"Oh well at least you haven't got cancer, my next door neighbours hair dressers mum has it, AND her cat died and her husband was sick in the music room when they had a magazine round to do a shoot on their new build, he's an architect don't you know, their life is a complete nightmare ....- anyway you really should count your blessings you know...." Failed Attempt at Empathy" Overheard in the hairdressers [Woman under hairdryer talking to a woman reading a magazine]
184 days... time has passed since my old life came to a dramatic end. On many levels the fact that 5th December 2013 was 6 months ago seems unbelievable.
Half a year of my life has passed since the great triple strand unravel.
I guess I'm a bit of success. 2/3's of what has been lost has been replaced - visceral needs have been met.
It's
a life... it's not the same, nothing will be the same, but there has
been progress.there has been little choice other than to take action to fulfill these survival basics.
Visceral needs require action to be met.
In
fact over the past 6 months there has been a lot of talk about action.
The general consensus being that action brings results and not to sink
into a quagmire of emotions as emotions are all in the head and not real
and that emotions are all in the head impeding progress.
Despite the fact that I have been forced to take action I would like to make a statement on this matter:
Know
this: Emotions are a physical not a mental thing. A single thought can
cause a reaction, the brain releases stress hormones - anxiety is not a
figment of anyone's imagination. Physically this manifests in trembling, sweated or tension.
Though if the imagination was used it would be as it a balloon had been
inserted inside you that fills your every cavity till you cannot even
recall what the space was ever originally used for. Ignore this at your peril.
In this world of 'think positive/ stay happy clappy' - the worst way to deal with anxiety is denial. However the pressure to say I'm Fine and present the world with a weekly progress sheet is huge. No one wants to fail at being positive... so naturally we eliminate the negative when we answer the question "How you doing?".
Fact is healing is never achieved this way.
We,
each and every one of us make mistakes, so if you think logically about
such a universal experience - there should be no shame in a mistakes
that you have learned from.
Imagine the healing that could be achieved if people exchanged the stories of the wrong paths rather than the triumphant routes! I genuinely believe that
we should share our stories with others and not be afraid as in this we
shall not find ourselves alone. Sometimes hearing someone else has
been there and it sucked for them too is all you have to hear to figure
your experience is not a failing of yours personally.
Loss makes us curled like a pebble, small and hard thinking no one can hurt a pebble. In defence mode you have no desire to hear tales of the invincible. Fact.
The cure sometimes is easier found in the companionable rather than the inspirational. It's good to know of other being there.
My inbox has been stuffed with correspondence from similarly affected folk. You'd imagine this'd would depress me, but in fact it's inspired me greatly. It has taken away the burden of isolation that has been generated by events. So this is a heartfelt thanks to all those who have shared their stories with me this 6 months:
Those of you who have lost your homes.
Those of you who lost your jobs.
Those of you who have lost your loves.
Even those few who like me lost the three things at once.
Thank
you for not playing top trumps with pain. Thank you for just validating
it's okay to feel crappy about it for as long as it takes not any more.
This tendency to hear someone's pain and react by topping it some crazy amount is probably the worst of the the things the situation has besought to bear. It's so disrespectful! Pain is pain and hearing how well you know that someone has it worse is no comfort to the affected.
However I can say without a hesitation that listening to those who survived similar journeys, dead ends and cul de sac's enroute - has really helped.
I'm
not alone with my inflated balloon. There are so many of us who have
had to build only to watch all crumble and who are constantly,
constantly scrabbling among the rumble to find something to start building with.
To mix metaphors I guess by sharing our disasters we can earn that we are so much less than phoenix rising from ashes …...yet
if you look closely you will see through the char and dust, the embers
still glowing among the coal. We can build a fire again.
One day I'll be able to say without a word of a lie:
I'm fine.
One day.
The JaxWorld Blog can be followed on Twitter-@JaxWorldBlog
Or you can join over 10,000 fans of The JaxWorld Blog on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/The.JaxWorld.Blog
Thanks for continuing to vote for JaxWorld as the Best Blog about Stuff and for ALL your support that has made this blog such a huge success
