BLOG 201: Rainy Daze

“Rainy days like today are perfect for doing housework, but I managed to put on clothes, though only because a man was coming to service my boiler” My friend Nicky

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down – or at least that’s what Karen Carpenter once warbled about.  I don’t have a problem with rainy days myself. (Nor should anyone who lives in England -as 4 inches of rain per month is kind of the deal). I quite like rainy days. The pressure to go do something outside (in a country with hardly any outdoor infrastructure) is finally off and you are free to get to the crux of the English Dream...THE CASTLE. Yep... an Englishman’s home is his castle. Rainy days means that I can enjoy my house guilt free, I genuinely don’t mind the rain...Come on how did you think the moat gets filled!

Working from home midweek during dreary weather doesn’t mean that you can be bored. In fact dreary weather brings out the chatty side in my mates who are likewise employed.  Though it seems (because we’re English) we have to establish weather conditions locally and nationally before we can comment or report on any of life’s big questions.

It’s raining in Avon says Gary, It’s raining in Lincolnshire says Nicky, It’s raining in Kent says I. 

I’m not sure if any of us expected to look out our windows and observe the blistering heat of the Serengeti as we do know we live in Northern Europe. And yes, we know it is spring. And yes, we’ve know about April Showers. But it is raining in England - so this must be brought to the attention of each of us – despite the evidence rolling down our window panes.

To be fair though the national obsession with the weather is a bit heightened at the moment... although we in England usually have 927mm of rain annually, we've somehow managed to find ourselves in the grip of an official drought. I kid you not... we have hosepipe bans, no sprinklers on the lawn... the whole kit and caboodle... and yet, there I am on-line with Gazza and Nic and although it’s 130 plus miles west or east of here to either abode ...we are all three enjoying a downpour that would make Noah feel justified about blowing Emzara’s dowry on a shipbuilding kit. We felt it was only right to comment on the fact we are in three different locations watching torrential rain whilst still officially our nations reservoirs are parched.

However we are not ritualistic moaners Gazza, Nic and I...   we always like to look on the bright side if there is one. “Well” says Gary “This crappy weather does give us the perfect excuse not to leave the house and not feel guilty about it!” Nicky commented that the lack of clement weather means that staying ‘indoors’ means that at least you can get the housework done.  Which was when Gary served the kind of swerve for which he is rather renown for in our circle, by commenting that in such inclement weather it was barely even worth getting dressed “.. or is that just me?” he asked. In a heart beat Nicky was back with the quote I began this blog with. Basically, I was left with the rather graphic picture of Gazza in his Bristol home lounging in his mankini (or less) and Nicky only finding it appropriate to stop floating around her Lincolnshire home in her smalls (waving a feather duster at ornaments) because the boiler man cometh!

Now that got me thinking...It’s a strange facet of our class obsessed country that one must always be appropriately dressed for a tradesman. It was not too long ago when a tradesman would only have access to a home through a discreet rear entrance, as he would not be in possession of the right kind of hat and cane, and would be undoubtedly unattended by staff of any kind. (Those being the basic qualifications of any man who would be bold enough to ring at the front door.) A mere trademan certinly would not come into contact with the lady of house. (Nor indeed in those halycon days be at risk of seeing her in her undercrackers). These days, of course tradesmen are more likely to own the big house than the gentry of yesteryear - the tradesman has gone up in the world. For some reason that has never been made entirely clear to me, one must not be seen to be ‘on ones uppers’ when a tradesman calls. I’m not saying we all rush to the closet and pull on a Phase Eight lacy dress just to show him where the boiler is, but it would never be the done thing to open the door to a tradesman whilst still populating the great unwashed. (Let alone the great undressed).

Talking of the great undressed can someone explain to me the cultural anachronism that is the women in her smalls doing housework? The notion of a woman doing chores in her underwear stirred a tide of “whooohays!” through cyberspace... Nicky had to quickly take control of that little ripple! Just the suggestion of a woman doing chores while half-dressed fires up the most erotic of visual clichés. (Restricted to hoovering, dusting and ironing only as I am yet to see any popular image of a half naked fittie getting busy with the toilet duck and a pebbledashed bowl).

Anyhow, long and the short of it is, that I certainly gained a lot from my chats with my friends on a rainy mid week day.

We confirmed that it’s England, in springtime and the powers that be have declared a national state of drought.

We established that despite this fact it certainly WAS raining in Kent, in Lincolnshire and in Avon.. drought or no ruddy drought.

We pondered if it was to stop Sir Bob Geldolf gathering all his old show-business chums together and recording a little ditty “Do they know it’s Rainy Time” that the same powers that be that told us we are in drought are the ones who today notified us that 7 of the rivers in the drought area are likely to break their banks due to the heavy rain we’ve been experiencing.  (We have to be the only country to have simultaneous drought and flood warnings!)


I certainly enjoyed the fact these little contradictions didn’t go unnoticed by Gary, Nicky and I.

Rainy days and Mondays may well have always got Karen Carpenter down but to be honest, rainy days like today make me smile.

The bright side of living with a national obsession with weather is that it did give us three an opening to chat about having an excellent reason not to leave our houses and have a slightly more chilled out Wednesday. Nicky – being the more motivated of the three of us, did highlight that staying indoors does also give you the opportunity to get ahead with the house work. So what if the headlines read "Flood warnings hit drought Britain!"  We were all practicing the Chin up/bear down ...keep calm/carry on , sort of thing.

You couldn’t ask for a more British conversation...

Except...

Now every time it rains henceforth, unbidden, I just know I will get a mental image of Gazza lounging around his house in a state of undress... and Nicky busy as a busy thing in hers... getting dressed only when the boiler man cometh!

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