BLOG 213: Our Turn

"Britain was the world's first industrialised country. In the twentieth century the two world wars and the end of empire diminished its role, but the UK remains a major economic and military power, with considerable political and cultural influence around the world".  Wikipedia GREAT POWER

I'm not pretending that I'm not  - though I appreciate that is the chosen course of action for the COOL kids - I just can't pretend that I am not.  I am ruddy excited! Face facts I was ruddy excited in 1996 in Atlanta (and it had already finished then - but I did the tour and bought the postcard anyway). I was beside myself in 2004  and I was 350 miles away in Sidari while world events happened in Athens.  And even though it's a life time ago back to 1992... I still did the tour when I was in Barcelona in 2010.

   

And before we progress any further, I want to make this clear that I am not in any way in any shape and in any form athletic or remotely interested in those who are. But YES... the Olympic games thoroughly excite me.  No one is more delighted than me that Greeks got independence from the Ottoman empire and thought... hey ho! let revive the ancient games! No one is more delighted than me that 13 other countries said... You know what we're doing nothing for the summer of  1896... can we come?   

 And absolutely NO ONE is more delighted than me that the city of MY birth will be hosting the Games in a matter of days and 205 countries are sending 10,000+ athletes between them. 

I know the COOL kids are pouring scorn on the enterprise. The COOL  kids are worried how to get to work over the Olympic fortnight  (really? Clearly you do not live in Sauff Eayst Lundin... WE have that worry EVERY day - suck it up guys!). The COOL kids think building anything with public funds is evil (really? didn't I see you going for a drink down the South Bank? So that wasn't you I saw at the former millennium dome in Greenwich?... Okay, fair point then - NOT!). The COOL kids say they "couldn't be bothered" to go see the Olympic Flame when it passed through their locale. The COOL kids can't wait until it is all over... and things return to normal. 

PAH! 

I 

AM 

EXCITED 

So there! If that makes me uncool - then so be it. I long ago realised that the COOL kids are just a bunch of people trying to look for a group identity while pretending that they are individuals.  I long ago realised that I was born to stand out  - I'll leave fitting in to those who can't handle that. Thus... as uncool as it seems to be (And on a beautiful sunny day like today HOW anyone would rather have a misogg face and poo poo the most exciting thing to happen to our city since the royals did something press worthy, I cannot understand... that HAS to be far too much effort.) SO PAH! to the doubters, mutterers and calculator tapping accountants... THE GAMES OPEN IN MY HOME TOWN  in a matter of days... and I am excited! 

Yesterday I went to see the flame arrive in my neighbourhood. I live in Sauff Eayst Lundin, we are known primarily for being the bit no one can get to (we only got the tube a couple of years back and even then it only goes to Greenwich!) but we are also rather famed for our dance music links that go back to the SEL Soul Movement of the 1970's and continues to this day with the likes of Tiny Tempah (he's from Abbey Wood don'tcha know!) Thus it's rather hard for us round here to do anything without it turning into a party really. So we had party in the big park by the lake. All ages on their feet bopping away under a bright blue sky and a blazing yellow sun. Then they announced IT WAS HERE. A hushed reverence for a moment then suddenly a massive roar as 20,000 of my neighbours got to see the flame with their own eyes. 

I know, I know.... the COOL kids can't quite get what on earth the fuss is about... really it's 2012... flames are available on every match, cooker, and lighter... CALM DOWN! 

But it's not just A Flame. It's THE FLAME. 

To have the flame burning in your city, in your town, in your sphere... Well it means something. 

I've been to a lot of Olympic cities... Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam, Antwerp, Innsbruck, Grenoble, Munich, Denver, Moscow, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Torino, and of course I was born in a city that had hosted it twice. BUT I have never been in a host city when the Games are on. Just being an Olympic city makes a place special.  Obviously cities become regenerated by the games - one clear example being Barcelona which quite frankly prior to being host in 1992 was in desperate need of something/anything to revive its fortunes.  The games CERTAINLY did that there. But it's not always a massive cash injection... Los Angeles (with the so called McDonald Olympics in 1984) sponsored just about everything to avoid getting into pokey like many other cities who got a bit carried away with the spending and ended up in debt.

  

I don't think any city could beat the city that stepped up to the mark in 1948 to host it  directly after the cessation of world war II. They called it the Austerity Games.  No new stadiums were built and ordinary people from the city gave the cinders from their coal fires to make the track.  That city was LONDON. And now some 60 plus years later we have the opportunity to do it again. I find it rather beautiful that the area most hit during that terrible war got to be rebuilt because of the 2012 games and is home to new stadium.  There is a sort of poetry and circular historical payback that the East End has benefitted from our city being host again.

 I think our story will be much like Barcelona's when this is all said and done - better infrastructure (yay Sauff Eayst Lundin is on the TUBE!), urban regeneration for Stratford (much needed!) and more than an extra one million visitors spending money throughout the city over those two weeks . If the COOL kids doubt anything about how we all will benefit from the improvements made around our city - just go to Waterloo Station. Since the Eurostar was resited to North London, Waterloo had been left in a sad and dismal state. The grand old station that saw our lads leave for the trenches of WWI, inspired the E.Nebit book the Railway Children, appeared in movies from Waterloo Bridge with Vivienne Leigh to the Bourne Ultimatum with Matt Damon has been entirely renovated  courteously of the 2012 games.  Something that the 91 million passengers who use it annually will certainly appreciate. 

But it's not just the physical stuff being host to the games does for your city. 

It's the uplift to the soul. You don't have to be into athletics to understand that  (- much in the same way you don't have to be into romance to understand that a good wedding brings a family together.)  London 2012 is like the big wedding on your summer calendar if you are a Londoner. ( - Yeah - you are not getting married, but we're hosting this thing and WE are on show.)  OUR city has put its metaphorical wedding hat on  and we're as ready as we will ever be to welcome our guests. We just want them to leave saying "WOW - that was something!"  And that challenge is bloody exciting. 

So yesterday I saw the torch and I saw the flame and it lit  the cauldron that will burn in my locale throughout the games. 

And yes. It was exciting to see and as the flame continues its journey around the London boroughs before it lights the big cauldron in the Stratford stadium on Friday  - the excitement continues. This is MY city, with its wedding hat on. (My goodness my city looks fabulous right now!)

And I really don't care about being COOL right now... because WE are hosting the Olympics... and THAT is bloody...   

HOT! 

PS: I found this transcript from the 1948 London Olympics: 

Lord Burghley began his welcome:  

Your Majesty: The hour has struck. A visionary dream has today become a glorious reality. At the end of the worldwide struggle in 1945, many institutions and associations were found to have withered and only the strongest had survived - The Olympic Movement is one of those. So here is London 1948 - I welcome the athletes to two weeks of keen but friendly rivalry, to show the world London has the warm flame of hope for a better understanding in the world which has burned so low. 

The JaxWorld Blog can be followed on Twitter- @JaxWorldBlog

Or you can join over 7000 fans of The JaxWorld Blog on Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/The.JaxWorld.Blog

Thanks for continuing to vote for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff and for ALL your support that has made this blog such a huge success.

 If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about the JaxWorld blog, pls log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

BLOG 212: Training Krys Taltipse

“Shop like a MAN... see it, club it, drag it home!”  Mansnet.com

Shopping with men has been a theme of this blog on more than one occasion - love to say this will be the last. But this is JaxWorld – I would never lie to you. It won’t be. Nothing shows the difference between the genders like the approach to clothes shopping. The whole concept that shopping is a leisure activity leaves them bewildered - they have no idea why bars and restaurants live cheek by jowl with retail enterprises. They don’t understand why shopping for garments to wear takes women so ruddy long. If a man needs something he just buys it. Like a recon mission. In and out. (And as a consequence ends up owning far too many items of clothing in shades of blue, grey, brown and black). 

Krys Taltipse is such a man. The advent of the shopping mall leaves him confused. “Why would someone even wish to sit down to eat and drink when doing a task as mundane as shopping for clothes” MUNDANE??? MUNDANE??? How is it even possible that any man – especially one living in such close proximity to London- can view garment shopping as a task – let alone a mundane one!! **shudder!** But hey ho, lets face facts, Krys Taltipse is not alone. Many men simply don’t understand shopping as a leisure activity. The hurried approach to buying things rather than leisurely shopping for ensembles clearly showed in Krys's wardrobe which given his proximity to some of the best shopping in London was quite frankly a crime.

It normally takes a huge catalyst for a man to do something about something he erstwhile did not see as a problem. Despite the fact that London Shopping streets are  renown worldwide for the shops supreme skill at bringing the catwalks to the backs of ordinary folk quickly and cheaply – the existence of St Christopher’s Place, Berwick Street, Jermyn Street, South Molton Street, Seven Dials, Portobello Road, Westbourne Grove, Canada Square, Regent Street, Bond Street and Oxford Street leave the average man cold. They’d rather heat up on a 6 minute dash into Burtons to replace the blue, black, grey or brown item that may have sprung a hole. And YES...This hurried approach to buying things meant that Krys and his father dressed like twins.

But along came the catalyst.

Yep Krys has his head turned by a rather cute brunette... who quite clearly is a bit of a fashionista herself. Not wishing to be rude but if Krys Taltipse was fortunate to pull the lady in question... he would have to smarten up his act, or forever be the dating one half of a much better dressed couple!  Krys Taltipse is not a silly man; he is probably one of the most single minded people I know. However, single minded when it comes to men means having more than one thing to think about means they will  either ignore the secondary instructions or totally screw up what they are currently engaged in doing. Face facts... being able to shop means thinking of more than one thing at once. Not quite his strong suit.

It was time for a spot of training JaxWorld training.

First thing was to break the cycle of dressing like his dad and that meant finding find a male role model that Krys could live with... not in actuality (I can pull of a lot of stuff, but moving in with a Hollywood A’ lister... not so much!) Women have been doing this for years (I’ve always had a bit of Liz Taylor meets Billie Holiday going on in my head when I shop) – but inspiration must come from somewhere and it helps to have someone with a similar build and attitude to influence style. Surprisingly acceptance of this part of the process went well (helped somewhat by the male role model being married to the gorgeous British actress Emily Blunt who pays a small but noticeable similarity to the young lady that has his heart all a-flutter.) So, an internet study of said actor at work and repose gave us a list of items (thankfully not all in blue, grey, brown and black) to begin building a capsule wardrobe.

Next step... where to shop?

As I’ve already said, London is blessed with many shopping areas, most of which are the traditional outdoor shopping experience. However, following the advent of the Brent Cross Shopping Centre in North London back in the 1970’s, huge malls have sprung up – Lakeside to the East, Westfield to the West and Bluewater to the South. These complexes offer protection from the variables of the English weather, along with many hundreds of the best retailers all under one roof.  It was to the newest (and smallest) of these that Krys decided to host his first real shopping trip – Westfield Stratford City. I’m more a fan of traditional shopping streets but to be honest his choice worked out well. The choice of a shopping mall meant that it was easy for me to show Krys Taltipse that calm and steady is the way to shop... no need to do the stereotypical male minute dash!

It was a simple plan. Meet up – have a beer in one of the swanky watering holes in the complex. Then go in and get at least two MAJOR parts of the capsule wardrobe. Break time would be a male manicure (so many places now do free manicures/facials while male grooming products are discussed and purchased – result!) Pick up a couple products there. Then time for a refreshing beer (and light snacks) at another venue before taking on the rest of the list. Finally armed with plenty of bags heavy with the all new Krys – Late lunch..served with yes... more beer.

So... off we go.

I’m not shopping for him, I'm guiding and training him, - the choices are his. But Krys is instructed not to make any purchase without my rubber stamp. If I veto something... my word is law (rather like Eric Cartman in Southpark “Do not Question My Awthority!”).

It’s all going well. Despite initial reservations, Krys is beginning to enjoy himself. It’s not just the beer stops, there is a certain satisfaction that capsule pieces for the all new HE are selected and the grown up sporty but smart look is taking shape. 

It’s time for the bit he is dreading. Krys Taltipse is a bloke’s bloke, rugby build – rugby nails for sure - men like him do not have manicures. But Krys is rather aware that hands that combine the visual appeal of "monkey meets cheese grater" probably won’t float little Miss Brunette’s boat. Besides, I’m in the salon before he has a chance to object and chatting up the owner with vague promises of buying products after we get to see the effect. The free manicure is on as is the facial massage. (RESULT!). Krys is ushered into the chair and a very beautiful Italian girl comes out to do the therapies. She has the most expressive eyes of an indeterminable colour and midnight black hair that ends tantalisingly at her bust. Knowingly, she twiddles the ends as she speaks soothingly to him, occasionally tossing it over her shoulder. Krys does no longer look like a man dreading a manicure, he places his hand in her care and while I go through the male grooming products with the manager, I hear Krys asking our Italian vixen what colour her eyes actually are. (I’d call that relaxed!). I purchase a small tub of body butter for myself but up the flirting with the manager and allude to future business... he pops £70 worth of male grooming products into my bag free of charge (along with his telephone number!) It’s time to leave and we thank the salon staff and promise faithfully to return as regular paying customers. Like I said... RESULT.

Beer time. Krys has a penchant for gambling and there is a casino on site. Seeing he is so compliant, I treat him to a drink there. We sit out on the terrace and enjoy the July sunshine and take a look at the Olympic Stadium (should there be so many JCB’s when the games start in a fortnight??) – it’s glorious out there. Okay a flutter wasn't on the schedule but he should be in pig heaven having a beer in such a location but Krys is a little quiet. “What’s up?” I ask. “I feel guilty and a little worried what you are gonna say” he answers. I get him to spit it out. He is in breach of my rules... he bought a couple of extra products from the Italian girl . “What did you get?” I ask.  He produces a small bottle of stuff suitable for 40 year old skin.... Krys is 25!!! I fall about laughing. “THIS IS WHY YOU MUST NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY YOU TWAT!” 

High spirits restored - we return to the stores. Despite his recent confession, I am now letting him off the leash completely, seeing what he can put together himself. He returns with some good choices (only the long sleeve T-shirt is rejected). By the time we are doing footwear I am merely the person looking after the bags! My work is done.

Time for late lunch. We take our seats which offer a panoramic view over the interior of the mall. We order our meal and launch into our third beer of the afternoon. “Well that was much better than I thought...I don’t do shopping expeditions that require meal breaks. I reckoned that NO one could sell ANY thing that I want badly enough to be shopping that long – but it’s been alright!” He admits.   I laugh “So not only have you the start of a movie star wardrobe, I’ve convinced you eating when out shopping can be more involved than bottled water and a Yorkie from the newsagent!”

The food arrives and we tuck in.

 “So...”  I say, “NOW do you understand unique joy of sitting in a restaurant with shopping bags round your ankles?” He nods and starts on about how much fun it was, and it sure beats his old system.  “Aye”, I say “And now you don't dress like your dad going to the gardening centre, you just may pull that brunette as well – see how great the world is when you DON’T question my authority!” I laugh.

Krys looks rather sheepish.

I ask what is up.

He says he feels guilty that he bought all that stuff off the Italian girl.

“Oh well, don’t worry, we all make mistakes... besides you more than broke even what with your free manicure, facial and don’t forget the 70 quid of products the owner popped in my bag for you!”

“Ah...  I don’t think so...” He says “she WAS very pretty”

I look confused.

He pulls out the receipt from his purchase at the salon... it is WAY over a couple of hundred quid! To make this clear for my American readers...if this was the USA he would have spent $360 on an eye cream he can’t use for another 15 years.  

Here was the proof...Men can’t shop. There is a REASON why they run in and run out like getting a jacket is a recon mission... if they slow down for a second, ludicrous, unnecessary and expensive purchases are what will always happen! What was I thinking when I decided that they were trainable! It does not do to mess with nature.

I just sighed deeply and remembered a quote from the novelist Jenny Colgan:

“I like men very much. They're funny, straightforward and good at sums. On the other hand, there are some areas of life where they are complete and utter uncontainably useless arses.”

Amen to that Jen...

Amen to that.

The JaxWorld Blog can be followed on Twitter- @JaxWorldBlog

Or you can join over 7000 fans of The JaxWorld Blog on Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/The.JaxWorld.Blog

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about the JaxWorld blog, pls log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for continuing to vote for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff and for ALL your support that has made this blog such a huge success.