s idea of how to solve conflict….I can’t recall much in my life that has ever been cured by fight or flight.
One thing I note about conflict (myself
anyway) is the inordinate amount of stratagising that goes on in my head when I am in this mode. I
think the correct term is ‘Mind Chatter’.
Which is a thankfully short summation of the endless, restless stream of
incomplete thoughts, anxieties and self-talk which constantly pulses through my
mind when I’m processing a conflict situation. I suppose I am processing
possible threats, dangers, solutions and explanations. It’s a ruddy tiring
process trying to decide whether to stay and fight or leave and take flight - all that anxiety! Thus is comes as no surprise that I
am pretty pants at conflict. I
go out of my way to avoid it as - whatever reaction is called for be it fight or
flight – it is all rather draining.
This may be why I seldom act
first, and usually wait for the other party make their move. In this circumstance I of course go into fight mode and
the outcomes that result of that are pretty clear. Unfortunately, good clean fights are rare. What usually happens is that they don’t make their move. They clam up…. so I get paranoid. Which
of course makes me act crazy…Which of course makes the other party clam
up even more. Which leads to a tactical withdrawal (flight mode). And the
outcomes are now very muddy as flight is followed by passive aggressive sniping
from both parties.
Thus (ultimately) all
my onward steps have been negotiated – however if I am honest it’s usually a
long road to get to the peace talks. Passive aggressive sniping can go on for
years, decades… until a third party comes in demanding conflict resolution… and
the talks are forced upon all parties for the greater good.
Yup…. Conflict is a LOT of work…
and frankly I am much too lazy. So I'm delighted to have been looking into ways
of managing the fight or flight drive. With the power invested in the InterWeb, I was pretty sure there would be an easy 3 step plan to keep this anxiety and it's co-horts at bay.
Imagine my disappointment! I swear the internet is full of quacks who simply say the
words yoga and massage any old time someone says anything remotely stress
related. (FYI… the breathing exercises that are also recommended quite simply do
not work… once in fight or flight mode you are full of adrenaline…. The breathing
exercises just convert this to a full on panic attack!)
However, I did find that the
following things do actually quieten the mind and seems to turn that darn mind
chatter down…making the importance of fighting or fleeing seeming less crucial,
which in turn reduces the stress.
· *Go for a 10-15 minute walk in comfortable
shoes (honestly …tried this in very pretty high heeled wedges and the total
effect was lost!). Lightly swing your arms, feel yourself breathe in and out
slowly and evenly. Padding about the neighbourhood like this does wonders to
get you down from the highs of anxiousness.
· *Put on some music and either sing a long or
dance – preferably both. (there is a lost of truth in the old hippy adeage,
sing like no one is listening and dance like no one can see you). Do not hold
back give it your all and throw yourself into the music
· *Find a short term project that can bring on a
change. (And Yes…this IS gonna sound like something your mother would have
shouted at your teenage self to do) Go to your room tidy your sweater drawer or index your old cds! Yes I am aware that does sound NUTS … but
honestly doing so gives you a quick practical demonstration of your power to
control your own environment.
· * Immerse yourself in hot water as soon
as possible. Not only does bathtime unlock the tension in stressed out muscles it
turns mind-chatter down from a constant loud roar to very dull whisper
I can’t claim any of this will
work for you… [yet who knows you may be the yoga /massage person the internet is
just crying out to assist]. But if you
are not that person and you do have the tell-tale anxiety creeping up on you: your
head is full of thoughts and you are desperately trying to decide whether this
is a battle to fight or flee, you’ll need to find a peaceful corner in your
head. I can certainly recommend any of those four things. And if you are just
seeking a little oblivion from whatever it is that is stressing you
out>>>>I was amazed how rearranging my room, followed by a 15
minute walk, a hot bath and a disco for one… simply tuckered this gal out!
Of course the simplest way to
resolve the issue of fight or flight is to talk it through with the effected
parties. What makes us different from the other critters is our ability to talk
about stuff. Unfortunately that all rather depends on having someone receptive
on the other end of that dialogue to help us overcome the urge to just draw a
kill zone around ourselves, or retreat till all that remains is the dust of our
footsteps.
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