BLOG 100: 100 not out!!!

100 NOT OUT!!!

'You miss 100% of all the shots you never take' Wayne Gretsky Ice Hockey Coach, highest scoring Canadian ice-hockey player like ever, and my birthday buddie

Yes JaxWorld is publishing its one hundredth blog today… and they said we’d never last!

One hundred blogs on every subject from how to: drown a mobile phone, buy a double G cup bra, time travel back to the 80’s, enjoy your gay best friend, wonder why your hetro-male friends are so gay, green politics and have bloodless wars… to name but a few!

One hundred blogs read by thousands of people in scores of countries who sometimes agree, sometimes disagree, sometimes laugh out loud and sometimes wish to strangle Jax if it means she’d just shut up, log out and do something else instead!

But 100 blogs….It’s a bit of a milestone!

It’s odd when you do something for the first time… you just can’t imagine that there will be another 99 times to follow… and possibly many more than that. I certainly didn’t think that was a slight possibility when I published blog one, 99 blogs ago!

All I remember was feeling annoyed at people who were getting amazed that Demi More still looked good. It made me wonder why people refer back to stereotypes of a bygone era rather than simply look around in the world they actually live in. It’s obvious that MOST 45+ women look faboo…so WHY was even news? So down when the blog… and loads of people came back with comments…. And here we are… 99 blogs later.

I say we, cause okay its Jax doing all the ranting and observing, but it’d all be pointless without you guys reading every week, twice a week. We’re a community now!

And haven’t we had some high spots… we’ve coined a few new phrases… (I see fantabulous has really caught on!)… We’ve been up for awards… (Best Blog about Stuff being a major one)… we’ve become a recommended site by some of the major players in the Blogosphere (Ezine and Liquida amongst them).

So how to mark this mile stone… JaxWorld style of course.

Over the past 99 blogs I’ve got to know you guys quite well, so I guess it’s time for you to know me a little better, and so… I present to you:

100 things I’ve done 100 times….and show little sign of stopping doing anytime soon:

1. Jumping out of my skin when my mobile phone rings
2. Putting the key’s in my bag, closing the front door then looking in my bag to see if I put my keys in it
3. Staring accusingly at a paving stone after I’ve tripped on it
4. Stopping to stroke a complete strangers pet and talking to it in a strange ‘baby voice’
5. Dancing in my living room alone despite the fact I can probably be viewed from the street
6. Pretending I am in a cookery show while preparing a meal
7. Using toupee tape to ‘face-lift’ a puffy tummy so I can wear a belly top like a gym-bunnie rather than just working out
8. Getting a bus for a journey of one stop
9. Returning unsuitable gifts for cash refunds and blowing the cash on complete rubbish
10. Saying I can do something that I’ve never actually done before then claiming the rules have changed since I last did it (when it enviably goes wrong)
11. Saying I know someone that I’ve never actually met then claiming they have a bad memory (when they enviably do not recall me at all)
12. Saying ‘Thank you driver’ when I get off a bus
13. Claiming I have night vision…then sitting down in the wrong cinema seat and helping myself to someone else’s popcorn
14. Waving at people I don’t know by mistake
15. Hiding valuables then being totally unable to remember the hiding place
16. Putting a trashy magazine inside a worthy publication when reading on public transport
17. Feeding and watering everyone who knocks on my door
18. Thinking the contents of the wine fridge have a higher priority than the contents of the food fridge
19. Flirting insanely at unsuitable candidates just to ‘brush up’ on technique (note: AT not WITH!)
20. Believing in any product that offers a short cut to beauty
21. Believing in any product that offers a short cut out of drudgery
22. Throwing away all such purchased products within a couple days of usage
23. Wearing killer heels and being surprised that do actually live up to their name
24. Forgetting what it was I was talking about and going off in a mad tangent
25. Being scared of frogs and passing out when one gets too close
26. Running the minute mile every autumn (because I have confused a leaf for a frog)
27. Seriously over dressing the part (i.e.. when on a boat dressing like I’m in the Royal Navy, when at a ball dressing like I’m Anna in the King and I)
28. Being exactly 10 minutes to early or ten minutes too late for every important appointment of my life
29. Not being able to kill 10 minutes when I’m too early without shopping
30. Being totally useless at any country-skill except horse-riding and cow-tipping
31. Being unbelievably urbane
32. Wanting to know the history of everything so I can get a handle on why it is the way it is
33. Sulking rather than confronting and expecting offenders to know what they have done without being told
34. Not quite understanding what the hell New Years Eve is about!
35. Bouncing insanely at the thought of my birthday and noting the 7^th of each month as ‘x days from the last birthday/ x days to the next one’
36. Finding rules and regulations dull
37. Thinking Eire is the coolest dull place in the universe (how do they do both so well?)
38. Finding it funny when the same thing has two names, one for positive and one for negative (IE: Caribbean = good/West Indian = bad, Online Entertainment = good/Computer Games = bad)
39. Being always really interested in what teenagers have to say and bored stiff with what 20 somethings have to say
40. Finding babies and toddlers and their proud parents (with very few exceptions)unbearably dull
41. Thinking that it is important that everyone knows what a Zonda is
42. Not understanding that everyone does not need to know what a Zonda is
43. Finding cushions on sofas amazingly uncomfortable and ultimately useless
44. Finding cushions on beds amazingly decorative in the day time and bloody annoying at bed time
45. Believing that one day a large cup-size bra will be an item of beauty
46. Arguing with people who say they NEVER notice or listen to the lyrics of songs
47. Finding parenthood has revealed more to me about me than it has about anything else
48. Getting on public transport without knowing the balance on my oyster card then having to ask the whole carriage for change of a twenty
49. Wondering why food left out for wildlife attracts only wildlife and not rats?
50. Owing FAR FAR FAR too many shoes for someone with only two feet.
51. Going into a shop falling in love with an outfit… only to get home with it to discover I own something almost identical already
52. Leaving on too many light bulbs
53. Thinking I won’t get burgled if I leave on too many light bulbs.
54. Getting half way to somewhere and wondering if I left the iron on
55. Sometimes spending much more on the gift-wrap than the present
56. Still thinking April Fool jokes are funny
57. Not understanding why there are no bank holidays in summer
58. Thinking Ikea is an ultimate thrill when shopping and not a chore
59. Wondering “WTF did I buy THAT in Ikea for?…I don’t know what it is, where to put it, or even how to assemble it”
60. Being really scared of Telecommunications Outlets such as ‘The Carphone Warehouse’
61. Still thinking it is actually funny that every week some prankster puts soap suds in our town fountain
62. Finding caravan ownership a ridiculous lack of holiday aspiration
63. Finding anything involving a tent tedious
64. Finding festivals that go on longer than one day great fun providing I stay in a nearby hotel
65. Loving business class, wishing I could afford first class, and finding economy class brilliant for transporting cattle
66. Wondering if I will ever actually play my old vinyls, cassette tapes and video tapes again
67. Wondering if I will ever look at my digital photo albums as much as I do my old print photos
68. Thinking of packaging as art and using it instead of ‘official art’ in frames around my home
69. Butting in on eves-dropped conversations
70. Doling out unsolicited advice
71. Hating anyone doing either of the above to me
72. Running really fast in high heels
73. Not being able to run at all in my Reeboks
74. Feeling the world is ending because my hair doesn’t look nice
75. Knowing I can conquer the world because it’s a good hair day
76. Being obsessed with everybody having neat eye-brows
77. Owing more candles than anyone not starting a cult should
78. Having no guilt about my guilty TV pleasures: Watching Gossip Girl, Top Model and Four Weddings even though I know they are COMPLETE rubbish… oh and watching What Katie Did Next purely because it’s a recording of “a car-crash”
79. Loving the single-life but moaning about it consistently!
80. Finding cut flowers offensive and morbid
81. Finding tombstones really interesting and beautiful
82. Loving the smells of Sunday joints cooking and walking down my road identifying what everyone is having for lunch
83. Finding pub-culture the very best gift our nation has given us
84. Hating the bar-culture we are currently importing from overseas
85. Thinking being well travelled is immersing yourself in foreign lifestyles not just travelling a lot or far
86. Secretly wanting to be Jewish for no real reason
87. Knowing I eat way too much pork and bacon for that to ever be a realistic possibility
88. Worrying that no one will tell me when to stop
89. Knowing I’d never listen to them anyway
90. Hating wall lights for no good reason
91. Being desperately and totally in love with London – my city.
92. Making everything all about me… practically all of the time
93. Being flabbergasted at my own achievements/ being totally delighted in my disasters
94. Being stunningly under motivated to return to driving vehicles
95. Designing a sexy way to get out of a pair of spanx
96. Wishing there was no need to ever own a pair of spanx
97. Knowing I will never join or go to a gym ever …despite the above two comments
98. Going blank on certain peoples names… not just once but for years
99. Getting over excited when ever I see Battersea Bridge lit up
100. Being unbelievably kitsch, camp and clearly a flamboyant gay man trapped in a woman’s body!

So… here we go. 100 random things that Jax has done 100 times and shows little sign of stopping doing anytime soon -I really look forward to hearing if you share some of them.

So… that’s that we’ve marked the occasion of the 100^th blog.

Here’s to 100 more! (See points 88 and 89!)

Thanks for reading.

XOXO

If you enjoyed this blog and you want to contact Jax or find out more about JaxWorld blog please log onto: http://thejaxworldblog.vpweb.co.uk/

Thanks for voting for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff in the 2009 Blogger Choice Awards and for all your support that has made this blog such a success.