BLOG 108: THE GALS NIGHT

“Many women would rather just go out with the girls. They want to be able to dance with whomever they want to. They don't want to have to deal with a date getting jealous or have to worry about anything serious happening afterwards. ” Casey Smith

May 2010 will go down in the history of the west as the month when women all over the world just got the girls together and went out – manless and proud. It has been a time of girlfriends pondering over 4 variations of outfits, strapping on the heels, meeting up, downing cocktails and…. Sitting in the cinema?

YES… I did say sitting in the cinema… for a bum numbing 146 minutes!

Unless you died before Thursday just gone, you would know that the new Sex and the City film (SATC2) premiered in London’s Leicester Square.

The television series turned television as we knew it on its head, featuring as it did four independent female characters that explicitly set out to have sex like men did. The characters were primarily in their thirties with one "older woman" character – in telly land back then, anyone in her forties was heading for cardigan-land – and the whole thing made ground-breaking television. The writing was extemporary –

raucously witty, and touchingly poignant when least expected.

The major demographic watching the show was of course of female with a large sprinkle of gay men. Hetro-men were deeply unsettled by the whole thing. I recall my live-in boyfriend at the time pronouncing the whole thing dreadful and flouncing out of the room as he did not wish to pay witness to me polluting my brain with such “pathetic American propaganda”. Though propaganda for what?... that my collection of 75 shoes and gay best friends were permissible?!

But we all got sucked in to hearing Columnist Carries thoughts on relationships (which provided the theme of each episode), workaholic Miranda’s caustic wit, conservative Charlottes uptight whining and sexual omnivore Samantha’s spade calling. It won multiple awards (and seriously made Blahnik and Choo a must have for every gal)… and then in 2004 they called it a day. We waited for the movie version that never came… then finally in 2008... it arrived...BIG TIME!

It was a phenomenon… women gathered in groups, dressed as their fave characters and went to see it in droves. It was the mandatory girls’ night out. WHY? SATC’s principal strength is its celebration of female friendship.

So when the next one, unimaginatively entitled Sex and the City 2, came out so we assembled the troupes and put on the glad rags and were back in the pictures. (BTW: The critics described the film as "Straining under a thinnest of plots… stretched to its limit by a seriously bloated running time” – and my numb bum agrees!) Two and a half hours of a thin rouse engineered to allow 4 girlfriends get way from their real lives and reengage with the persons they USED to be, before the world took its toil.

The film itself is a capsule of The Girls Night Out. SATC2 turned out to be exactly like catching up with old friends, giving their clothes the once-over and plunging back into the giddy world of talking about sex and relationships. Forget the kids, forget the men… it’s all about the GIRLS.

And the cinema was full of large groups of women using the film to do exactly that… have A Girls Night Out.

A Girls Night Out for the uninitiated is the night for grown women to leave it all behind! I think especially as you get older the importance of escaping the world that requires us to be everything to everyone else but yourself increases. I don’t know why but for most women, the stuff we take on life leaves us precious little time for being self-indulgent. It seems only on a Girls Night Out does it become possible to feel free, to say what you really think and feel without worrying about the reaction.

Of course it is all pretend… you are not really carefree and the night will end… but for those few hours you again become the person you were just a few years ago. The Girls Night Out is a time to let go of the regrets, worries and emotions that are tied to responsibility. It’s a time to immerse yourself in the wonderful camaraderie that only comes from other women in the same boat: Women who also feel exactly the same on the inside – even if the outside shows that we are all BIG girls now.

I have no idea why but there really seems to be an assumption by society that women who have partners or children are totally fulfilled in everyway by the experience. Women are expected to overcome by maternal instinct and selflessness without looking back. And the truth is very much that within the walls of our homes there is lots of stuff to in the plus column. However within the walls of our homes there is a vortex that sucks the sheer energy and out of the most caring person.

It is much the same in the workplace – that now we are in the workplace we are fulfilled intellectually and financially, so why on earth would be looking back to a time when we weren’t? And the truth is very much that the rewards of our careers has afforded us the status and material goods our mother’s generations could never have dreamt of. However within the confines of our chosen careers the same vortex sucks the sheer motivation out of even the most driven person.

And I know my inbox will be full of complaints about me publically admitting those facts – but come on… our home and work lives act as confining cages for the birds we used to be. And even thought those cages are beautiful…a gilded cage is still a confinement… and in common with most of the confined, it really is beneficial for caged birds to spread their wings once in a while. And while no woman in my group of friends would actually leave their real lives behind for any reason, a Girls Night Out gives them the chance to dream about what it would be like to be single again and participate in a life that is full of spur of the moment decisions and plans.

Most women live their lives on call to everyone in it. And quite frankly there is a point where you simply have written enough reports at work, wiped enough bums and noses and done enough dishes at home (to say nothing of propping up the ego with the same man so many times)… that The Girls Night Out is the only answer.

The Girls Night Out is the night to NOT talk about the kids, NOT to talk about the job. It’s the night to return to the classics of our bygone youth (big issues such as weighing up where we stand on the age old discussion of whether size does matter, deciding whether to go clubbing or grab a few bottles and head back en masse to a childfree/partnerfree house etc).

The importance of The Girls Night Out is about being able to just be you and be accepted for just that. It is about not having to hide the fact you are simply being able to relax. It is about not having anyone ask you anything, require assistance or touch you. The Girls Night Out is about spending time with people who know exactly how you feel without having to discuss all the depressing details.

More importantly it is also about finding your way back to that inner rock star that you used to let shine, feeling sexy again and letting go of expectations. So many men feel threatened by the effort us girls put into our appearance for a The Girls Night Out. “Just WHO is all that FOR??” They always seem to be asking! It never seems to satisfy them that the answer is quite simply “Me”.

The very act of getting dressed up for a night with the girls reminds you of how you used to be before it all got so serious… it’s fun. Looking in the mirror and see some semblance of the girl you used to be is just great. Getting the once over from your mates who sincerely compliment your efforts (knowing as you do exactly what they mean) is what it is all for… the boost of this alone makes The Girls Night Out valuable beyond rubies!

Look, I’ll be honest here… I hated SATC2. It was a dreadful film: arse to elbow in clichés and racial/ geographical stereotypes that made cringe and feel fearful for America’s understanding of the planet they live on. HOWEVER…

I loved getting dressed up for The Girls Night Out that went with it.

I loved my new Miranda inspired asymmetric top. I loved the fact my black skinny jeans went with my bag (vintage don’t you know!). I loved the fact I clip clopped my way to meet the girls in my heels.

I loved the fact we met for cocktails in a bar first… and even was up for shots (though I usually have to be really drunk or totally forced to do this).

I loved the fact the cinema treated it as an event and had plenty of wine on hand. (I’ve never been allowed alcohol in the pictures before).

Most of all I loved the fact there were so many other groups of women doing ACTUALLY what we were doing…. Emulating the reunion of friends on the screen.

Yes without a doubt SATC2 is a terrible film. It came over as false, strained, regurgitated and puerile.

However… the event of SATC2 was bloody marvellous!

It gave us all the opportunity to get together, be raucous, silly and unforgivably girlie and take one night off from a life where we always choose others over our desires of life. It gave us one night of having fun without having to be checking the watch ready to run to the assistance of those in our lives.

The importance of girl’s night out is often not realised until the next day when you resume life after a night out with the girls. Judging by the amount of attention lavished on me this morning…. My Girls Night Out clearly gave the people in my life a night to remember that I am a person independent of them and that my needs, wants and desires are just as important as theirs are.

And for that Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha… Thank You.

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for voting for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff in the 2009 Blogger Choice Awards and for all your support that has made this blog such a success

BLOG 107: Is the channel wider than the pond?

“Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.” Dave Barry American Humourist

My American friends insist on saying when they are over that they “are in Europe”. That statement always takes my breath away – especially when they say that when they are guests in my home. Thing is I live in ENGLAND. Yup one fourth of an island ensemble which lies 22 miles of the coast of France. And to us, EUROPE starts there… it always takes us by surprise to be thought of as one of them.

But I guess, like it or not our continental postcode is EUROPE.

Maybe because we live on this little island surrounded by water, but to us it’s easy to forget that to the rest of the world we are just a bit of Europe.

Certainly to my American visitors, European is what we are… we have some very different ways from what they are used to. For a start you’d never catch us talking to flags or curtsying to elected officials. Plus we do like a good moan about our country, and use our developed sense of irony at every possible opportunity. We don’t fear acknowledging our state, Gods, figureheads and culture sometimes gets things terribly wrong. We like to say so… and often… and don’t believe this makes us unpatriotic. We have a European attitude to community responsibility - conversely revelling in the upkeep of an aristocracy while grudgingly feeling a responsibility to keep the under classes out of the worst examples of poverty. We use our PAYE taxes to support a social and health system that is the envy of the world (though we moan about the inherent flaws and cost). We spend our cash at sporting and social events (and get giddy and gossipy when we catch sight of even a minor Royal at the same). My American visitors seem to think this is all they need to state that they ain’t in Kansas no more and they are certainly in Europe.

Pah! Okay, I give them the fact that our continental postal address is Europe, but I really do think my lovely guests should take a better look at where they are. This little island is separated from Europe by more things than just water!

Now before I go much further I must state that I am pro European. I do wish the United Kingdoms of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (as is our proper monica) were a bit more involved in Europe culturally. But we’re not. And I’m a pragmatist. So there we are. It is what it is. (Anyone who does not believe me it’s the Eurovision Song Contest this Saturday… wait and see how our display of contempt for all things pan-European works out for us!...AGAIN)

I can’t speak for the other Kingdoms (Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland) as though I have frequent visits to all three I have never resided in any of them. However for England… I have almost half a century of experience of living in different places about the land so I think I can point out some differences between us and them over the channel.

The English are said to be distinctive mainly for our observance of politeness, self-discipline and especially noted for our dry ironic sense of humour. I’d have to say I agree with that. England is distinctive not so much for its landscape (which can be duplicated in other lands) but for how things are done. And how my American friends failed to notice that they do things differently here from ‘on the continent’ leaves me breathless.

You’d pretty quickly know that you are in England because we form orderly queues without being told to and allow the person who got there first to be tended to first. (Try that on the mainland and see how far that’d get you).

In Europe personal space is approximately 2inches circumference of a person:

We have extended the zone to 7 inches and it can only be entered by mutual agreement.

In Europe you greet people with a kiss(or multiple kisses if further south):

We only kiss people who are close friends and relatives. Instead, when you are first introduced to someone, shake their right hand with your own right hand.

In Europe "Excuse Me" means please forgive me:

We use it if someone is blocking your way and you would like them to move, say excuse me and they will shift out of your way.

In Europe "Thank you" is said after assistance is given:

We consider it very good manners to say "thank you". It is considered rude if you don't, so is said often. There are few nations that say 'thank you' as much as England. It is said a lot – even when no assistance is given.

In Europe you say sorry as an apology:

We just like saying sorry (see note on Thank you) and say it all the time. IE: If you accidentally bump into someone, say 'sorry'. They probably will too, even if it was your fault! This is a habit and can be seen as very amusing by an 'outsider' but it’s our culture so please observe it.

In Europe only men open doors for other people

We hold open the door for each other regardless of gender. It depends on who goes through the door first. (see note on queuing)

In Europe people do expect to be introduced so that people can be henceforth referred to by name:

We’re particularly bad at remembering names and routinely refer to people as dear, dearie, flower, love, chick, chuck, me duck, me duckie, mate, guv, son, ma'am, madam, missus, sir, or treacle, according to your sex, age and location. (Personally I say Babycakes A LOT!)

In Europe congratulations are often communicated by gestures such as backslapping and hugging .

We only allow this among close friends. (see note on personal space)

In Europe men take their hat off when they go indoors

We still find it impolite for men to wear hats indoors especially in churches. BUT it is becoming more common to see men wearing hats indoors. However, this is still seen as being impolite, especially to the older generations.

In Europe it is de rigour to talk loudly in public:

We only do so when drunk (use public transport after 11pm for illustration)

In Europe it is customary to pay at the end of an evening in a bar:

We pay for drinks as you order them

In Europe they drive on the right side of the road

We drive on the left side of the road

In Europe it is unremarkable to keep looking at someone who has caught your attention:

We think it is impolite to stare at anyone in public and take it as a challenge to bare knuckle fighting.

In Europe you may ask a lady her age

We considered impolite to ask any lady her age.

In Europe it is a sign of interest to ask personal or intimate questions:

We like our privacy. It is impertinent to ask questions such as "How much money do you earn?" "How much do you weigh?" or "Why aren't you married?".

In Europe it is considered unremarkable to pick your nose in public:

We are disgusted by this. If your nostrils need de-bugging, use a handkerchief.

In Europe flux from cleared passages may be spat in public places:

We consider spitting in the street is considered to be very bad mannered.

In Europe meals eaten continental style, with fork in the left hand and the knife in the right are conducted with some animation:

Whilst we do also eat continental style we find it impolite speak with your mouth full of food and there is no occasion when eating off a knife when having a meal is acceptable.

In Europe it is a sign of satisfaction to burp after eating or drinking:

We feel that if you can not stop a burp from bursting out, then cover your mouth with your hand and say 'excuse me' afterwards.

In Europe they do not have a problem with the passing of wind in public

We go somewhere private and let it out. (And if you accidentally pass wind in 'polite company' you would never, ever draw attention to the incident by apologising. Basically the advice is say 'excuse me' for mouth burps, ignore bottom burps.)

Thing is if I were writing out my address like a child it would say

Kent

England

UK

Europe

The World

But I’m not a child… and nor are my guests! England, UK is without a doubt geographically in the continent of Europe. But culturally it’s no where near. Although only 22 miles apart at the closet point, centuries of isolation from what the 50 nations with the 230 different tongues got up to over there have played out. It is odd that on many cultural issues that seems a wider distance than the many between us and them over the Atlantic.

That said, how on earth could my guests have thought for one moment that by flying from Kansas to Heathrow that they coming to EUROPE???

Like I said …. Breathless!

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for voting for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff in the 2009 Blogger Choice Awards and for all your support that has made this blog such a success.

BLOG 106: 2010 Cannes of worms!

"I believe those ladies are so thin that they could hula hoop with a ‘cheerio’!” Chef Andy, Celebrity Chef.

FRIDAY

I haven't even unpacked yet and I have spent most of my time here looking at semi naked girls! If I were an adolescent boy I'd probably think I have died and gone to heaven... BUT given that I'm your run of the mill bog standard body hang-up laden female I'm not quite feeling the heaven vibe!

True... the south of France is as pretty close to heaven as you can get. Palm Trees, Yachts, Glamour and the Eden Roc hotel...to name but a few! But come film festival time... this place gets crazy!

This afternoon there were some gals dressed as Zombies on the beach and I have no words for the starlet who just went up the red carpet in nothing but a net curtain a few red patches and a silver handbag. (Well I do... "wonderful handbag lovey and I hope your film is a huge success so you can go and buy some clothes.")

I have a feeling this is gonna be a long….. looooooooooong weekend!

This time of year the sparkling Riviera is two days into its biggest event of the year, the film festival is the ultimate gathering of A-list celebrities and affluent jet-setters... but don’t worry Jax has not turned into one of those freeloaders who are just here to get a photo with the stars (though frankly I haven't seen ANY)… I’m strictly hanging with the back room boys!

I'm here trailing around after Chef Andy as he prepares favourite family recipes, pot luck dinners, cocktail gatherings, in-home entertaining, wine tastings, backyard parties for the corporations who have rented villas for this busy period. It appears that for the cost of eating out (and lets face facts you couldn't get a table in any Cannes restaurant till June) you can get a chef to prepare comfort food to vegans, Zone or Atkins food for dieters, raw food for faddy eaters , ethnic specialities for pretentious, and anything the mind could conjure up!

Thing is having spent most of the day plugging their movies or whatever ancillary services to the industry they are flogging no one seems to eat till late. And believe me even though everyone is stick thin, they are very very fussy about catering at their get togethers here.

When I throw a get together most people are delighted with the best of “Iceland” for nibbles and a bi plate of something hot later, as long as the beer is flowing and the music is pumping… most people are happy.

Must remind myself that when I become rich I better stay in touch with my old poor friends as the people throwing the party Chef Andy is working tonight have slightly grander ideas.

I do feel for Chef Andy and practically everyone he is cooking for seems to view food as the enemy... "omelette no eggs" sort of people. Like I said these people (esp the women) are so thin you could floss your teeth with then, so these people sure don’t worship at the alter of belly fillers.

And yet none of them can think of a way to seal the deal or socialise without involving food....Isn't it amazing how large a part food plays with people who don't seem to enjoy it?

The guy Chef Andy is working for tonight has rented a villa 15 minutes away from the Palais De Festival, the venue for many high-profile events in Cannes.

Now this place has WOW factor! It occupies a stunning position in the foot hills of the Alps Maritime. A sun trap all day during the summer months, the villa has prominent views towards the mountains. Plus the Villa overlooks the famous 18 hole Mandelieu Golf course - access to the club is literally 5 minutes away, as are fabulous walks into the foot hills of the lower slopes and up to various lakes and the Var. And it’s a snip at a few million £sterling!

The guy that owns it as let us slobs have a wander about before we are locked in the kitchen for ever more! The place (which is traditionally French on the outside) has been beautifully modernised in a stylish contemporary design. I reckon the place sleeps 12 but to be honest I kept losing count of bedrooms and ensuites.

But I did note you could watch telly in the bath in all the bathrooms… 2 tellies… one is hung from the wall either end of the bath. I liked that! Mind you I suppose the business types who rent this gaff for a mere £15,000 per week need the WiFi that is available through out the property along with SKY television. But it can’t be just slobs like me that like the idea of entertainment in the bath! Why else would they make a DVD and CD library available for guests during their stay.

Talking of getting wet the swimming pool is a large Ozone pool with stunning views of the surrounding landscape.

But no chance of finding a Mellors the gardener striding the grounds, bare chested and tipping his watering can. The gardens are all self-watering but I suppose you could enjoy the areas for games and relaxation in hammocks under the trees in other ways.

Not that I’m going anywhere but the kitchen tonight! However if you have to be trapped in a room, it’s not a bad one. No leaky French plumbing and entertaining electricals to deal with though… this kitchen includes all modern appliances including an American fridge freezer, microwave, dishwasher, purified drinking water /ice maker and one of those taps that mean you don’t need a kettle!

Chef Andy is creating a little mobile feast for a small gathering which will assemble here tonight for 150 of the international film industries finest. His brief is to create fish, vegetables, fruit, desserts, and cheese in a mobile format that none of the guests would have experienced before. Oh incidentally he must also create 2 x mobile appetiser experiences again not one of the 150 guests must have had it before. And yes… he has a huge list of ‘enemy foods’.

It makes me wonder why ANYONE would want to be a chef… especially when catering to and for the rich and famous.

I soon found out why… it’s to have a front row ticket to watching money burn!!! Andy’s team have managed to cater some of the most lavish events in recent years.

In 2007 a British retail tycoon treated 100 of his closest friends to a surprise flight to the Maldives for his 55th birthday. The invitation reportedly instructed friends to "pack your shorts and be prepared for a long-haul flight." This birthday treat featured 3,000 bottles of champagne, dancers from around the world and an impressive fireworks display to cap off the soiree… oh and they had a nibble or two prepared to order morning, noon and night over the five days too!

Then there was a 60^th birthday for a private equity maven who wanted the food to come out at a leisurely pace food so he hired an A list Hollywood comedian to entertain guests between courses at the cost of £3.5 million.

Then there was the Russian banking magnate who also enjoys indulging in expensive entertainment. This guy paid not one, not two but three headline Diva’s (yes, you have all three in your collection) to sing while he and his wife had dinner! No one could quite remember how much that cost!

But there was one they all knew of by heart. At this event Chef Andy was just one of a legion of top chefs… on this night there was one chef for every 4 guests! It was for a hotel in Dubai’s launch party and the owner spent £10 million. Guests of the event dined on nearly two tons of lobster and the event also included a £1.5 million fireworks display that involved thousands of skyrockets launched from an array of 700 launching pads.

So… tonight’s affair (though probably the most red carpet thing I’ve ever been in the backroom of) is small fry to Chef Andy and the team.

I’ll just do what I came for… stay out the way and watch and learn.

SATURDAY

Well I’ve just negotiated Cannes gridlock. We were stuck behind a Porsche, Ferrari and Lamborghini which were misguidedly parked on a narrow street.

It’s another world. Gridlock where I come from always involves a Ford Focus, a Citroën Picasso and a clapped out Datsun Cherry.

Hey ho.

Last night Chef Andy did his thing and we got what we needed for the food magazine.

I stuck my head out a couple of times and was amazed with the ordinariness of the atmosphere of the soiree. Considering that these people represented the global dream and aspiration factory that is moviedom… it kind of felt like a do at a conference.

Mind you… no conference I’ve ever been to has people wandering about nibbling cheese (as “NEVER SEEN BEFORE!”) who also hang on every teenage girls wall. Nor has any conference I’ve ever been to had a famous heiress running about in chiffon trying to play hostess. I hasten to add that it was NOT her home, nor her rental and I think she may have been on something!

Tell you what… I have NEVER seen so much good food thrown away! And good booze! Barely touched bottles of champagne just being scrapped everywhere in the early hours of this morning! It seems so wrong that all that excess can’t go to a welcoming home, but I suppose the French Carers Association would not be too interested in my tip about putting a spoon in flat champagne. I suppose it wouldn’t be perceived as wise to be doling out bottles of Louis Roederer Cristal to the homeless. But I think it’d be quite a nice thing to do… they’d probably love it with some of last night’s salmon and caviar wraps. But maybe that is just me.

Any how… we’ve made it down to the iconic La Croisette. This waterfront avenue of Cannes is littered with paparazzi trying to catch a glimpse of the rich and the famous. We got quite excited when we snapped a blonde down by the waterfront restaurants… was it Jennifer A? or Kate B? or Cate B?... no idea. She had her head at an angle so now we are not so sure. I don’t think I’d eat for long if I earnt my living as a paparazzi.

This experience is just so bizarre. I’ve been sent to France by a cookery magazine to examine celebrity food close up… I’ve spent the night in a kitchen with a chef looking at fabulous food being prepared and caught sight of celebrities holding food, I’ve spent the morning throwing away fabulous food, and I’ve fought my way down from the hills to the seafront which is adorned with wonderful restaurants to watch a maybe-celebrity walk past wonderful food. It seems bizarre but I hadn’t actually eaten anything and I was HUNGRY!!!

It’s FRANCE for goodness sake… if you are not eating in France there is something seriously WRONG with you.

There was nothing for it…. We needed the BEST food and quick! But its Cannes Festival fortnight… you can’t just get a table anywhere! Even McDonalds is booked up for the duration!

Luckily the photographer has a sister working at a fab hotel in Antibes. OMG!!! I can’t tell you how good the food is there. If you are EVER in Antibes… Eden Roc is the way to go. Funny thing is that while we were chowing down there were loads of celebrities we DID recognise all around us… and with their heads at recognisable angles.

But to be honest by then the only way I’d be picking up my camera would be if it (like my strawberries) were covered in chocolate.

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto:http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for voting for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff in the 2009 Blogger Choice Awards and for all your support that has made this blog such a success.

BLOG 105: WORK

“Oh the indignity of working. How do I cope with people telling me what to do? Wtf? That's the attitude I expect from a 16 year old.” Moil Drone author of ‘Think of all I'll lose if I don't: Motivation enough for me’

Moil Drone’s weighty book presents us with one theme… If you don’t go to work, you won’t get cash, you will lose everything. For Moil Drone, the cashflow situation is the pressing issue and so what if your individuality has to take a back seat. The lack of individuality in the workplace is what makes the whole cash for labour thing run so smoothly. The lower echelons work to live and the upper echelons need them to have this drive in order for them to turn up and make money.

Cashflow is a big thing for just about everybody.

Come payday, everyone is lord of his own fate for a few moments. Say you clear £2000… whilst this is not a princely sum it sure feels beautiful after the long days of deprivation pre- payday. It feels like a sum worth holding onto. But then your standing orders go out… and while it is lovely you have the roof over your head and your utilities secured for another month, your balance is suddenly reduced to say £800 and the beauty of the available funds is much diminished.

And so starts the haemorrhaging that will ensure it is cashflow that will ensure you will be requiring cash for labour for a good while yet.

After the pre-pay day deprivation you feel you have earnt that little bit of financial freedom that will allow you drinks after work, and luxury treats like the latest DVD or fashions or books. You seem to be always pressing the £50 option at the cashpoint. Until you look at your balance and see it has dropped to under £500 - so you start pressing the £20 button instead. Of course this makes no difference to the steady haemorrhaging of funds cause all that happens is you go to the cashpoint three times more often than before. Which means before long you are under £300 (of course rather than become careful with your funds you simply stop checking your balance before withdrawing money). You have now entered the Russian Roulette stage as you know each transaction could be your last. Your purchasing pattern changes and you think how cavalier you were in your above £500 days and return your recent luxury purchases and use the money for food. You stop the drinks after work only attending if someone remembers your earlier generosity and offers to return an owed drink. You realise that when you first got paid you forgot to buy essentials and you find yourself without toothpaste, or milk or washing up liquid. And just as you feel you REALLY can’t live like this anymore… its payday… and the whole cycle starts again.

You see for most people, work is a means to an end… something they have to do to be economically viable. It’s not about mental stimuli or social interaction… its about paying the bills and staying afloat.

No more. No less.

Moil Drone has a point. Who needs individuality when there are bills to pay?

In fact in Moil Drone’s world for most people the mental freedom afforded by the numbing routine of the workplace and the lack of true responsibility that goes with it is a comfort. I should imagine that most people at the top of the hierarchy would be delighted that the worker-bees exhibit calm resignation and would find their lack of bitter ambition the mark of the perfect employee.

BUT nothing is quite that simple. If the world was as simplistic as Moil Drone sees it – bosses and workers would have no issues and Monday mornings would always be a joy.

Unfortunately… this is not enough for one particular brand of employee… the population of nonentities who exist in the middle of the hierarchy.

There truly is no one in the workplace who takes their jobs as seriously as the promotion-seeking line managers. It is the existence of this strand that sucks the joy out of a honest days toil and introduces the stress of performance (purely in the thespian sense) to your day.

It’s not enough for this particular type of employee for you to turn up, do what you are employed to do and wait for pay day. Oh no. The promotion-seeking line manager requires you to exhibit signs that you are so much more than competent, that they (and it is ALWAYS about them) have inspired you to have no interest in the world outside your work station – that the ONLY hours that count are the ones you get paid for.

Not everyone finds it natural or easy to play act the role of grateful minion. However one is called upon by the existence of the promotion-seeking line manager to chuck in a performance so unnecessary to the actual execution of your daily duty but essential to the validation of their role. Opt out of this hidden requirement and watch how quickly the words bad attitude will be added to your HR file. And who wants disciplinary issues when all one wants is to be paid.

Work to live… not live to work eh?

But who knows… maybe the promotion-seeking line manager has a point. Maybe despite the cash for labour ethos and the low expectations… maybe the ONLY hours that count really are the ones we get paid for.

I think back to the miners strike. I think of those men deep in the crust of the earth doing a back breaking, ailment inducing job and how they fought to keep doing just that. And I look at the way that the world is a changing and see the future where most daily toil is finally carried out by robotics and the more we move towards that future… the more know for sure that we too will prove as reluctant as the miners were to surrender our burden.

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